I have no idea...

[thescrubby1]

Since the last time I posted, the ex and I have been talking back and forth just as friends... She lives in Hawaii and I in Utah... Anyway, now she is stressed out and wants to start fresh, her life, not necessarily our relationship, and asked me if she could come to Utah and stay with me for a few months so she can clear her head and what not... Now I still want to be in a relationship with her ... She says she wants to come out here just as friends, nothing more, but she wouldn't totally cross out the idea of us getting back together if things clicked... It has been hard enough knowing that I can't be with her while she was in Hawaii and if I am able to see her on the daily, I don't know how I will take it... Should I tell her to come out or no??? Thanks for any advice...

[BetterKarma]

Hi scrubby1,

 

I just read some of your previous post. Is your ex still in a relationship?

 

She sounds confused and doesn't know what she wants. And also, why did you ask for a divorce back in '05 and what has changed for you to want her back so badly now?

[catren]

Well, if you let her stay with you, you need to be prepared to have all the old feelings come flooding back and possibly be hurt all over again. Seems like a big chance to take.

[thescrubby1]

Karma,

 

She has been single since the first of the year... That is about the time we started talking again... But from what she tells me, it is him that broke up with her and he doesn't want to be back with her, but she still wants to be with him... I agree thought, she is very confused and has no idea what she wants...

 

I know it makes no sense now, but at the time it did because I wanted it to.... Anywho, I never wanted to be apart from her, she stayed in Hawaii while I came home... While I was here, I met a cute chick and wanted to sleep with her, no relationship just booty... At the same time I didn't want to cheat on my wife because I loved her... So I my weak mind I justified a divorce so I could basically cheat with out actually cheating... Then after I got that out of my system I would ask her back and expect her to just say ok... At the time though I just told her that I wanted a divorce so I could get settled in Utah as I was just getting out of the military, then I'd come for her... Long story short... She moved on, I haven't yet...

[BetterKarma]

Okay, so she just got dumped by another guy. That must be a huge blow to her emotionally. I can see why she would want a break from her current life.

 

However, seeing how she is just out of a relationship and still wants the other guy back, do you feel it would be wise for her to come to Utah to visit you? Sounds like after the break up she is looking for comfort from a guy that will give her the attention and emotional care and that guy would be you. Its human nature to look for comfort and she sounds like she's been through a lot in about 2 years.

 

I guess my advice is to be careful because you might end up being her rebound guy from this past relationship or maybe he was the rebound guy from your divorce? Either way sounds like she wants to come to Utah to take her mind off of the other guy so you might end up having to console her about that if she does make this trip. If you're ready for it and willing to be that person, then I say go for it. Seems like there is a better chance for you to get back together face to face rather than thousands of miles apart.

[thescrubby1]

I've always felt the the other guy was a total rebound... When we'd talk while they were together, I just got that feeling... I do see exactly what you are saying about me now being the rebound...

 

And that last part about better chances is why I am here... I feel the same way, and I even told her that if she does come down, I can't promise that I won't show feeling of more than just a friend because we will be face to face...

 

Thanks KARMA....