Almost 3 months and I can't get over it!

[sunday13]

Some say it is because he was a gemini and i am a pisces. I don't know if I buy into all that astrology stuff, but whatever the reason, it is driving me crazy!

 

Granted, we haven't been total NC. He contacted me 3 weeks after, then a week after that... then last week when I had to go to the hospital he contacted me again several times to make sure I was ok. It was then that we actually had a conversation. We joked, laughed, but avoided anything serious. He told me to be careful, he had heard about a guy who was interested in me and he said, "you sure know how to pick 'em" And I said, "well what does that say about you?" And he replied, "I'm weird, I know it."

 

I think that convo set me back a few weeks in the healing department... it showed that he definitely cares, but just not enough to want to be back together. He texted an inside joke the following day to which I replied to, but haven't heard anything since.

 

Sadly, I am very much still in love with him.

[Karhu]

different people take different ammounts of time to heal, it's common that the time to fully get over someone can be half as long as the origional relation lasted.

 

breaking NC will only set you back. even if you wish to be friends in the long run, it's hard after breaking up, as friendship would bring up many hidden emotions, which would slow the recovery time, and make it take longer before you are mentally prepaired for another healthy relationship.

 

often it's easier to be friends with an ex when both parties acknowledge that it's for the best that it's over, and both parties move on with their life and have a new person they are fully commited to.

[lady00]

AussieSuomissa gave a really good response. All I would add is that in my experience, my first breakup was the hardest for me to get over. It was a brief relationship (a few months) but it took me years to get over because I did not want to get over him. I had convinced myself that I was in love. In your case, you actually are in love with your ex so it is going to be hard. I just think you need to make a committment to being good to yourself and distancing yourself from your ex. It seems like you're already doing that so when will the pain end? I don't know. What I do know is that all of us here have felt so into a particular person in a particular point in time only to look back years later and feel nothing (or feel like we care about the person but don't have romantic feelings for them). I once had an ex come back but it was a mistake and I ended things. Before that I had really pined away for him and wanted him back so badly. Then I dated someone else (before we got back together) and I stopped wanting him. Then the ex came back wanting to date me again. I was still with the other guy but things didn't work out and I started dating the ex again. But things were not the same. I couldn't trust him again. I was unwilling to believe that he had changed. And so I ended things. Now we talk and he tells me about his girlfriend and I tell him about my ex and I have no desire to get him back. My feelings have changed radically. They began to change when I dated the next guy I dated after him and they have changed even more since I have dated my most recent ex. For me personally I tend to keep the door open until I start dating someone new and then what will happen is my feelings will shift a lot and I will focus on the new guy. That doesn't mean I spent all my time out of relationships sad over the last guy but that is usually the "window" or opportunity for me and if the guy comes back after I have dated someone else, usually my pristine image of him has changed dramatically and I don't put him on a pedastal anymore.

 

I have had to see my most recent ex almost every day. It's been hard but I have learned ways to distance myself from him and keep our contact to an absolute minimum and it is helping a lot. I do want him back but I am much happier this way. My advice is keep doing NC or limited contact, whichever is possible. It won't necessarily change your feelings for your ex but it will change your attitude towards wanting him back. You will still likely want him back but you will be more comfortable with the idea of not having him back. I think once you get to that point, your chances of getting back together increase dramtically. But at that point, you may not want him back anymore.

[sunday13]

I've tried dating other people... since our breakup, I have tried dating more "successful" people. (My ex barely had a job, lived with is parents up until the day before we broke up, drove his dad's old car...but personality-wise and intellectually we couldn't have been a better match)

 

So, he told me I deserved better, so I tried to date "better."

 

So far, I have agreed to dates with an analyst who works in intelligence for the government, a developer who owns homes in Lake Tahoe, NYC, LA, and Denver...he also happens to be the brother of an A-list actor. I have also gone out with an NFL lineback. I am BORED with them! No personality...they seem fixated on their success. They are more interested in tooting their own horn than learning about me.

 

I am smart, attractive, fun, compassionate, have lots of opinions, am invested in global and social causes...I have a decent job with side interests. But none of them get that far... I leave each time thinking if I were with my broke ex we would be having the time of our lives.

[lady00]

I think that you are going to be, for now at least, comparing every guy to your ex and holding him up as almost this impossible standard that no one else can hope to meet. And until you get to a point where you can evaluate your dates on an independent basis. While the guys you have been seeing don't seem to be a good match for you, eventually you will meet guys that are. It's just going to be a process of trial and error and healing along the way. Sorry you're having a tough time dating but one thing I will say is it doesn't sound like the breakup has hit your confidence too much, which is great. You still realize that you are a great catch and that is essential regardless of who you date because they will find that attractive.

[McmasterMcgee]

In my oppinion i think you should not start dating soon after a seriouse relationship unless he treated you wrong and/or you know you are over him.

Until you are over him you will compare others to him and they arent him so you may just end up breaking hearts over it.

 

If you are seriouse about another relationship give the guys a chance, i can garuntee you EVERYONE in the world has someone else they would have gotten along with better even if theyve been hapilly married for 50 years.

 

I think you should keep up NC until you are sure you are over him, being his friend will only hurt you when and if he starts dating someone else or brings up past memories. I hope my post helped, please take into consideration im not trying to tell you what you should do, just suggestions i think would have a more positive ending with less pain.

[sunday13]

thanks mcmaster..yeah, it makes sense! i definitely don't want to hurt anyone. i guess i am in the weird stage where i don't want to date around... i don't want flings or play the field... i want a real relationship. at the same time, you are right... i am simply not ready. and that's ok my friends keep telling me, "best way to get over a guy is to get under another one!" that's just not me. i can't even enjoy physical intimacy if it doesn't mean anything.

 

and thanks for your support, lady I am trying to be confident without being conceited. it is a fine balance.... i am in NO MEANS perfect... but I do think I am loving, caring, loyal, and a free spirit who loves adventure and fun... I think I have a lot to give someone... I just want to love! But, it is true, my ex was my first true love.

 

First cut is the deepest. (I hate that song, but it's true!)

[sunday13]

woah!!.... I just noticed I put a lot of smileys in that last post! sorry

 

that was uncalled for!