Turning my life around....

[Lily04]

Hi guys,

 

I know I likely posted something like this before, but I really mean it this time.. because of something my friend said to me that really struck home. At first I was mad at him... I said he was rude, and I still am somewhat upset at him actually..but he's right (I suppose he could have just been a bit more sensitive about the way he said it.) I was complaining about how I can't find guys I like, wondering if I have too high standards as per usual, and he straight-out said "Lily... honestly you're not the 'best' out there either, so there's probably something wrong with you." (along those lines.) I suppose I was offended at that, because in my mind, I am somewhat... a catch? But he said "honestly, I know girls who are being asked out by attractive successful men 8x/day, so why are you having trouble then?" (essentially.) First off, considering my environment, that's technicaly not even possible, but then you have to consider WHY I'm NOT in that environment then... because I haven't made it there yet. Why is that? I dismissed it before as because I'm too young, but that's not the case anymore as people my age have graduated and are already in successful careers. The reason is because there is something wrong. I wasn't really prepared to fully acknowledge that before, but it's true.. the reason why I'm not at that stage (when I am capable of it) is because I'm not reaching my objectives... I'm not doing what is necessary to get there. I'm not pushing myself like I did in 2nd year of university... which was my best year academically. I somehow slumped... and I feel really bad for that. I can't create excuses anymore.. seriously.

 

So I'm asking you to also help be my support as I do this...I really want to change my ways and honestly give it my best. I only have one month left now to go before school is done, so I need to give it my all... I hope people here will also help me to do that. Thanks so much.

 

Lily

[melrich]

I hope you give it your best too Lily and it all goes great for you.

 

But I don't get the connection with what your friend said and your thoughts about your career? He was talking about your success or otherwise with dating and the fact that your standards are too high. How do you see that relates to your academic achievements?

[Lily04]

Because if I do well academically, I will get into grad school, and be in the right environment and mindset to meet people of similar 'standards' so to speak... the unfortunate thing about all of this, was that I was a very dedicated and excellent student starting out... high school I graduated at the top of my class. First year university, even, I did OK... but then soo many things happened, I lost my confidence, work habits slipped....things went to ruin. And he was questioning... if I am an intelligent person... but don't meet my potential, then do I really deserve to have such high standards? And if I don't reach my own standards (of being successful and academically accomplished..) then I likely won't even be in the right place to meet those type of people...another problem is that when I do date 'successful' people in their careers and so forth, I feel threatened personally as I feel like I am not on par with them....and I want an equal relationship. So until I start buckling down, that's not going to happen and I will continually feel unsatisfied in relationships as a result.

[rpare001]

I think you should consider grad school, seriously, you can't make up 3 poor academic years of college in one month, but getting your masters, giving you roughly 2 more years to get yourself back on track, academically and in other ways. Besides, if your not happy with what you did undergrad, then getting your masters will give you something to show off and put your undergrad years in the shadows. Not to mention it really would make you more of a catch, it would definitely open up more career paths for you to be successful, or at least open up more opportunities to be happy with whatever career you choose. Anyways, thats just my 2 cents. I really do wish you luck in whatever path you choose to take to turn your life around.

[Lily04]

Thanks rpare. That is actually one path I am considering, if my academic record is good enough to be admitted into graduate school.....do you think it is possible if my avg. is perhaps only a B? Granted, I am doing a 5th year of undergrad next year and applying, so I may be able to get some strong references as well depending on the outcome of this year and next.

[Leonhart]

If you can get your MA then by all means, do it! Even if you don't go for it, you're no less of a person though. But if it'll make you happy, then do all you can to accomplish that dream!

 

Good luck, we're rooting for you, Lily.

 

Best wishes,

Kevin

[Lily04]

If you can get your MA then by all means, do it! Even if you don't go for it, you're no less of a person though. But if it'll make you happy, then do all you can to accomplish that dream!

 

Good luck, we're rooting for you, Lily.

 

Best wishes,

Kevin

 

Thanks Kevin. Did you change your username by any chance?? I remember a Kevin by a different moniker...

 

Unfortunately, if I do not get my masters or law degree, I would feel as if I am 'lesser' of a person... I assume many people would as well? Perhaps it's just because my family has stressed the value of education so much with me & my sister, that *not* going to graduate studies would feel like an immense personal failure..perhaps it's not such a big deal for others, however..

[rpare001]

lol, those two responses came while I was typing my initial one, it would seem to me though that you have a pretty good idea on what you want to accomplish, now you just have to go about doing it, but don't stress yourself out though and think about too much at a time. Take it step by step, if you get too caught up in wanting to be successful in the end, you'll become disheartened with the actual path and loose track again, figure out each shorter term goal you need to accomplish in order to bring your long term goals to fruition.

 

Also, I feel your fine with a B average, I am at a very good school right now working on my masters and I graduated undergrad with a B+ average. What was important for me was that my first major GPA was very high, but I did poorly in some gen-ed classes that dragged my overall GPA down. The only problem you might face is that your best year was your 2nd, and grad schools like to see improvement over time, but that shouldn't be too hard to overcome with some good references and a good application

[Leonhart]

Kevin T = Wilhelm

 

The IP address checks out, anyway. lol

 

The old account is no longer... accessible, shall we say? That's all. So I needed a new name.

 

Anyway, hey... I wanted (and still do) want my MA and Ph.D in Psychology. And I'm smart enough to get it too. One thing, some of my grades have just been down right bad. I can't recover without redoing A LOT. Which would cost me a lot of time and A LOT of money. So it may never happen now (I'm hoping, but I just don't see how. I need an 80% average for psychology, which is insanely high. I'd need high 90s to raise my average enough by when I need it. *sigh*) But I've learned it's not the end of the world if I don't get it.

 

Are your parents highly educated and successful?

[rpare001]

Think about this also, for everyone who is considering grad school lol, most kids who go to college are going because their parents WANT them too, I know most of my friends would have rather just gotten jobs, but most people who apply to grad school are doing so of their OWN initiative. thereforeeee, simply by applying, you are showing that you are making a commitment to further your education, and thereforeeee grad schools are far, far more likely to take a chance on an average student than an undergrad school would

[Lily04]

Kevin T = Wilhelm

 

The IP address checks out, anyway. lol

 

The old account is no longer... accessible, shall we say? That's all. So I needed a new name.

 

Anyway, hey... I wanted (and still do) want my MA and Ph.D in Psychology. And I'm smart enough to get it too. One thing, some of my grades have just been down right bad. I can't recover without redoing A LOT. Which would cost me a lot of time and A LOT of money. So it may never happen now (I'm hoping, but I just don't see how. I need an 80% average for psychology, which is insanely high. I'd need high 90s to raise my average enough by when I need it. *sigh*) But I've learned it's not the end of the world if I don't get it.

 

Are your parents highly educated and successful?

 

I feel the same... one of my best friends wants to go the Ph.D psych track as well, but is having difficulty & may not end up doing it... she has decent grades (I believe around a 3.7 GPA?) but it's not high enough for the school she wants (she's only applying to one or 2 schools as she is older, has a family & son, and so can't just go to any school that accepts here..) and they are both very competitive schools. So if she doesn't get in there, then I'm not sure what she'll do...but yes, I understand the pressure by hearing her stresses. Unfortunately.. I am in a similar situation. My GPA is around 3.0, there's no real 'trend' per se... lots of highs/lows, although this year may be OK... around a B+/A- depending on my courses this term... I'm anticipating B+? And I still have another year (or semester depending on when I apply.)

 

I really want to go to law school, but I'm not sure it's in teh works to be honest because of that... law schools want a high last 2 years (i.e. 3.5 minimum) and I'm not sure I have that... grad school may still be possible. otherwise we shall see.

 

My parents are not highly educated & successful, in fact... my dad immigrated here from Europe along with my Mom's family although my Mom was born here... they both never got to accomplish what they wanted in life, so they are living vicariously through me & my sister essentially... which just puts A LOT of pressure on us. My sister is only 17 and already preparing to consider doing an MBA, etc... but also to note, I am not very close with my parents, my Dad is a workaholic, my mom believes that education is all you have... even though my sister & I have many other talents & personality traits that could make us do alright I suppose..

 

Anyway. I should get back to work, this is a side-note... I'll check the thread tomorrow. Thanks.

 

Lily