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He's back in my life and I can't handle it


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This thread is more for me to get everything out than to ask for advice.

 

I've been with my boyfriend for over two years now. I love him more than anything, we've been through a lot with each other. He's loving, supportive, understanding, and accepts me for the person I am, he doesn't want me to change anything about myself. We have our arguments, but for the most part, it's the most perfect relationship out there. We are "that couple", that relationship that our friends wish they had.

 

Which is why I don't understand what's wrong with me.

 

Recently my ex and I have come into contact through a group that was started out of a tradgedy that happened in our circle of friends over three years ago. It's been four and 1/2 years since my ex and I dated, but it was a long relationship. The organization we are in is something we both care a great deal about, and neither one of us is willing to stop participating in it just to avoid the other one.

 

The problem is, my ex and I didn't have a bad break up. We remained friends for a while after our break up and just got out of touch. Now that he's in my life again I'm wondering about my current relationship. Whether it's what I want or not. I don't understand these doubts. The only solution I can think of is to stop everything that is causing me to see my ex. But even if I do that, is that really fair to my current boyfriend? If I have doubts about us is it fair to act like everything is really okay. I still love him, I feel so guilty for feeling this way because I do love him. I'm just at a loss.

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I go through the same exact thing! But not about an ex, it's more about a friend that I almost got together with. I always wonder wether I made the right choice or not, especially when my bf pisses me off. It comes in phases for me, it's weird.

 

I shared my feelings about the other guy with my bf awhile ago and he told me that I could go off and pursue other things but he might not take me back if I decide that he's really what I wanted. That made me realize how great he really is and I don't think I could live without him there, at least not now. You just have to realize how great your bf is, and try imagining what it would be like without him, like when he kisses you, try imagining, like really imagining, him not being there, imagine him not being there ever again.

 

Could you do it? I know that I couldn't.

 

Good luck!

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If my math serves me correctly your relationship when you were 14 1/2 years old is now causing you to question your present 2 year relationship at 19 years of age?

 

The fact that an old flame has stumbled back in to your life because of a common interest is not so rare of an occurrence. Maybe it's good that you are doing some soul searching over this. An old spark may still be there but don't let that take away from what you have right now. Often in relationships we question our feelings. Ask yourself this question: How would you feel if your BF dumped you right now? Your answer will tell you where your heart is. If you love your BF, you should have no problem putting your feelings in to perspective and remain involved with your group.

 

RC

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I don't think I could

 

But as you said it's phases. It's like, my current boyfriend is the most serious relationship I've been in, he's the guy I lost my virgintiy to. It's the longest relationship I've been in. My boyfriend has dated more than I have. He's has sex with multiple other girls. So I guess I see my ex and wonder if I'm missing out on something by planning my life around this one guy.

 

I dunno if that makes sense or not, but that's how I see it.

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Relationship Coach,

 

It's not that there is an old flame for my ex. It's just that I've been wondering whether or not I'm missing out on something, when my boyfriend has had so much more relationship experience than me.

 

Sometimes I'm completely happy just being with my boyfriend. Then other times I wonder what it would be like if I did try to have another relationship.

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Where there is experience, there is heart ache. Look at it this way, with all of your BF's experience he is with you which means his experiences were not that great and now he is happy with you. You may not be missing out on anything good. Do you want to risk what you have to find out if there is anything worth missing? If you are in love with him, then you should be content in where you are. I'm not feeling that.

 

RC

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That is scary how accurate you are at describing my exact feelings. My bf is my first bf and I'm still a virgin, but he isn't. He's had a bunch of gfs and has had sex with a couple of girls. I feel the same way you do, I'm scared that I'm missing out, that's the root of everything. So for this I can't give you any advice cus I don't know what to do either. And I understand that you are having these feelings now because you don't know if you should keep the relationship up cus it might hurt more later. But you don't want to leave because you've already invested a lot of time and effort into this guy.

 

Lol, we're even the same age!

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RoboWarrior,

 

I never said I had been unfaithful. I would never cheat on my boyfriend. If you find any other posts of mine they can prove that. I hate cheating, and people who cheat. I do care for him, I wouldn't just dump him just to be with another person either. Please don't get that impression, I am not that kind of girl.

 

I guess it's a mixture of hanging out with my ex again, and the fact that my boyfriend got his tentitive date to go to Iraq. I feel like, well eventually I'm not going to see him for a year and a half anyway. What am I going to do?

 

Nadine,

 

I'm glad there is someone else out there who is going through something similar to me. I don't feel like a total idiot now. haha.

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Whoa! A year and a half? I could never do that! But I guess if you have to, you manage. A girl I worked with had a bf in Iraq for a long time! She barely ever got to see him, but she wasn't exactly faithful. I think that, with all these thoughts you're having, and him going away for a long time, you should talk to him about it. Ask him what he's thinking about the long wait. I really hope this works out for you.

 

Good luck!

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My girlfriend had the same exact thing. She also had a long relationship before me and even though we started dating a year after she broke up, it still seemed like a rebound relationship.

 

She always talked to her ex and often had mixed feelings for if I was the right one or not. She was simply afraid to commit and all.

 

It resulted in a hell of a relationship when she could've just saved everyone a lot of trouble and been happy with what she had since I never gave her heart ache.

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