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How am I suppose to feel about him being friends with his ex?

 

He and his ex (Monique) lived together for about 3 years, and together just a little longer than that. She was the one who decided to break it off. apparently it wasn't a bad break. He and I was talking about it the other night. The discussion came up because of my exboyfriend Alex. He wants me to have nothing to do with him at all. He said that he was an *** to me and to everybody around him. That he was immature and just acted in a way that I shouldn't want to be friends with him. thereforeeee, he doesn't want me to have anything to do with him whatsoever. Now when me and my current boyfriend got together, Monique wasn't exactly nice about it, and had said and done a few nasty things. I asked him why he was still friends with her after that he said this:

 

Now that she has accepted me and him being together (like he needed her acceptance???) that she has been nicer to him. He then proceeded to tell me that she is funny and smart. She is also his "preferred" body type. Skinny and brunette. She has her own home in the mountains, (in which he loved living there) and she has her own business. She is established in her life. He had fun being with her. I know that he still cares for her for he has told me this as well as him still liking her. He told me that she still wants to be with him, but he most likely won't get back with her because "it just won't work out." Never mind the fact that I'm with him.

 

I know that he still sees her while I am at work. He went to one of his friends birthday parties last night (and didn't bring me with him) and I know she was there, but he won't tell me wether or not she was.

 

So yes I am jealous of her. He says that I shouldn't be. Am I wrong to feel this way? I'm I wrong to feel hurt by this? Am I just being insecure and needy? (ugh I hate that word) What should I do. I would appreciate any advice opinions, responses, anything. Thanks.

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He won't let me talk to her. I have her email address, and sometimes I think about writing to her, but I would feel bad about doing it behind his back since I know that he doesn't want me to.

 

Talking to him doesn't seem to help at all. I don't know what to do, it hurts and it's frustrating. It's like he doesn't get it.

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Personally I would not contact her, you don't know if she can be trusted or believed...but more so that is breaking your bf trust & going behind his back. I'd Leave her out of your relationship.

No you're not wrong to be jealous. It's human nature to be... you feel threatend. And he's giving you reasons to be as well.

how long have you two been dating? have you told him how you feel about this? what has his response been?

have you asked him why you weren't you inivited to the party? and why does he only see her at work?

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Yeah,...I would take a step away from this relationship until he figured out some things. And don't sit there and let him convince you that you are just insecure and needy when there are serious red flags going up. I am not saying he is doing anything "wrong" but emotionally he still seems connected to her. Which means the two of you won't be bridging any distances. I think you should back up the seriousness of this relationship to a platonic level and date other people until or unless he wants an exclusive relationship. He seems to still be "dating" her on a social level. I think you should be free to do that as well.

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regardless of if she's being nicer or if she is funny or smart. He should be respecting your feelings.

If he is not doing so, I would definietly do as fnlyfrei suggested. because he does seem to be emotionally connected to her and if he is not understanding or respecting your feelings...than you do need up the seriousness to friendship... because you deserve more.

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Flower99 -

 

I'm not going to contact her although he has (and still does) continue to contact my ex to let him know how he feels about him. Makes sense? not really.

 

We have been dating about 8 months. He and I have an age gap, and his friends aren't comfortable with it yet, also, they are his friends not mine, so that's why I'm assuming I wasn't invited to the party. He knows I'm kinda upset about it, but all he has done is acknowledged it. I have told him how I feel about her all he does is defend himself. Saying how he doesn't activly seek her out or call her or anything, how's she the one who seeks him out. That bothers me because he told me that to tell my ex to leave me alone and to not contact me, and yet he doesnt tell her that.

 

fnlyfrei -

 

He says that he is committed to me and I know that I am more than committed to him. I think that we are going to talk things out more before we start taking steps backwards. But I guess at this point it's a possibility. It's just not her though.

 

We went to luch today and the topic came up about ongoing conversations with the opposite sex, how that can't happen without sex coming up. He said that two people of the opposite sex can't "just talk". One of them will end up emotionally invovled or one will want to have sex. He told me he didn't wasn't comfortable with me talking to this guy online because of that. And when I asked him about the girls he talks to, he plain out lied to me about it. He says he hasn't, when I have seen the messages, (he left them up on his computer when I was in the room with him). This is frustrating.

 

Thanks for your replies I really appreciate it.

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He's contacting your ex???? that's not right

He apparently has a number of double standards, he says one thing to you & he does another. He makes you stop talking to your ex & contacts him...yet he's maintaining contact with his ex & not allowing you to contact her???? He openly addmits that two people of opposite sex can't 'just talk' Yet he's doing EXACTLY that with his ex. Red flag.

And on top of it...you've caught him in lies.

I'm sorry but things are not looking good. You can't build a healthy relationship on a rocky foundation. He's showing you a number of warning signs I'd pay attention to them.....I personally would get out of this relationship.

Its hurting you & all he does it dismiss your feelings & continues to lie & double talk.

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He's contacting your ex???? that's not right

I'm sorry but things are not looking good. You can't build a healthy relationship on a rocky foundation. He's showing you a number of warning signs I'd pay attention to them.....I personally would get out of this relationship.

Its hurting you & all he does it dismiss your feelings & continues to lie & double talk.

 

I was hoping that it wouldn't come to that.

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I was hoping that it wouldn't come to that.

 

((Hugs)) I'm sorry.

 

but honestly, I don't believe there is anything more you can do. You can try to keep talking to him? but you will most likely continue to hear him defend himself & your feelings will be ignore. Or covered with lies.

You could keep hoping. but given the signs you have, I fear it is only false hope. the end result will be the same. The longer it goes on the more pain there is.

You desrve more, and there is more out there for you. Someone who can give you thier entire heart. someone who will respect & understand your feelings. Someone who will love you & adore you & cherish you. You deserve more, but i don't believe he's the one who will give you more.

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