Does he like me or not?

[shdw1973]

Hey everyone,

 

This guy and I have been hanging out. I am getting mixed signals from him. He is a shy guy, intellectual, staight laced, and a gentleman. When we do stuff he pays, opens my door and drives. We talk a lot, but I do most of the calling and emailing. If he doesn't answer, he will always return my call the same day or next if I called late. We have tons of fun together. We have gone to a basketball game together, outdoor movie, theater, museum and have taken a walk or two. But sometimes he tells me about a hot woman on TV. He has not made a move either. No hand holding or kiss. What gives??? He is scared to make a move or does he think we are just friends? I like him a lot and I am scared to come out and ask. OH yah, his parents know about me. We had a fight and did not talk for two months and he told me after we worked out the fight that his mom knows we are talking again....HMMM I had no idea they knew who I was. Tonight I dropped off dinner to him and he was on the phone with his dad and he told his dad he had to go because I had just arrived. I don't get it. Is he just moving really slow?

 

UGH!!! Help me!!! I just want he to make a move so bad!!

 

Thanks,

Kim

[Alabama]

It sounds that he is just shy...if his parents already know about you and he is very kind around you, then I would say he's interested; but you'll have to make the first move, it seems; good luck.

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone. the most worrisome thing for me here is that he isn't trying to hold your hand or kiss you. I take it you two have been dating for at least a few weeks, so what gives? the theater sounds like it would have been a good time for him to put his arm around you or the like.

 

I've been in your situation before, and pretty much, the guy was only interested in being a friend, not more. which is fine. I don't know, I'm skeptical that he is so shy, but you can always try to make a move on him. see if he flinches when you try to hold his hand or kiss him goodnight.

[Weeblie]

Sounds like he likes you. I don't think a guy would spend that much time with you if he wasn't interested.

 

Maybe the next time you say bye to him, you could kiss him on the cheek. Or if you're walking with him you could say, "oh let's go look at this". Then grab his hand, show him something random and "forget" to let go. See how he reacts to that.

[Batya33]

My guess is that he enjoys spending time with you particularly since you make most of the plans and the calls -he doesn't have to lift a finger - but he is not so taken with you (yet) that he wants to make a move. You can make the first move - it would be consistent with your role thus far - as long as you are comfortable with continuing that role for the future.

[lovesickkk]

Sounds like he likes you. I don't think a guy would spend that much time with you if he wasn't interested.

 

Maybe the next time you say bye to him, you could kiss him on the cheek. Or if you're walking with him you could say, "oh let's go look at this". Then grab his hand, show him something random and "forget" to let go. See how he reacts to that.

 

smooth........niceeee

[shdw1973]

My guess is that he enjoys spending time with you particularly since you make most of the plans and the calls -he doesn't have to lift a finger - but he is not so taken with you (yet) that he wants to make a move. You can make the first move - it would be consistent with your role thus far - as long as you are comfortable with continuing that role for the future.

I agree with you somewhat. Just one thing though. He made first contact with me, asked me out to dinner first (during a phone call I made) and now it is a mutual decision to do stuff. I will ask him if he wants to do something or we will be talk and we will both say that we have a day open. Then we come up with ideas. He is not from the area or even the state. He moved here and doesn't know much of the area, so I am the one with more knowledge of what the area has to offer. Does this make a difference???

[shdw1973]

smooth........niceeee

from a guys point of view (lovesickk), you think it is a good approach?

[shdw1973]

It sounds that he is just shy...if his parents already know about you and he is very kind around you, then I would say he's interested; but you'll have to make the first move, it seems; good luck.

Yes, he is very shy and he told me the only reason he came over to meet me, was because his friends came over to the table. From what I can tell, he does not seem to have a lot of dating experience. He kind of reminds me of the "40 Year Old Virgin". I think he has only been in two short term relationships and that is it. I believe they both happened after college.

[Batya33]

I agree with you somewhat. Just one thing though. He made first contact with me, asked me out to dinner first (during a phone call I made) and now it is a mutual decision to do stuff. I will ask him if he wants to do something or we will be talk and we will both say that we have a day open. Then we come up with ideas. He is not from the area or even the state. He moved here and doesn't know much of the area, so I am the one with more knowledge of what the area has to offer. Does this make a difference???

 

I have dated many men who were not from my city and when they wanted to see me they did the research or asked me for suggestions after asking me out. often I've had male friends call me for suggestions on where to take a woman on a date. It doesn't sound mutual to me - it sounds like you ask him out - that if you didn't bring it up he might not or it might be a far longer time between outings. You mutually decide what to do but you do the asking. That does make a difference in the dynamic. Wait and see if he wants to see you badly enough that he will step up to the plate.

 

And, by the way, the men who figured out activities for us to do - was pre-internet. With the internet there's really no excuse. Or let him ask around.

[lovesickkk]

from a guys point of view (lovesickk), you think it is a good approach?

 

 

absolutely, especially if he is as shy as you say he is.

[annie24]

I hate to be a "negative nancy", but I would let him do some of the pursuing. I don't know, maybe he is interested, but is lazy. Or maybe he is just going out with you because he likes you, but not necessarily a lot, but no one "else" is on the horizon. Just because a guy asks you out once doesn't mean he is in love. And it doesn't make him "shy" either. Obviously he got up the courage to ask you out, he can do it again.

 

I am all for equality, but if you are feeling like you are always making the effort and he never is, that's going to take a toll on you eventually. Will you always be the one making plans for a weekend getaway, making sure that you two have plans on your anniversary and special days, will you have to ask him to marry you? I would certainly give him some space so that he has an opportunity to ask you out also. I've noticed that when I've let a guy "relax" too much, he loses interest. Just my experiences.

[shdw1973]

At the beginning it seems most all me. I do most of the phone calls, but he asked me to go to see a comedian two weeks ago. So he is getting better because we had a talk about how it is all me. Since this talk he has definitely been trying and is more involved in making the decisions. He will ask what I want to do and I will tell him whatever and give some ideas but he has to choose. So he has definitely improved. I agree that he needs to take more control.

[ghost69]

definitely just shy. try maknig a move yourself. i wouldn't hang out with a girl that much if she was just ehh to me.