I'm infatuated with him; how do I stop?

[desert_rose26]

Just in case his feelings aren't as strong as mine, and because our future is still unveiled for now, I want to stop the infatuation of mine or diminish it. We will be meeting in 65 days. We are in different countries.

 

I've read that infatuation is a normal first stage of a romantic relationship. Even though we are in a LDR, I feel like I'm confused - stuck in between virtual and reality. When he calls, it feels so real. But when he doesn't, I feel like it's virtual again. I hope that makes sense. But I'm sure some of you will understand what I'm saying.

 

I can control myself and feelings for awhile and then after a while, I get unbalanced again. But generally, I'd say I will be okay.

 

I think I care more about the relationship than HE does. One reason is because this is my first relationship with a guy. I think in this way, I have less experience in controlling my feelings than him. I know this is normal, since it's my first time and all but how to I be LESS infatuated?

 

 

below I copy and pasted an article that really helped me understand my state. It's from link removed

 

There are some feelings we have when infatuated that we don’t have when we’re feeling love. Some of the “symptoms” of infatuation are; feelings of panic, uncertainty, overpowering lust, feverish excitement, impatience, and/or jealously.

 

When infatuated, we are thrilled, but not happy, wanting to trust, yet suspicious. There are lingering, nagging doubts about our “partner in infatuation” and their love for us. We’re miserable when they’re away, almost like we’re not complete unless we’re with them. It’s a rush and it’s intense. It’s difficult to concentrate. And most infatuation relationships have a high degree of sexual charge around them. Somehow being with them is not complete unless in ends in some type of sexual encounter.

 

Do any of these “symptoms” resemble feelings of love? Hardly. So why do we become infatuated? Where does it come from? Perhaps it’s biological.

 

When infatuated we experience a surge of dopamine that rushes through the brain causing us to feel good. Norepinephrine flows through the brain stimulating production of adrenaline (pounding heart). Phenylethalimine (found in chocolate) creates a feeling of bliss. Irrational romantic sentiments may be caused by oxytocin, a primary sexual arousal hormone that signals orgasm and feelings of emotional attachment. Together these chemicals sometimes override the brain activity that governs logic.

 

The body can build up tolerances to these chemicals so it takes more of the substance to get that special feeling of infatuation. People who jump from relationship to relationship may be craving the intoxicating effects of these substances and may be “infatuation junkies”.

 

When the chemical flood dries up, the relationship either moves into a loving romantic one or there is disillusionment, and the relationship ends.

[robowarrior]

Or in other words your in love with him, and wish to be with him. Perfectly ok and just love him completely instead of trying to stop yourself.

 

In case that things go wrong, You need to be like a castle gate closing yourself to bad people/things/events, and open yourself up to good people/things/events, if you let the enemy into your castle they will only end up destroying it, and leaving you crying over the ruins.From there you can keep on crying, or rebuild your life,

 

Don't go into arguments with him or with anyone, arguments are like poison to any relationship, you aren't with him so he can make you unhappy, nor is he with you so you could make him unhappy, so only put love and light into eachothers lives.So refuse to give another spin to that wheel of hatred when arguments arise, you cannot fight evil with evil, you can only fight evil with love, A relationship is all about being together and still letting eachother be able to do their own things.

 

Also never go into a relationship with expectations like 'its me so its bound to work' , reality is that a guy can pack his bags and leave any day, so anticipate that things 'may or may not' work out. You can love someone but you cannot hold them prisoner. Don't put your life on a halt when something goes wrong entirelly with your relationship. Many people wallow in selfpity over their lost loves, so its better to anticipate,(im not saying its going to happen) that things might not work out , that way its easier to put of the blindfold of love and face reality into that you need to pick up the pieces of your broken heart and glue them back together, giving yourself time to heal and then moving on with your life again.

[desert_rose26]

Thank you for taking time to give me those excellent tips. I very much like your analogy about the castle gate. I will never forget it.

[rikka]

You are right, infatuation is one of the first stages of love. But infatuation has to be tempered with reality. If you find yourself getting swept up in the feelings, it can be unhealthy.

 

In first relationships it is so easy to get caught up in the emotion and the "could be"s. In your case, you haven't met him yet so right now your are infatuated with your idea of him. That is an easy thing to do.

 

Having been in a slightly similar situation, my suggestion is to temper your fantasies with a bit of pesimistic reality. That way you are "preparing your castle gates" like robowarrior talked about.