So, this guy..

[mdog]

ok so there is this guy in my class who i like and im like always thinking about him and cant get him out of my mind. Hmm lets start from the beginning. I have to tell someone. Im just kind of venting because hes confusing me. (and i cant tell my straight friend or she will just not listen)

So, the start of the year, this guy i like lets call him (MC) and at first i thought he was completely annoying and i thought he was just the class clown. Well, about a couple weeks down the road this girl (MF) started talking to him (and i knew MF) and then it was us 3 talking and then a girl from last year (E) came into our group and it was great talking to all of them. We were in the same group for our labs and everyone was getting along.

Unitl MC became friends with (J) a guy in our class and he became a real ***hole. So, i started talking to (E) and (MF). MF skipped class a lot or she was tired or there was always an issue with her. So it was hard to talk to her. Well anyway (E) we didnt get along last year and so this year we were really close. Became good friends. Well anyway around nov, dec, MC thought thot me and (E) should go out and i was like no were just good friends. So, he like automatically assumed i was gay (which i am) and was just a jerk and we werent close like we were. (btw after class MF, me and MC everyday walked halfway to our next classes and then they would go one way and i would go the other way and i hated (MC) at the time and i would just mess with him (make fun of him)and he would mess with me too)

Then this semester, (J) and (MF) are not in our classes anymore. Now (b) a girl who was friends with MF came into our class for second semester. Me and B have the same algebra class so it was great having her for 2 classes because shes more fun than (MF). So the first day of this semester. (MC) walks in and like waves to me and says "Im glad your in this class someone i can talk to." So i like blew him off and i was like yea whatever. So, I talked to (B) and he knew (b) too so he would come into our conversations and talk. In my lab groups were me, MC, E, and this other kid. At this time I still wasnt attracted to him.

Until we got in a big fight over (E) thats when i realized i had feelings for him either this whole time or it just started. The fight was sumthing stupid really. He said that i was way too close with (E) and laughing with (E) and he called me annoying. (he now hates E because she's too bossy) and i was like sorry, but (E) has been my friend unlike you and he was like yea im not. he was like I didnt do anything to you and if i did i was just kidding. This happened in february.

Now we have been really close, but i do keep my distance because i dont want to get hurt emotionally or physically. He even walks me to my locker (which i planned one day because i put my book in my locker and he was like well lets go get it) and i didnt think a straight guy would do that. But we still go halfway to next classes and he goes one way and me the other way. and somehow certain periods recently i go see him (with all of his friends) and i push him and he turns around and smiles and says hey and then i like walk away. But we still need to hang out.

Well anyway the issue here is how do i get rid of him? i mean he's straight. I want the friendship, but i dont think im going to get that. He seems almost good to be true and i feel like i cant have it. Some thoughts that go through my head is i wish he was a jerk to me that way these feelings would go away. I would be mean to him but im afraid if i start being mean to him (lets say he's gay) he wont ever like me. And if he's mean to me ill know he didnt like me. Some days i wont to just walk up to him and just be like why dont u just be mean to me? this whole thing is driving me crazy and i dont know what to do. I sometimes just want to be mean though and i cant. I just cant. Advice? comments? what do u think?

[robowarrior]

Easy , just confess to him that your gay and you love him, if he's really straight that will scare the living daylights of him so bad you'll see him running right away out of your life, problem solved. If he's into you great you can have a relationship and date, either way confessing to him is a win win situation for you, doing nothing will just prolong the misery, so hey you never hit if you never shoot right?

[mdog]

well i would do that seriously, but he would tell everyone (especially if he wasnt gay and hated them) and i would have the worse time in high school and plus my mom wants me to wait and actually know that im gay until i come out to anymore people

[pianoguy]

Hmm.

 

Another tough situation.

 

First off, virtual hug to you, you really need it. *hug*

 

I don't think you need to be mean to him, but I would try to spend less time with him and more time with e=mc2 or whatever your other friends were called (your initial post looks like algebra You may want to see if there is an LGBT group at your school, or trying to locate gay and lesbian individuals at your school that you can discuss this with.

 

Is there anyone else at school that you might be interested in that's gay?

[mdog]

well we have a GSA club but i dont think im ready for that. I dont honestly know anyone from school thats gay. Im trying so hard to see less of him im really trying, but like today after the class he likes to follow me to my locker and like i like that. (and if i told him to stay away i think i would be mad at myself for just doing that) I think its cute because no other guy has ever done that. Hes a type of person that its so hard to say no to b/c of that smile. BUT i honestly hate it. I wish you could just tell if he's gay or straght and i dont know which one he is. He says he's straight but im not sure. Maybe if he was dating a girl i probaly would forget about him but he doesnt. Ugh i hate all this confusion.

[mdog]

I cant take it anymore!!! he's pissing me off now. He hasnt answered any of my texts and now hes not responding to myspace messages. This pisses me off. I just want to blow up at him.....hes someone i truly care bout and he probaly dont give a **** about me. I dont know what to do? should i say sumthin or should i just blow this whole thing or should i just ignore him.

[pianoguy]

Mdog- the main reason you are so pissed at this guy is because you have a crush on him. Imagine for a moment if he were just a friend- you might be a little annoyed, but you certainly wouldn't be pissed off.

 

I still think you should try to limit your time around him- don't avoid him purposely, but don't go out of your way to see him either. Try to spend more time with other friends, especially friends that he doesn't hang out with.

 

Have you thought any more about going to the GSA at your school? It could be worth a shot, and you may meet some interesting folks there.

[mdog]

I hung out with other people this past weekend so that made my weekend. Im just really starting to give up on him. Like im realizing this isnt the guy. Well today was ok. uhm i was going to ignore him and act like he wasnt there, which i did. I said hi to everyone else even talked to someone who i was mad at in the class. After class i figured he would leave and go straight to class but NO he didnt. I still had to put away two notebooks in my bagpack and i also went to throw sumthing away when the bell rang (i did this on purpose hoping that he wouldnt stay) but that was just the opposite. I was still nice to him, but it was awkard talking to him, like before i wanted to talk to him about anything but today i didnt care. I got my book from my locker talked to a good friend (a girl) and talked to her the rest of the way until he said he was leaving and i said bye. Tomorrow im thinkin on going the opposite way, so i dont have to talk to him. Because this is hurting me and i cant let it keep going.

[pianoguy]

Hey mdog- how are things going?

[mdog]

not to good but its my fault. Well uhm this past week was kind of scary..well (B knows that i am gay) i told her that i was gay through myspace (whos like a good friend) her ex boyfriend got on and went through her myspace looking for guys to flip out on and he found out about me but he doesnt know who i even am so..that was kind of a good thing.

 

Oh and the guy i liked well on monday nite i went to get my hair shaved off and i really like it. I didnt tell anyone bout my haircut because i figured someone would talk me out of it or sumthin, so i just did it. Well tuesday i went to school and after 3rd hour the guy and i were going to my locker and he starts feelin on my hair and hes like its awesome, i like it. and i dont remember what i said back but yea.

 

Nuthin happened wednesday (except at our school we had a no place for hate thing) so i was wearing a piece of paper no place for hate. i felt kind of proud.

 

Thursday- was probaly the greatest day but like the most confusing day too. well MC was kind of an * * * * * * * on wed. so that night (thinking about thursday) i was going to end the friendship and instead of going to my locker and having him following me i was going to go the other way and go straight to class. Well, my friend (B) asked me what was wrong (i guess i was feeling kind of depressed or sad and i was like oh nuthin just thinkin) and shes like oh ok. Then her friend later on asked what was wrong i said the same thing. MC then realized sumthin was wrong and asked if i wanted a hug and i gave him a look like i didnt want one. Im sitting down and hes standing and he gives me a hug and like my head was like on his chest. like i liked it because i was happy but that just confused me even more. I didnt realize it until next hour and B was like so did u enjoy ur hug and i was like no and yea. and i told her what i felt.

 

Fri- kind of an * * * * * * *....i went out with other friends text him (oh and he doesnt text me back and i hate when people dont do that) so last night i wrote him a message sayin dont talk to me at school anymore. and you dont even care and all this. Might have went a little to far. he hasnt replied yet.

 

Sat- now felt guilty all day maybe that i went a little too far with that. and i dont want to go back but i kind of want him back? I dont want him back if hes gunna be the same but i want him back if he wants to hang out. basically im mad because he doesnt have time for me anymore and he dont really care and he doesnt want to hang out.

[pianoguy]

Hey mdog,

 

I'm sorry that you had a bad week... but there were a lot of cool things you did too. Great job on wearing the paper on Wednesday!! At my school we had a day of silence, which was really fun, I got to carry around a pad of paper and talk to people only with writing. It takes a lot of courage to do what you did, you should be really proud!

 

The hug... ah yes... when I was in your situation the guy I liked was really tall, about 6 inches taller than me, so even when we were both standing, if we hugged (and he was very huggy) my head would be on his chest. It feels so nice, and so awful.

 

I think you probably did overreact when you sent him the message... you have to realize that he doesn't look at your friendship the same way you do. He's one of the most important things in your life right now, you plan large portions of your life around him, you lay awake at night thinking about what he's doing and what's he's thinking about you, but he just sees you as another friend. He likes you when you spend time together, but he doesn't think much about you when you aren't there, he doesn't try to figure out every little thing that you're doing. So he will probably be really perplexed when he gets your message.

 

I don't think you did any damage with your message, so probably on Monday things will be more or less back to normal.

 

Have you talked about your feelings with friend B? What does she think about the whole thing? Is B someone you're pretty close to?

[mdog]

well we are on spring break so i wont see him till next monday, (thats if i even want to see him) And wearing the piece of paper on wed. was fun. i have to admit, but we could still talk but we couldnt hate people or make fun of someone etc.

 

Yea i know he doesnt think of me like that, but i guess i wish he didnt walk with me to my locker and do all of this stuff and get me all confused..even tho he doesnt even realized what hes doing..i just wish he didnt. I even wish i didnt get that hug. i dont know im not going to talk to him all week maybe just give him some space. i dont even know if i want the friendship either because i dont want to go down this whole thing again. I just wish all these feelings would go away and if that means not talking to him for a week to get these feelings go away then ill do whatever it takes to get rid of them.

 

Yea friend B knows the feelings but she just doesnt know what to do? you know i mean if he says he straight..well he's straight you know. Oh and i did tell her that i didnt want him talkin to me at school and all that and she was like why did u do that and i was like to get rid of these feelings and she was like why cant u just be friends and i was like thats the problem i dont think of him as just a friend and its getting hard so letting him go will make it easy, but she still didnt quite understand, but i think she just gave up. Yea B is someone im pretty close too. We havent hung out yet but we are always busy since we dont have the same friends.

 

I dont know. Im confused. I mean this hurts so much. Someone you would do anything for, but you wouldnt be sure if they would do the same? I mean its killing me. And maybe getting rid of him is a good thing or not talking to him for a week because its killing me to not be able to hang with him.

[shorty4ever2]

Hey mdog,

 

I was just reading through your posts and was wondering how you were making out.

 

It really sux having a crush on someone you dont want to have a crush on, but sometimes you just can't control your feelings. After reading through all your posts, it really seems like you are crushing on him pretty hard. I mean, you know you want to separate yourself from him, but every single time something happens in favor of that, you get upset--which is perfectly understandable, but completely indicative of a pretty serious crush on your part. Every single thing he does, good or bad, is multiplied in your mind about a thousand times. It's completely normal, but also not good for you to keep crushing and building your hopes over and over again

 

First things first, as one of the most important pieces of advice i've given to anyone, you need to figure out what you really want. Talk with people that you feel comfortable with and BE HONEST, not just with them but be honest with yourself. Your teeter totting between loving and hating this individual and its just dragging you down. If you keep up at the rate your going, this obsession will keep pulling you down. until you truly confront the problem, it's always going to be there.

 

As for (MC), well, there's some things you say about him that seem kinda odd for a completely straight individual, and the fact you say he has no girlfriend is only supportive of that. I'm not saying just go up to him and say you want him. I'm not saying that at all, as someone who's been in your shoes, i never could've, and never did tell anyone about my sexuality issues in high school. All I'm saying is you really need to re-analyze the situation and figure out what you really want. If you are crushing on him that hard, then maybe you should consider trying to get closer to him. If you're absolutely sure you want him out of your life, then make sure of it and do it--no regrets. You can't try to push him out of your life if you still think about him and put yourself down after you try to do it, that's only going to cause serious depression issues later on when you realize the potential oppurtunity you threw away.

 

I hope everything works out, and you figure out what you want. It's your life, so make sure you do what YOU want to do, dont let other's live your life. Your a gay teenager in a rough world--sooner or later your going to have to face it. I'm 21 year's old and haven't faced it yet and it sucks, I'd hate to see anyone else in my shoes now.

 

Good luck, and hope to hear back from you.

 

~shorty

[mdog]

I still have feelings for him but if hes straight you know you cant do much so the second best thing is being a friend. But spring break and this week, i realized that hes a straight guy, through a friend (a girl) who told me he has been huggin on her in the hallways and stuff.

I want him as a friend, a friend i can hang out with, a friend whos always there but if he dont want that, i cant force him to want that. He's already popular as it is. So he dont have time for me. I think the only time he cares is when its 3rd hour and the passing period after 3rd hour but the rest of the day he doesnt even care. Maybe if i start thinkin of him as an aquaintance somthin maybe will click in his head. He talked to me more when i didnt care about him. i dont know. I just wont talk to him anymore. Hes the one at lost not me, ill get over it....i got over one guy (now that guy talks to me) i can get over this one...