5yr Relationship a REBOUND??????

[fellyfell]

I'm glad I found this forum!!!!!!!!

 

I've been reading so many post and all the great advice from the people who actually care about others. I'm hoping that you can help me with my dilemma.

 

Here is my story,

 

I met my ex 5yrs ago, she was coming out of a marriage of 5yrs from a husband that had cheated on her once and caused her many trust and insecurity issues. From this marriage she has 2 young boys now ages 10 and 8. When I met my ex she had stated to me that after he had cheated she lost love for him and they separted for a year but got back together for the boys but eventually came to realize she was there only for the boys not because of love. We met during this time and she quickly got attached to me. I had been previously married but divorced at the time for 4yrs now in which that marriage produced 1 daughter.

 

So, she ended up leaving her husband and filed for divorced and we began dating exclusively. During this time we got engaged and had a child together (a girl) after about 2yrs of dating. My previous marriage from years ago never was an issue because I didnt know where my ex wife was or my daughter (long story!!!) So during our relationship with my ex-fiance' we had many ups and downs, her insecuriites, trust issues etc.. eventually it drove us apart but I kept hanging on and talking her out of letting go and ending things and we'd stay together. I grew very attached to my daughter and her two boys. This past christmas my ex-wife from years ago popped up with my daughter who I hadnt seen in years, my family has always gotten a long with her and they invited her to my parents house for xmas so we could all visit including my fiance and our kids.

 

My fiance' seemed a bit on the edge but never said anything about it, nor did she display any anger, she said she was happy that I got to see my daughter after all this time but I knew how jealous my fiance was too. I knew that it had to bother her that my exwife got a long so good with my parents and siblings. Well a month later, (jan. 2007) she out of the blue said she got tired of our relationship and didnt want to try anymore and got tired of us and waiting to get married and for me to show her love, oh and also the great old line "I love you but I'm not in love with you".

 

It's been just about 2 months since we've split. I haven't spoken to her in 3 weeks and I've had every thought play into my head. I've recently heard but I dont know if it's true that she's gotten back together with her ex-husband. I keep in touch with both daughters (the previous marriage and my most recent daughter) but I do not talk to my ex-fiance. I dont know how much of that is true but I can almost be certain that could be the case. What is your opions on my situation and how logical is that for her to try and rekindle her previous marriage?????

 

I do love her and miss her but she's always been the type to over react and make life altering decisions because she's mad, hurt, angry, resentful or whatever. She most definitely will not admit she made a mistake either. She'd rather die first than to say sorry or to try and reconcile.

 

Any opinions or advice???

 

Thank you

 

Felly

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey Felly!!

 

Welcome to the ENA forums!! I'm glad you found us too!

 

Just a few questions - do you have any kind of visitation with your youngest daughter then? If you don't talk to you ex-fiance?

 

I'm sorry this has happened. I don't know what to say about her reconciling with her ex. Whether she has or not.

 

Has she ever been on her own? I mean, you said she went straight from her marriage to a 5 year relationship with you.

 

Maybe she needs some time without a significant other or romantic relationship of any kind.

 

But how are you keeping in touch with your daughter?

[fellyfell]

Hello Awdree..

 

Thank you soooooo much for responding..I've been waiting for someone to reply, so thank you!!!

 

We do not have any set visitation schedule as this has all been like a freight train wreck for me emotionally. Totally turned my life upside down. Right now I call my daughters grandparents to talk to her and I've gone by to see her and the boys while my ex-fiance is at work. I'm moving back to my home state of Utah here in a month so I'm hoping to get some type of visitation schedule set. The information that I've received about her reconciling with her exhusband was from her cousin who all but came out and told me...she seemed as if she didnt want to hurt me by telling me the truth but basically hinted.

 

I'm very distraught right now because I trusted this woman, gave her everything I had, moved to be with her and believed in every word she told me. Do you think that maybe seeing my exwife at my house caused her just to give up? and go running back to her exhusband?...oh by the way, during the 5yrs we were together her exhusband remarried but in the beginning of my ex's divorce from him, he did try and get back with her but she didnt want to...

 

Any ideas? is if it's true about her reconciling with the ex I wonder how can this work out for her..I want her to be happy and I'm afraid she's living a reckless relationship life by jumping back to him. I wish she'd take time to be alone as you've stated. She never had any alone time between relationships and has only had a few relationships in her 34yrs of age.

 

Thanks

 

Felly

[fellyfell]

Hello...

 

Anyone..please help

[need2bme]

Hey.

 

Welcome.

 

OK. First thing to do is to breathe. I do not mean that sarcastically.

 

What I mean is that when you ask about getting back together (I agree that it may be best for the chilld), you have to understand if that is for the best. What is it that you want out of your relationship with your wife? Relationships take work. I sadly realized that myself, only this past year.

 

What I am trying to say is that it took me forever and I am still figuring it out after a 13.5 year relationship, to EVEN begin to think about what it is that I want. Can you be with her, wondering if she thinking about him or if she still feels for you, etc?

 

For me and my anxiety ridden butt, I know that I would always be worried about how my ex feels for me. Until I get over that and love myself, we could never be together.

 

Also, I am worried about your daughter. If you move to Utah, how can you visit her. Now she will have to live with the emotional weirdness (I won't call it a mess here) and get used to the fact that her mom is now remarried and to an ex, nontheless. Add to that, the fact that you will be moving.

 

Take it from me that I know what it is like to live in a different state than your children. I did not want to move to the state she moved to, but I really missed most of my kids lives. Please think long and hard about moving.