Abuse...recovering

[hazeleyed]

Hi All,

 

I am sort of feeling lonely...not sure how to really tell you all what I feel. As you all already know I am going through some mishaps in my life but I am pulling through fine. I am really hurt somewhere inside me and I am not sure how to get up. I cant keep asking people who really dont care for support in life because then it will just feel like a burden on them. Iknow this from the past....I dont want to see a counsellor....not right now! I am tired of explainin this stuff to people and I am tired ...so tired of the bs.

 

On the other hand I finally stopped drinking this week. It was such a good feeling to be able to go to a pub and just dance. However, my friend drinks so much and i hated waiting in line for her....its so annoying when all I wanted to do was dance. PErhaps Iknow why I started drinking so much in the first place....then she wanted to smoke, i was a lil irritated! Its not her fault...its just I guess I have woken up from what it was like before and I have realized there are things I just dont like and appreciate. I hate how I have to leave the dance floor just for a drink or smoke....its soooo annoying.

 

Then I went to a club on Thursday and had NO drinks and was dancing but this person I went with didnt want to dance....lol it was so funny you know cuz I felt like kicking his buttt, but I refrained. I vowed to myself that these are not the people I Want to go with anymore because al they do is drink or smoke or not dance. I understood that I need to surround myself with people who limit there drinking and do not need alochol in there system in order to dance and enjoy themselves...for me the music is high enough to get me dancing...cuz its my passion.

 

I have final papers coming up plus final exams...I really want to do well and get on with my life. I feel as if something inside me has died and I am mournin over it. Perhaps I am...I cry at the weirdest times or get angry and sad over stupid things. My friends told me to grow some balls.....but this is so hard u know....i do want to be hardcore and be out there and be something...but i need to heal...i need to be able to take this step by step. Nobody was born a lawyer...nobody will ever be born as someone who can handle the world all alone....I am getting there...lifes taught me a lot, I know its not patient with me nor will it wait for me. However, with god by my side I hope to surpass this hurdle in my life.

[robowarrior]

Why don't you goto a dancing school? Heck if you like dancing so much why not make your hobby of it? But ya you know in clubs, they smoke,drink and you don't have to do along with those kind of things, you should just stick to the dancefloor as much as possible, and just take those other things as a nuisiance. Anyway if you feel lonely then you need to step towards the people. But you need to be like a castle gate, closing yourself to bad people/things/events and opening yourself up to good people/things/events.