LLammas Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Hey guys. I just wanted to run this by fellow ENAers and see what everyone thinks. I got out of a nasty, abusive long-term relationship a few months back: one that I had been in for nearly all of my adult life. After I went through the sulking, the pining, the I-hate-myself-for-losing-you stages, I started to actually work on healing. Here's the thing: I want to avoid another abusive relationship at all costs. Not only that, but, upon really examining things, I've realized I was with my ex out of familiarity, not love. I never actually had the "in love" experience with him. No butterflies, no swooning, no giddiness, just another body who was there to keep me comfortable. Obviously, I want to avoid this type of relationship as well. I decided to try and fix what I could. I became straight edge (no smoking, drinking, drugging, or casual sex), which meant giving up a several years long smoking habit and my occasional drunkeness. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Now, where it gets tricky is that I've chosen to be much, much, much more selective in my dating as well. My friends think I'm insane, and that I should be more open to whatever opportunities arise. To give an idea of what I mean by selective, I rejected one guy for not liking the music that I obsess over (honestly, it's not as trivial as it sounds- I spend nearly all of my free time either playing music or listening to it), rejected another for making a homophobic comment (my friends think I blew this out of proportion, I think I'm justified in not wanting to be near a biggot), and a third for criticizing my hair. I think that these are all justifiable reasons for turning down a potential suitor, but I'm being told by those around me that this is a phase, and that I'm throwing away perfectly good opportunities because I'm afraid to get hurt again and won't admit it. So, fellow ENAers, what's your take on this? I maintain that I shouldn't have to settle for anyone who isn't wonderful to me and gives me butterflies, and my friends and family claim I'm not over the break up and I'm hiding. What do you think? Link to comment
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