Talk about confusing

[Jetta]

Okay my ex is giving mixed messages. Truth is I know he still loves me (I can just sense it), but I'm sure he's really hurt and angry. Anyway he came over the other night and yes we did. He was pretty cuddly when he first arrived, I wasn't.

 

Okay here's the thing. When I talk to him he says he doesn't want to get back together. But on Friday night when he wasn't doing anything and our daughter was with his parents he was quick to hope in the car and drive to my place (an hour away). He brought a movie but I was too tired to stay up and watch it.

 

His actions say one thing his words the opposite. Which is it? I'm leary about moving on if we can get back together. And guys are starting to show interest in me again. Real life and on-line. So obviously I'm healing from all this trauma, but hesitant to move on if I can reunite. What do you honestly think? Will he reunite with me, or just I just move on for real. I know I've asked before but I'm asking again because moving on is close at hand.

[vagrant]

It depends on what broke you up.. and if YOU think you can live with the aftermath of whatever it was. You two obviously need to sit down and talk about it....

[kadvati79]

Okay my ex is giving mixed messages. Truth is I know he still loves me (I can just sense it), but I'm sure he's really hurt and angry. Anyway he came over the other night and yes we did. He was pretty cuddly when he first arrived, I wasn't.

"Okay my ex is giving mixed messages": is he GIVING mixed messages, or are you READING mixed messages?

 

I'm sure we all think our ex'es still love us. Maybe they do. But unfortunately John Lenon was wrong, love is not all you need. You actually need to want to be with the person. He doesn't, for what ever reason, and he's made a pretty bold step. His feelings are pretty irrelevant, so is what he says. What is relevant is what he has done, which is leave you. Thats a pretty clear message right there.

 

His actions say one thing his words the opposite. Which is it?

You yourself said he told you he doesn't want to get back together. You are not back together. thereforeeee, his words and actions do actually match up. What doesn't match up is your perceptions. Yeah, sure, he's finding it hard to let go. But all he is doing by keeping you around is easing the pain of letting you go.

 

I'm leary about moving on if we can get back together.

If you don't move on, chances are you won't get back together. And even if you did, what will either of you actually have learned or solved.

 

What do you honestly think? Will he reunite with me, or just I just move on for real. I know I've asked before but I'm asking again because moving on is close at hand.

Occam's Razor states that the simplest explaination is usually the correct one. The simplest explanation here is that he doesn't want to get back with you, but he misses being with you. So he's trying to keep you as a friend to get the best of both worlds.

[darkpumpkin]

Just beware of lonelyness from his side. He's expressed he doesn't want to get back together with you but still enjoy's your company. In my opinion he either wants to be friends/friends with benifit or he's feeling lonely and coming to a place he thinks he can. Ok but enough about him because this has to do with YOU. What do you want? do you need space before becoming friends can you be friends, do you want him in your life?

[Jetta]

What do you want? do you need space before becoming friends can you be friends, do you want him in your life?

 

Yes I think we'd be better friends than spouses. I have to have him in my life because of my daughter. Otherwise I'd move on happily. And yes now I think I'm fine with being friends, at least I hope so. Really a big part of me just wants to go back to normal, but normal is gone.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Why don't you tell him this.

 

Tell him you need to know because you would like to move on.

 

Tell him you are confused by his actions not matching his words.

 

Tell him what you want and that you intend to get what you want so he needs to step up or step out.

 

Its your call. You are in control. Cease it.

[Jetta]

I have done that I get a wishy washy answer from him. Basically he doesn't want to be with me right now, he's enjoying his freedom (but not seriously dating anyone). He wanted me back initially but he likes his independance now. That is exactly what he said last night.