BrendaBean Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Hi all: I'm a new member to ENA and I just want to thank everyone who is committed to this forum. You help so many without even knowing it. I posted a few weeks or so ago in the long distance section about a problem I was having in a long distance relationship. In a nutshell, we had been together for a year and a half - our fair share of ups and downs, but always worked them out; and up until about three weeks ago, I was always 100% sure that this man loved me dearly. We had been in a very long distance relationship, but we were working through it and I was even going to go see him this month. A little bit of background on him: he just turned 30, he is a tour operator in India, and the most important things to him are family and religion (he's a muslim. . i am not. also, his family is very traditional and expects he'll have an arranged marriage). Despite our differences and knowing these things early on, we always made plans for getting around any problems that arose (e.g., moving together outside of India so there would be no family pressures, etc.). Basically, both of us knew from the beginning that he would probably be faced with the arranged marriage thing, but we planned for it from the BEGINNING. I was assured it wouldn't be an issue, otherwise I would have been stupid to get involved knowing in time he'd just get married to someone of his parents' choosing. In late February I had a birthday and he was the first person to call (at midnight) to wish me happy birthday. He told me how much he loved me and reminded me of how we spent my birthday last year (I was with him in India), and everything was fine. About a week after that, I called him after not speaking with him in a few days and when he finally answered me (which is not like him to just not answer his phone) he told me out of nowhere that he needed time and space to "think about his life" and he didn't know if he wanted to be with me anymore. When I say this was out of nowhere, I seriously mean it. The one thing I can say about him is that he can't fake his feelings. When he really loves you - you feel it. I felt it on my birthday. When he's out of love, you can definitely sense it from him - and I was sensing that he was OUT of love with me. After only a WEEK! After trying for the past two weeks to get answers from him (and I can say that my behavior didn't help anything. . I was doing everything I shouldn't have; pushing for answers, not giving him the space he asked for, crying on the phone. .), he finally told me that the reason he had been this way was because his parents are now pushing for him to get married (arranged, of course), and he's "confused" about it (which means he's considering it). He is also going to be pursuing business opportunitiees in other parts of Asia (so he says) so that's another thing that he is "thinking about" in his life. While he said he didn't want to break up, he just wasn't sure about anything. He also did the thing where he would not officially break it off, and would "leave it up to me". I finally ended it on the phone a few nights ago because I really don't think I had any choice but to just let it go. There are so many emotions I feel, and I'm working through the whole range (hurt, anger, shock, you name it). .but even after I get over him (hopefully), I still feel so pessimistic about the future. If I can be in a relationship that was so seemingly secure, at least in how much I KNEW I was loved, and it dissolved almost OVERNIGHT, how in the world can I go on thinking that maybe I'll find the "one". . why? Just so he can wake up one morning and decide to call it quits? Don't get me wrong, I know that I took a risk in the beginning as far as the obstacles we faced, but right now the thing that kills me is that I just don't feel he even loves me anymore, and that's the part that scares me. How can you EVER feel secure in a relationship when you realize that people are capable of just waking up and falling out of love? Link to comment
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