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how to break up on his birthday?


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i don't think that the fact that today is his birthday should prohibit me from kicking his out. it's been over two years and he hasn't had a steady job for 8 months. work is NOT optional, yet to him, it is. today is his birthday - last night he went to his parent's house to "send out resumes!" i get a text from a gf, your bf is at the bar - we are having a birthday drink with him - what????!!! my bf is an alcoholic, who can't drink during the week (he doesn't admit he is an alcoholic). if he drinks during the week, he does NOT go to work the next day. meanwhile, last week he missed a day of work and i told him if it happens again - we are over. he keeps talking about moving home with mommy and sorry but is 28 yrs old today and he can't take care of himself. i can't do it anymore. he's my life up royaly and it's too much for me to bear. i was home sick yesterday and when he left to go to his mom's - he told me he would be back to take care of me. he didn't get home til 3am! AND he had called at 11pm and told me he was on his way home - so, i took the cake out of the freezer, so it would be out when he got home. yeah...well, the cake was ruined. ALSO, may i add, that i had reservations for dinner tonight. hibachi at his favorite japonese place with 8 of our friends. i had called and e-mailed his parents for TWO weeks and they never got back to me. this past monday, my bf tells me he is going to have dinner with just his brother, mother and father for his birthday. that's what his parents want. his parents, btw are AWFUL. they have been separated for almost a year and his father is a masogonistic piece of cr@p and that's putting it nicely. his parent's want him to be white trash and go to the bar everyday and think that is normal and "cool." anyway - i cancelled the reservation. i am so not happy - i have put over two years and lost many friends and spent THOUSANDS of dollars on his using . I am not happy and want to throw him out. Can I just pack his sh-t while he is out to dinner and drive it to his parent's house and get the locks changed? Just because it is his birthday, does NOT allow him to take the day off. work is NOT optional, especially when he pays NO BILLS and we have not paid rent for March yet, because i refuse to pay the whole thing this time. he hasn't made more than $300 a week in MONTHS. that is just the saddest thing...i would feel sorry for him if i didn't find him SO DAMN PATHETIC. it's over and i know if i don't leave him NOW, i will get sucked back in. HELP!

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Perhaps do all of that, but leave the talk for tomorrow so you can tell him without yelling why you cannot be together. If you do it now, he can always play the "you dumped me on my bday" card and get sympathy from everyone. You don't have to spend the night with him, but I suggest waiting until tomorrow to end it officially.

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bitter much? lol...i can't say i blame you...

 

today is his birthday...you want to break up...do you think if you wait until tomorrow you wont' do it? that if you wait you'll...i don't know...lose the nerve or something? because if that's how you feel i would do it today...birthday or not, you are not happy...and YOU are the most important thing to yourself...not him OR his birthday.

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I certainly think that you should let this guy go. I agree with the above members that you should wait until after his birthday. I'm sorry you are in this mess. You should not have to carry this guy any longer. People are supposed to give equally. As was also stated, please wait until you are not so angry. Good luck to you.

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Ditto what everyone else said. Don't sink to his level, just hold out one more day. I'm sorry you're in such an unhappy state right now. I know what it's like to be in a frustrating relationship, I've been there many moons ago. It does sound like it's time to cut the cord, so to speak. For your own peace of mind, I'd put the break up off until tomorrow, though.

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Spend today planning your breakup so it goes as smoothly as possible, maybe make an appointment with a locksmith, sort your stuff from his and let yourself gather the strength to deal with unexpected fallout from the event, then tomorrow kick him out.

 

When all the nosy bystanders tell his tale of woe, they can't point to the birthday as a sign of your horrible cruelty.

He's a piece of work.

 

Good luck.

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If you would feel better dumping him on his birthday - as a way of revenge because you are completely exhausted from this relationship - DO IT.

But in a smart way - say you're sick and can't go to dinner (if he even invited you) - that would make you feel better for shure, and than tomorrow dump him officcialy. Make all preparations for changing the looks etc.

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ok. he didn't come home the night of his birthday til 3am AGAIN and didn't go to work AGAIN. i told him to have his stuff out when i got home yesterday. i got home and there he was sitting on the couch, legs up on the coffee table, drinking a beer. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

 

we went at it. back and forth. he said he will NOT move out - the lease is under his name. he said he doesn't want me to leave him and he knows i still love him.

 

i don't know what to do! i have nowhere I can go. i have a kitten and he is not declawed, nor will i declaw him - so, my parent's house is not an option PLUS i am 31 and i would rather just move somewhere else. however, we have the least expensive apt in the area - washer/dryer in unit AND dishwasher. i am happy living there. just not with him. he can NOT afford to live in that apt - but, he will not move out.

 

i do NOT know what to do.

 

how do you break up with someone you do love, who wont let you break up with them???

 

any help would be GREATLY APPRECIATED!

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Move out, since the lease is under his name. It's a great payback - move out but don't pay for lease, since it's on his name.

How come the lease is on his name when he's not working?

If he has no money, sooner or later he's going to be out of the appartment, right?

Also, did you move to his appartment or he moved in with you?

More info please.

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were you a co-signer on the lease at all?

If not, get your butt out of there. I know how hard it is finding a place that allows non-declawed kittens, im in that situation right now actually.

 

look on link removed they have a lot of listings. Just find something cheap. it doesn't have to be permanent.

 

Do you have any friends you can stay with for a week or so until you can find a place?

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two plus years ago and we moved in together living with another couple. then last march, we got this place, together - i had a bad credit spell, so we put the apt under his name - ALSO, the last guy i lived with eff'd me over for a lot of money - the guy (maybe you've read some of my posts in the past) is my current boyfriend's identical twin brother.

 

it's all eff'd up.

 

the security is in HIS name because the apt is - however, it's ALL my money.

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