online dating & unflattering pics of you posted without permission..

[Lily04]

OK, i was just tagged in the most unflattering pic ever on facebook... REALLLLLY Bad, I can't even express how bad I look in this pic... from post-exam celebration (not st. pat's... I didn't expect to go out afterwards, it was something just announced after the exam). For everyone on my friend's list to see though. I mean, it was raining, my hair was sooooooo screwed up, I wasn't wearing makeup............really bad. I actually at first had enough sense to refuse having my pic taken up until that point but this girl insisted. And then of course she put it up on the internet.

 

ok, the guy I like wrote me at 6:51 pm, she tagged me in the picture at 6:52 pm.,.. i'm not sure he saw, he didn't reference that pic in particular, but I just had to say, as I'm not even sure he would be willing to meet me after seeing me in this picture. I mean, I am usually an 8 or 9/10 in pics (i say this because I was rated a 9/10 on link removed and I know i'm above-avg. in looks) but in this pic I would rate myself a 3/10... just HORRIBLE. soo... who knows if he even wants to meet now. sorry, i'm just so upset, especially because i'm a perfectionist when it comes to looks & my pictures... there's no point in taking pictures after exams when you have NO SLEEP, it's raining, your hair is a mess and you look absolutely awful in crappy clothes u just grabbed before leaving the house but there it is... publicly in view. I even look fat in it for some reason, i'm not sure... I just want to die. I think it should be the website's policy to ask permission of someone first to tag them in a picture before publicly posting, as I feel really upset about this..

[EvaGina]

ask them to take it down?

[Lily04]

I did take it down, but I was out for dinner when she tagged it, so I only took it down about 30 mins. after she posted it... but he (and others -- including my friends & co-workers) might have already seen it...

[Jayar]

LOL, well if he doesn't want to meet you, it was not meant to be... And if he does, he'll be MORE than pleasantly surprised, right? If you're a 9/10 girl, then my GAWD, act like it! Who care's what one silly pic looks like to some silly guy you haven't even met yet?! Best of luck!

[Leonhart]

I'm sure you look perfectly fine, Lily. Heck, I'd love to see the picture (not that you'll show me. lol) And a 9 is good. Very good.

 

But what was done is illegal, isn't it? I don't think people can do that, can they? I'd definitely insist they take them down.

 

Ignorant people.

[Lily04]

LOL, well if he doesn't want to meet you, it was not meant to be... And if he does, he'll be MORE than pleasantly surprised, right? If you're a 9/10 girl, then my GAWD, act like it! Who care's what one silly pic looks like to some silly guy you haven't even met yet?! Best of luck!

 

haha, thanks... well I am just really sensitive esp. because I hate my hair right now, and it just FRIZZES UP in the rain... like horrible. So I am actually getting a cut and hair extensions next weekend because I can't stand it and didn't even go out yesterday because I didn't want to go to a nice place (with $30 cover where i was invited) if I didn't feel confident about how i looked the whole time.......so anyway... I am really self-conscious about my haircut at this point I suppose. until I get extensions... maybe you're right, but as I haven't met this guy yet... I feel hesitant about the way he views me I guess.

[EvaGina]

I did take it down, but I was out for dinner when she tagged it, so I only took it down about 30 mins. after she posted it... but he (and others -- including my friends & co-workers) might have already seen it...

 

and...?

seriously, you have to let go of the vanity. One day you will wrinkle.

YES its embarrassing, but holding yourself to unreasonable standards isnt doing you any good.

 

There is nothing you can do about it, so the best thing is to just relax and forget about it, if anyone says anything, just laugh it off.

 

(this is going to sound REALLY harsh, but its not meant to insult you. Imo, a guy is unlikely to be put off by a bad photo, but quite likely to be put off by someone who acts like a princess over un-important things.)

[Batya33]

This wouldn't happen on an on line dating site. You take the risk when you post a profile on Facebook or Myspace that this can happen. You get a lot of benefits from being on there, yes? Do the benefits outweigh the risk? That is for you to decide. Yes, I would hate if that happened to me and that is one of many reasons I don't participate in myspace/facebook.

[jengh]

When someone tags a photo of you on facebook, you can remove the tag and people viewing photos of you won't see it.

 

I wouldn't worry about it too much... Like the others said, let go of the vanity. I'm sure other the people looking at the photos aren't thinking "my god, her butt looks HUGE in that picture" or whatever the circumstance.

[Superfreak]

and...?

seriously, you have to let go of the vanity. One day you will wrinkle.

YES its embarrassing, but holding yourself to unreasonable standards isnt doing you any good.

 

There is nothing you can do about it, so the best thing is to just relax and forget about it, if anyone says anything, just laugh it off.

 

(this is going to sound REALLY harsh, but its not meant to insult you. Imo, a guy is unlikely to be put off by a bad photo, but quite likely to be put off by someone who acts like a princess over un-important things.)

 

Agreed completely. No matter how bad the photo may have looked, the kind of vanity you were displaying in your post probably made you look even worse.

 

As for the photo, everyone has a bad photo and normal people realize that nobody can look good from every angle at every time of day. Maybe if this is the first pic of you he's ever seen then if it was ugly he might be hesitant, but if you followed it up with showing him a pic where you look like your normal self than I have a hard time seeing how anyone but the most shallow guy in the world would have a problem.

[Lily04]

Agreed completely. No matter how bad the photo may have looked, the kind of vanity you were displaying in your post probably made you look even worse.

 

As for the photo, everyone has a bad photo and normal people realize that nobody can look good from every angle at every time of day. Maybe if this is the first pic of you he's ever seen then if it was ugly he might be hesitant, but if you followed it up with showing him a pic where you look like your normal self than I have a hard time seeing how anyone but the most shallow guy in the world would have a problem.

 

hey, thanks so much, this really put the issue in perspective... I was just so horrified by it, but it's likely not as bad as I think... oh well... we'll see. =) thanks.

[Dating Coach]

Post the pic. I'll tell you if it's flattering or not.

[EvaGina]

^^ Agreed, but it does kinda irk me too. I mean, I cant see the point in continuing the whole vain/shallow girl thing, it perpetuates the "girls are useless" view that so many men have (only 2 or 3 on this site tho, thankfully).

 

Having pride in your appearance is one thing, basing your whole life around your exterior is tear-jerkingly pitiable.

[Daddy Bear]

When you say "I want to die" over something like this, you really need to put things in proper perspective.

 

Hasn't this guy seen other, better pictures of you?

[Leonhart]

When you say "I want to die" over something like this, you really need to put things in proper perspective.

 

Hasn't this guy seen other, better pictures of you?

 

It may have been an hyperbole. Geez.

 

There's nothing wrong with taking pride and concern with one's appearance.

 

Cripe, you'd think most of you guys never get out of the house and spend 24/7 on the net, the way you chastise someone for expressing a legitimate concern.

 

Plus, I think she mentioned how she has some sort of perfectionist problem, so that probably has a lot to do with her outlook too.

 

It's one thing to be wise, sensible and level-headed, it's another thing to look down on others because they actually care what they look like. That is a form of superiority and arrogance right there. Maybe in cyberspace no one cares what you look like, but in the real world, it doesn't work like that.

 

BTW, I'm not further perpetuating this argument. I'm done after this post, so feel free to respond all you like to what I have said here. I will not be reading it, nor will I be replying.

 

Good day.

[Daddy Bear]

Of course I know you didn't mean it literally, Lily. My point that our pusillanimous friend failed to pick up on before he ran away was that you have other pics to show that guy you like, so all is not lost even if he did see the bad one. That's what I meant by proper perspective.

[volkim]

I wouldnt worry about it. Just mention it to him if you're that worried and make a joke of it. Assuming you can laugh at yourself. Not being rude or anything but your first post did come accross as a little up tight. Deep breath and know that no one is perfect and be happy you're generally a 9 thats model material isnt it?

 

I am not playing your problem down at all as this site is for everyone no matter how small the issue but for your own sake remember there are worse things in the world than a bad hair day and a photo to prove it.

 

I wish you happiness