pufferfish Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 I've been dating a really wonderful guy for about 3 months. He is a total gentleman, very sweet and considerate, and I'm close to saying I love him. When he was growing up, his father abused him mentally and sometimes physically. It was some bad stuff. His dad would lock him in an empty attic for months at a time, with no bed or toys, making him pee in a bucket and sleep on the floor. If my BF did anything bad, like try to run away (which he did when he was little) then his dad would physically hurt him. His parents divorced early on, but I think his dad was somewhat abusive to his mom as well. That might be why she left. Anyway. Like I said, my boyfriend has been a sweetheart so far, totally laid-back...I've never seen him get very angry. However, he recently confessed that he seriously loses his temper sometimes- not often, maybe once a year- and becomes very violent at that time. I should've asked if he meant violent towards people, or just throwing/kicking things, but I didn't. He also said that he's terrified of turning out like his father, in terms of abusing children. The abuse runs in his family- his dad was abused by his father, his grandfather was abused by HIS father, and his great-great grandfather was abused as well! And before my boyfriend was born, his dad told his wife he was scared of becoming abusive, and was going to do everything in his power not to...but clearly that didn't work. I am very scared there might be another side to my boyfriend that I haven't yet seen. Especially about losing his temper. We haven't had any fights so far, though he did start getting mad at me a few times (such as when he tried teaching me to drive a stick shift, and I was awful at it- he got quite frustrated) but it seemed like he could calm himself down without a problem. He has also struggled a lot with depression, and was suicidal when he was younger, but has overcome both those things. He cut off contact with his father and did a lot of healing after that. Lastly, I'm his first real girlfriend, so neither he nor I knows how he does in a long-term relationship. I know very little about abuse, so I'm wondering if anyone else has thoughts on this. Does it sound like he could be abusive in the future? Or should I give him more credit, because he's very determined to NOT end up like his father? Thanks. Link to comment
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