NC....I stopped counting...

[Me and myself]

That's right, I stopped counting the days...why should I count them? Time goes by the same way as if I did, or faster.

I remember being a kid and marking the days in a calendar until the Xmas comes....One day I realized that if I stop doing it, time seems to pass quickly. The less I thought about it, the sooner it will come. That's why I stopped counting them...

I only know that I'm in NC for, more or less, one month since my last e-mail exchange. Since then I never contacted her again and, because I asked her to do not contact me, neither she didn. That hurts a lot...it means she accepted my request, she accepted my hurt, she accepted the fact that we are not together anymore.

I accepted it too but it doesn't mean that I had stopped feeling my hurt....Today I feel a strong love for that girl, nothing more than that. I feel love for the person she really is and not for the one she show me.

I was a rebound and I always knew it since the beginning of the relationship...she was always giving me the signs and I could feel she was not there 100% for me.

And I felt insecure, my defenses came to rescue me, I wanted to hug and kiss her but my fear was telling me "Don't do it, she doesn't love you!", I was in hell, with a lot of love inside me, ready to burst but just couldn't do it...and she was telling me I was too cold, I was aloof...if only she knew what was inside me...

And what if I had not been so cold with her? And what if I had not been so aloof? And what if...? Today I think she would break up with me the same, just like she did with all the others before me....

Today I just want to be alone, far from her, I just want her to deal with her issues....In our last e-mail exchange she confessed she had not moved on from a previous relationship...I just hope that she feels bad for hurting me so much. I don't want that to take a revenge or to make her come back to me. I just want it so that she can understand that she has to move on with her life and be happy, instead of being hurting and disguising it with short term relationships with guys who really like her.

I know it will take a long time until I see her again...I don't want to see her, I don't want to talk to her, even if I have a lot of things to say..I wish I meet her when I don't feel nothing for her anymore...well, nothing is impossible...but you know, that feeling of not loving someone but care for her, who you know as not being perfect, someone who made mistakes but, deeply, is a beautifull person. That's the stage I want to be when I meet her again. I don't want to feel more or less than that.

Sorry for this depressing post but today is one of those days...you know, it's like a wave.

[Clementine orange]

When you stop counting the days, that's when you've realized you've passed another hurdle. Nice step forward in your recovery!

 

The next step is when you realized that you say "hey, wait a minute, I didn't think of her/him once yesterday, not once"

[mxfun]

myself,

 

Good job. You are brave. I wish you a quick healing. You will find someone who loves you, habits and all (everyone has them), and she will see you as her hero! Keep focusing on taking care of yourself, all else will fall in line.

[Me and myself]

When you stop counting the days, that's when you've realized you've passed another hurdle. Nice step forward in your recovery!

The next step is when you realized that you say "hey, wait a minute, I didn't think of her/him once yesterday, not once"

 

Yeha, I'm really proud of myself for being at this stage...these have been really hard times...many of my hidden emotions and feelings came out...many of them are still here, I still think a lot about her and the relationship but I'm trying to handle them the best way I can...I've beem dealing with this break up in a completely different way, comparing with all the others I've had. And it is making my pride rise even more.

 

Good job. You are brave. I wish you a quick healing. You will find someone who loves you, habits and all (everyone has them), and she will see you as her hero! Keep focusing on taking care of yourself, all else will fall in line.

 

Thanks for the compliment. I don't want to seem arrogant but when I look objectively to my life, not only relationships, I really think I'm a brave person. That's something you don't even think about when someone breaks up with you, you think quiet the opposite...my ex also told me several times that I'm a brave person and I'm accepting that, not because I'm arrrogant, but because it's true....This break up made me look to myself and I'm now prouder about myself than I've always been before. At least, this break up brought up this good thing.

Anyway, I still have a lot of things inside me that I must address and get out of my chest and, most important, take lessons from it.

Thanks again for the encouragement!

[Wotgorilla]

Congrats on your healing, hang in there, it only gets better! Nothing is more important than taking care of you, learning from the experience and moving through life with our heads held high. You deserve and will get the best in life!

 

 

Dan on Long Island