Which one are you supposed to marry?

[QuestionHeart]

Which one are you sposed to marry? :

 

The one that adores you, loves you, is a great wonderful, stable person and great provider?

 

OR

 

The one that you have the deep connection with, had a similar upbringing, feel comfortable with, he's flawed but you love him anyway?

[EvaGina]

If you cant decide, then neither.

[agent1607307371]

Considering that you didn't say anything about the way you feel for guy on, my suggestion would be "definitely not him".

 

But I second Eva

[applepie]

I'd go with #2. It sounds like you only want them because they love you, but there's no real connection.

[Leonhart]

A combination of A and B.

[musicguy]

You marry the one who you think is right for you. That person should accept you for you and your flaws, one who can provide for you and be somewhat emotionally stable, one who can compromise with you, cares for you, loves you, respects you, doesn't hurt you physically and one who can talk to about things.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Never marry anyone based on what you perceive as 'potential' or because you think you would be happy IF they changed somehow.

 

so for Guy #1, you assume he will always be stable and a good provider. How will you feel if he gets sick and can't work, or gets ill and you have to provide for him, or you decide he is too boring and you feel stifled? All those reasons you married him might evaporate due to life's twists and turns, and you no longer have that, PLUS you don't really love him and never have.

 

and for Guy #2, you say he is 'flawed but you love him anyway.' How flawed? Drug abuse, infidelity, irresponsbility, abuse, bad temper? those flaws will likely stick around for life, and love can get stretched very thin after years of coping with a person with huge problems. So love could die, and you're stuck with someone with big problems, and no love left.

 

So there are reasons not to marry either one. i would say find someone who has all the good qualities of no. 1, but also someone you love as much as #2. that person is probably a keeper, because he will have good qualities to make a good husband, plus you will love him enough to stick around if some of life's normal problems occur now and then, which they always do.

[RayKay]

The one you are willing to learn to love unconditionally; and they you.

 

NO one is perfect. Love is not perfect. Life is not perfect. You marry the one you WANT to marry, and whom you can genuinely commit to through thick and thin, whom you can work together with, whom is committed to YOU, whom shares similar values, goals and loves and accepts you for the real you; as you do them.

 

All I can say is really if you are trying to "decide" whom you should....you have not found the one whom you should.

[justpaisley]

Neither. You marry someone who you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you want to marry for all the right reasons. Never, ever marry someone you hope to morph into someone else.

[QuestionHeart]

Well #2 is depressed at the moment, jobless, lives with parents, and lacking in ambition and goals. He also smokes. Im not a smoker. He also has this weird thing about really liking girls who smoke--in the way one might like a girl with big breasts.

[laboheme]

I'd say neither. No matter how wonderful and doting guy #1 is, you won't have a happy marriage without feeling that special connection. As far as guy #2, having no goals and ambitions is a big red flag which potentially means that he can't address his umemployment and housing issues. Definitely won't make for a good husband.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

Neither one.

[chickidee23]

Shut off your mind and follow your heart. But I agree with some advice before mine- if you can't decide and are conflicted, it's obviously not the time to marry either. Don't ignore the red flags, they are the early signs that can stop you from making a huge mistake.

[ghost69]

it's both. must have both. not 2 different people.