Meeting for the first time; part 2

[crazyredhead]

The drama continues...and this is just well...ugh.

 

Last night while talking to my guy (on the comp) I had to ask something about our upcoming meeting - which is scheduled for May 17th.

There was a bit of a pause...and then he came at me from left field, saying he had cold feet about this.

He tried back peddling saying the doubts were short lived. His concern was what if we didn't 'click' in real life the way we did on the computer and phone?

 

Now granted, everyone I am sure in a situation similar to this has the same doubts, I know I did, and told him so when the idea of meeting first came up.

 

I told him I didn't want to have this conversation on the computer, we took it to the phone.

We talked, and the conversation was awkward, for the first time in ages, it seemed like we were tripping over words.

 

So as it stands, we're supposed to book the tickets today...and now, he's brought up the doubts that I mentioned waaaay back at the beginning and back then he was telling me not to worry.

 

So...do I postpone the trip, forge ahead or forget about it all together? There are feelings we both admit that, but I don't need to fly 2400 miles accross country to be with someone who thinks we may not 'click.'

[RayKay]

Well, the thing is even if you were both SURE you would click, does not mean you WOULD when you met. That is one of the risks of "building something online/long distance" and taking a while to meet. Of course given the distance I can see why you did not meet within a week or so, but it would of been better if you met a couple months in when expectations were lower and when you could of decided then whether to continue or not.

 

If you both still want to meet, go for it. I really don't think you should hold HIS doubts against him, when he did not hold YOURS against you when you had them, right?

[crazyredhead]

I really don't think you should hold HIS doubts against him, when he did not hold YOURS against you when you had them, right?

 

Thank you for that.

 

That is something I didn't even look at. You're right.

 

I guess, the whole thing threw me. He chased me, he did all the lovely 'romantic' things, even told me he was falling for me quite early in the relationship...so when he said that last night, I was thrown.

 

I DO want to meet him and see how this thing unfolds, I guess I need to talk to him and just clear everything up, once and for all.

[shes2smart]

Not to be a wet blanket, here...but you are 2400 miles apart. I think the more serious concern should be what should happen if you DO click in person.

 

If you go, and you don't click, then you can chalk it up to experience maybe squeeze a nice vacation out of it and go on with your life once you get back home.

 

If you go and you DO click, you are now involved with someone who lives accross the country. While LDR's work for some people, I think the number of people who find it a satisfactory condition long term is very small. In a romantic relationship, most people eventually want the physical presense of their loved one on a more-or-less daily basis eventually. You cannot do that easily if you're thousands of miles apart. Would either of you be open to the idea of moving if things go well? If you're both fairly entrenched in your respective locations and neither of you wants to uproot, you're likely looking at a no-win situation in the long run.

 

It's my opinion that when you're seriously lookin' for a partner, you need to keep your focus on people who are geographically desirable. I met my husband online. He lived 2 hours' drive from me, and I thought that might be a little too far to consider him serious relationship material. He moved to be where I was within 3 months of our first date.

 

Anyway, I'm not gonna make any suggestion on whether to go or not...just pointing out that you may be getting concerned about the wrong thing here.

[CMR87]

Talk to him about it. Ask him what it is about it that he has cold feet about. I mean why he thinks you might not click.

 

I can tell you first hand that this is just a normal feeling when you meet for the first time. Online you are so good together, and you spend hours on the phone with each other, but then when it comes time to actually meet, it's like oh no, what if we don't work out? You don't want to lose what you have now in exchange for a chance to make more out of what you have.

 

Trust me when I say, that was me. I was in that same position before I went through with it. I think that if it's meant to be, then all will work out, and if not, then it was never meant to be. BUT you both have to keep in mind that the attraction may fade if you don't act on it. Besides, I think it's the kind of thing you just know. You know if it's meant to be...its just a feeling you have.

[crazyredhead]

She2smart...believe me I have thought of your point, more than once! It's something I need to talk to him about too. I feel I am safe in saying that it's crossed his mind, and part of me wonders if this isn't part of the cold feet excuse. Our distance is huge, no denying.

Yes, for the record, I'd move. I've got no qualms in that...he even said he'd move once..I don't think there would be much of a concern save for immigration laws!!

 

 

CMR....believe it or not - and it might be a silly thing, but before I read your post, I actually wrote down questions and things that need to be talked about!

I won't obviously read them, but sometimes having a visual reminder is good!

 

Gah...this is all so confusing! (and truth be told really scary - I'm scared of heartbreak - yet again....)