Is she really serious about us?

[grn]

Hi,

 

I've started seeing a girl I really like. She told me that when she was young she was abused as a child. She told me she loves me very early on in our relationship. While she is VERY affectionate to me when we are together I've been told she has a past of bed hopping.

All these things tell me that maybe she just wants affection and while she says our relationship is serious she doesn't really mean it.

Despite this I really do like her and want our relationship to last...how do I know if we will make it work, what can I do?

 

Thanks.

[GQstatus]

Did she tell you what type of abuse? Not that it really matters, but if it was sexual it would make sense as to why you've heard she's a "bed hopper". From my own experience being with women that were sexually abused, they're either VERY protective of their bodies, or promiscuous.

 

My ex told me she loved me very very early on also. And she's also been known to sleep around in her past. Yet she's very very insecure with her body.

 

Take it from me bro, take things VERY slow with her. No doubt in my mind, she wants affection. People that have been abused, just want to be loved, and sometimes they get that "love" anyway they can.

 

You can never tell if things will last, if you like her and want things to work, you have to work at it. Just don't rush into things. And don't tell her you love her back, until you really feel it. I told my ex to quit saying it in the beginning, and it wasn't until months and months later, I told her, because I got to the point where I did love her, and still do.

 

When I called her on it and said "You didn't love me when you told me" she said "I didn't LOVE you, but I knew I would".

 

Don't force her to talk about her past. Just let her know if she'd like to talk about things, you're there to listen.

 

Has she been in therapy at all?

[Iwantittoend]

Similar to my situation. My girlfriend was raped in the past and was all over me early on. She told me I was the greatest guy in the world and she loved me all the time. Then after 2 months of the relationship she "needed to figure herself out".

 

I do think abused girls tend to jump around from people to people.

[grn]

Yeah it was sexual abuse, she was raped regularly when she was quite young.

Saying she loves me so early and being told shes promiscous as well tells me she just likes me cos I'm affectionate to her. I'm worried that she will cheat on me.

My best friend says she will cheat so I should end it, my sister says carry on with the relationship but dont get attached to her. I want to give it a go. How do I know if its behind her and she really does want a relationship or she's just pulling me along for a while until she can find someone else?

[astaro]

you dont know.

 

you need to decide if you want to give your relashonship with her a chanse. if you do forget about her past and move on. its a risk but if you really want it to work thats what you need to do.

 

if you doubt her the relashonship will die out sooner or later.

 

i have been with two girls that have been sexualy abused in their past and both where very sexualy active before me. the first one cheated on me emotionaly and the second was 100% loyal in the two years we where together. you can never know how someone will turn out, but if you want it to work you just have to trust her. no other way.

[GQstatus]

I agree. Just because someone is sexually abused, does NOT that mean they are going to cheat on you, or just want attention.

 

The handful of girls I've been with that have been through this, really really crave attention, which is understandable. Women in general, love attention. They like to be told they're beautiful, they like to feel needed and loved.

 

My ex was sexually abused at a very young age also, and the first time we dated it was for a year, she never cheated on me, and opened up to me a LOT. She gets attention anywhere she goes because of her looks, yet she is insecure, very insecure about her looks and body.

 

Don't listen to your friends, don't listen to your sister or your family, listen to yourself. If you like this girl, which is obvious, give it a go. Be patient, take things slow, and try to get to know more about her.

[blindfold]

listen to yourself and what your reasoning tells you, and not other people's. being raped in the past doesn't mean she is promiscuous or that she just likes affection, probably means she's just terribly insecure about it now.

don't treat her badly just because of her past, if you've chosen to start a relationship w/ her, you have to be willing to let go of the past... if she continued to be promiscuous while she is dating you, that would be an issue, of course, but the past is the past, and you should make her feel comfortable and loved, if it is true that you indeed want the relationship to last.

 

truth is, everybody wants affection and attention, and LOVE, most importantly... these all go hand-in-hand with trust, so judge your situation, and how much you like her and see if you can trust her or not... the fact that she told you she loves you very early in the relationship doesn't mean much, ever thought she might actually be in love with you?

[IhateJealousy]

There's some REALLY good advice here! I was molested a couple of years ago. I finally have a stable relationship. I told my BF that I loved him RIGHT AWAY. I just want to feel love and know what it is, I still find it a little hard to believe that I actually do love him. I know he loves me! By the way, I was the protective type. I have a friend who was a bed hopper, she was rapped at a young age. She wanted to feel love so bad that with her last boyfriend she got pregnant on purpose without telling him that she wasn't using contraceptives anymore. And now she's 17, he's 19 and they're married with a baby, be careful, it could go either way. Good luck!