The bleepin ring and a whole can of worms

[facade]

So, as I posted in one of my final replies in my original thread, here my bf did get me this ring that he promised...now here's the twist ](*,)

 

I can't wear the ring in front of his parents. The manner in which my bf brought this up was very gentle and he never said I absolutely couldn't wear it in front of them, but the gist of it was "please don't". There are no issues with me wearing it anywhere else, just not in front of his parents. The reason he gave was that his mother will be upset and resent me. Keep in mind, I have only met her 3x and saw her a couple of times here and there for only minutes at a time. Right now his mother is not exactly negative about our relationship (as far as I know), but she is not positive when it comes to it, either and he wants her to view our relationship more positively, before she is informed of this ring (even though it's not an engagement ring) because he says that right now, there is still the possibility she will come around and be a little positive about it, but if she knew about the ring, she would be negative indefinitely and it would impact our relationship. But she doesn't want to be around me, thus the reason I have only met her those 3x and I don't see how there will ever be anything resembling a positive relationship between her and I, if he never takes me around her and she doesn't want me around.

 

When thinking of his mother, you really can't consider her anywhere remotely "normal", whatever that is. A couple of things she's said that make absolutely NO sense are so totally off the wall, that she has to be borderline...something...I just don't know what that "something" is. When she first met my son (16) she told my bf in private, "That Brian...I don't know about him...there is something wrong with him. He didn't even talk to me. I don't want to spend any time around that boy." Now, my son IS quiet, but he is also extremely, extremely respectful of adults, polite, well-behaved, laid back, never been in trouble, does well in school, actively participates in athletics year round and holds family in high regard. My bf was flabbergasted and so was I, as I have never heard of anyone say anything so off the wall and wrong about my son, especially based on one meeting where the reasons for the judgement were simply because my son was quiet. In the town we lived in, before, he was very well known, very popular and adults and kids, alike, all knew him well from his athletics. This is no exaggeration...anyone who has ever met my son, likes him, until now.

 

Another totally off the wall thing is she asked my bf, "does your girlfriend clean your house for you and cook your meals? She really should, because you are so busy with your work and daughters." Now, seriously...we don't live together, and in fact, live 20 minutes apart from each other! I have my own home to keep, job to work and kids to take care of. He doesn't pay my way or even contribute to my finances in any way, shape or form and I am rarely at his house...he is at mine! Usually I can at least somewhat see someone's point, but this is so amazingly beyond comprehension that it makes no sense to me, whatsoever.

 

I think that his mother wants my bf to be happy, but she doesn't know or doesn't care what it is that makes him happy, and in her mind, it's absolutely not me. But then again, it's not any other woman on this earth, either. His ex wife had HUGE issues with the woman, as she nit picked her to death and was just blatantly rude. It was so bad that my bf blames his mother for a big part in the breakdown of his marriage and I know for a fact that these concerns that my bf have are legitimate (there are a lot of things from the past that suddenly make sense with this new information) and he truly believes this is the best way to conduct ourselves and that any other way would be the equivalent of shooting off my big toe.

 

Now my problem isn't so much that I can't wear the ring around his parents...my issue is this isn't at all what I bargained for. I am feeling that if she would make things so miserable, that it would trash our relationship, over a promise/journey ring, then what else will be put on hold or hidden because of her? Only two weeks ago, we were looking at houses to buy, and just how on earth was he expecting THAT would go over?

 

I don't know what to do because under normal circumstances I wouldn't have issues with his mother's influence and opinions, even if she was just an overprotective one, but this woman doesn't seem to be playing with a full deck and frankly I don't want my life and options or rather, lack of, dictated by her. I feel like I should give the ring back to my bf and end the relationship completely, which I do NOT want to do, but what alternatives do I really have? He seems to want to appease his mother, not to make her happy, rather to make his and my life together better, but I have serious doubts that his mother will ever think of me positively. I love my boyfriend with all of my heart and really want to spend my life with him (after other issues are resolved). I just don't know that love is enough to allow something like this into my life and I'm rather angry with my boyfriend that this wasn't presented to me way back around the time that he felt it was a good point in our relationship to inform me that if/when we got married, he'd want a prenuptial. This seems just as major and I seriously doubt I'd have stayed in it, knowing beforehand what I was getting myself into.

 

I feel like my boyfriend should come with some sort of warning label, like "WARNING: Crazy mother included...not intended for individuals wanting to maintain their sanity. Proceed with caution."!

 

Please...suggestions/advice/thoughts? What do I do? What would you do?

[ghost69]

that is weird. he needs to make a stand.

[facade]

He thinks that will make matters worse, and I know that if I were to tell him he needs to just tell them to mind their own business, it will make things worse between him and I. He feels and I don't disbelieve that he knows how his mother will react, but if it were me, I'd tell her to butt out and if she had nothing good to say, then I wouldn't be coming around...but that is me, not him.

[ghost69]

does he want his life to be run forever?