How much should we compromise for our SO

[Rosesarered]

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year, and there have been many ups and downs. In my other posts, I always complained about his actions, but today I guess I might have had a breakthrough to a point. Its hard to name all the things I have been mad at him for, especially when your sitting down and writing it out. I love this man with all my heart, but I keep breaking up with him, and getting back together because I have been unsure of where the relationship is going. A part of me feels like I am more serious about the future, where he isnt so much thinking about it. Our fights also seem so often these days, and its always the same fight. I get upset that he doesnt invite me out when he does go out, and he hates that he cant have time without me. I also get upset that it takes him four hours to call me back. I feel like he just hurts me alot....and aafter some thinking...I came to a few realizations.

 

This man does not abuse me, he doesnt control me, he is not obsessive, he does nice things for me, doesnt cheat on me( I dont think?) and it is hard to find a man that doesnt have one of those qualities. I feel like I might be a hard person to date, since my expectations are really high. Maybe I shouldnt be expecting him to call me if he is out having a good time with his friends, and maybe I shouldnt be upset that he doesnt always want to spend time with me. I think the reason he doesnt invite me is because I alwyas get on his case, and who wants a nagging girlfriend around right? I also feel like this whole time I have been placing the blame on him, that he needs to change but maybe its me that needs to do the changing. I think that I am to insecure about the relationship...and I think its ruining it. Maybe he would be more into inviting me out if I wasnt always on his case. Maybe if I let him have his freedom he wil want to come back to me with open arms, instead of hating me for making him feel guilty.

 

I know i cant place all the blame on myself. I think one of my main issues with him, is that I dont feel important sometimes. When he goes out with all the people he works with, and everyone else has their girlfriend there, it hurts me that he wouldnt want me their too. I feel like it also makes a statement about our relationship...that I dont matter, because he doesnt want me around. I think thats what hurts me the most. Is that reasonable to feel that way?? Why am i never invited when he hangs out with those people? I dont want to feel like a fool, and I want everyone to know that my boyfriend loves me, and wants me around, and i dont feel that way.

He called me earlier and said he was going out with a friend and that was 8 hours ago, and I have not heard from him. I am trying to change, trying to be understanding, trying to give him space, but its so hard, because I want to talk to him....I want to call so bad, but I feel like I should not...I know loves me, but....i dont know what my game plan should be. I want to be with him the rest of my life but...how are him and I gonna make this work...any advice...on anything...it would help...i cant think straight anymore.

[Daddy Bear]

Have you asked him why all the other gf's are invited to these events and you're not? He may be one of those people who needs time away from his primary relationship, or it could be something about the way you act around him in public.

[Rosesarered]

He has said both reasons are why he does not always invite me. He sayes I expect to much from him in public..like sitting close to me, or touching my arm, or whatever.....which iS NOT TRUE. I suppose occasionally I can be like that, but I swear to god....I am not like that when we are out.

[spirits]

Do you make him happy when you're around him?

[Me and myself]

I feel like I might be a hard person to date, since my expectations are really high. Maybe I shouldnt be expecting him to call me if he is out having a good time with his friends, and maybe I shouldnt be upset that he doesnt always want to spend time with me. I think the reason he doesnt invite me is because I alwyas get on his case, and who wants a nagging girlfriend around right? I also feel like this whole time I have been placing the blame on him, that he needs to change but maybe its me that needs to do the changing.

 

Don't put all the blame in your self. You are like you are and it seems he can't give you what you want / need.

 

I think that I am to insecure about the relationship...and I think its ruining it. Maybe he would be more into inviting me out if I wasnt always on his case. Maybe if I let him have his freedom he wil want to come back to me with open arms, instead of hating me for making him feel guilty.

 

Like I've told you before, I've been there and also very insecure due to all the red flags you've mentioned (almost exactly the same). Until recently I was thinking my insecurities ruined the relationship but then I've found that I was a rebound...basically, and that's just a supposision of mine, she didn't wanted her previous ex to see me with her.

I'm not telling you that you're a rebound....I'm just trying to tell you that, no matter his intentions, that's not what you want. Hear what he has to say about it and then decide by thinking about your happinees and not about his. Stand up for your rights, your happiness.

 

Good luck.

[La_Principessa]

Wow.... you sound A WHOLE LOT like me!!! I am in similar situation and I feel the same way as you do... I'm sorry I'm not much of a help because I don't even know what I'm gonna do myself.