How to reject someone and stay friends for real?

[Unhumble]

I often noticed that when I show that I don't want a relationship with a girl who approached me and I want to stay friends... they don't really care about the friendship - even if previously we were friends.

I find it sad since I personally value friendship a lot. And I often want the friendship of those people more than anything else...

 

How do you think I could try to stay friends (and really stay friends... not just say "let's just be friends" and then ignore each other for the rest of our lives) with people whom I "reject" (what an ugly word, by the way...)?

[AwdreeHpburn]

hey unhumble - GREAT question!

 

I said no to a boy once who I really liked - as a friend - and I told him that. I said, "I really want to still be friends." But he didn't buy it. He said, "oh don't give me the let's be friends line!" And then he disappeared for a while.

 

Luckily I knew where to find him and I just kept being his friend. We both eventually got married and moved on but remained friends - still are.

 

I had to actively be his friend.

 

My advice, give her some time but then call and make plans with her.

Continuoulsy do things with her that friends do. Include her in group functions etc.

 

Make your feelings clear but you have to keep the friendship active. She may not want to because she'll feel "rejected" but you can get her to realise how you really feel with actions.

 

Actions DO speak louder than words...

[shes2smart]

Sometimes in that situation, you have to give people a little time to nurse a bruised ego and get some distance from any embarrassment they may feel about actions they've taken/things they've said. Even if you are very gentle and kind in your "rejection" it still stings a bit and it takes time to get over that.

 

There are also some people who find it more painful to continue a friendship with someone when they really want more. If that's the case, you need to respect their wishes so that they may take care of themselves.

[renaissancewoman101]

keep in friendly contact with the person. Call the person up to say "hi" or see how they are doing. Do something "friendly" with them by asking them out for coffee or to hang out.

 

That way it shows that you do like them, just not in "that" way.

[langford]

A friendship with someone you feel more for it's often just too difficult - even if you value the friendship greatly being around them is just too awkward and painful.I think the only time it would be possible is if she got into relationship and those feelings were resolved.

[hk87]

If you let the awkwardness of the situation affect you, then it will. If you sweep it away and get on with life, then you will remain friends. I confessed to my friend to liking him, but he didn't like me like that, however he acted perfectly normally to me the next day he saw me. I'll admit I was a bit embarrassed at first, but we are now such good friends, I can't imagine losing him over something like that now. Our friendship started because I persisted with him. He was not a forward person, but I am, so I kept asking him Qs about himself, and making him talk to me. He could've walked away from me right at the beginning, but he didn't, and now he can't imagine not having me as his friend now, we can talk for hours!

You are friends with the people you make an effort with and pursue. Not the ones you let come to you. To get friends you have to be a friend.

 

Hk87