GQstatus Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 So it's been a month and a few days since my break up. Went 3 weeks with NC from each end. Then she called a week in a half ago at 5 am. A very cold, emotionless conversation that only lasted about 5 minutes. I found out what I had already suspected, she was on drugs, and not caring about her life. No phone calls since that, just petty messages on myspace (her writing me), questioning a female friend on there, and accusing me of "moving on so easily". I was getting ready to go out tonight, the phone rang and she was the last person I suspected to hear from. Instead of typing it out, I figure I'll try to reenact the conversation the best I can remember it. Me: Hello? Her: Hey.... Me: Who's this? (I didnt recognize her voice) Her: It's XXXXX! Me: Oh, what's up? Her: Nothing...could you call me back I'm on my cousins phone and really need to talk to you Instead of playing 20 questions, I agreed. Me: Yeah, what's up? Her: Did my mom call you lastnight? Me: No, why would your mom call me... Her: I OD'd lastnight, and I thought she had Me: Nope, if she did I wasn't around.. Her: Oh, sorry I thought she had, I just wanted to call and let you know I was ok At this point I couldn't tell if she really THOUGHT her mom had called me, or she just really needed to hear from me because of what happened.. Me: Well, are you alright? Her: Yeah, they pumped my stomache, my mom wouldn't take me to ER because she said "I would be fine" but I passed out and my cousin took me in, they told me if I would of waited a half an hour I would of been dead.. Me: Ya know, I've told you this a thousand times and you might not want to hear it again, but have you considered getting into therapy? Her: Yeah, now that this happened, I have to...the hospital called the cops, and I"m ordered to Me: Why are you even messing around with this stuff again XXXX? Her: You seem to forget what month it is XXX (Her grandfather, who was the only male figure in her life, passed away this time last year) Me: No actually, I didn't. I was with you every second last year this time, and went through it with you, I know what time of the year it is Her: Between that, living with my mom, and everything that has happened between you and I, I just can't take it anymore Me: What is so bad in your life you couldn't bare to live anymore? Her: Everything XXX. All the drama between you and I.. Me: Drama between you and I? I have no beef with you XXXX, I've left things alone and have wished you nothing but the best Her: Yeah, left things alone, you already have a new girl, she doesn't know you like I do XXX Me: (laughing) She has nothing to do with this, and you know that, quit over analyzing things...me and you are not together Her: I know we're not together XXX, but I can't just turn me feelings off like that, I still love you a lot, and you seem to not even care Me: Why because I was done putting up with BS? We've been down this road before XXXX, I tried my hardest to make things between us work Me: All of THIS isn't a reason to throw your life away XXXX, if you needed to talk that bad you could of called Her: I have tried calling, over and over again! You never answer! (Which I dont) Me: Well I'm not here then, I've been keeping busy and figuring things out for myself Then she goes on to ask how I've been, what I've been up to, asked about my friend who had a baby, how the baby was doing bla bla bla It finally got to the point I just asked her what was going on. What was so bad in her life she needed to drown herself in drugs. She started to talk, and got to the point she was going to cry, and I stopped and said "You wanna know what, you're not ready to talk, so let's not do this right now". She agreed, and said the doctors had told her she's "emotionally unstable" right now and shouldn't talk into depth about things until the drugs are out of her system. Which we both got a good laugh out of because I said "Emotionally unstable right now? You've been emotionally unstable since I've known you" she laughed and said "You know what I mean". I told her I had to get going, and she asked that I call her and give her my new cell number, that she wants to "talk" again. It was impossible to break NC, considering I JUST got my cell back on, and I don't have caller id on my landline. So now it's come down to, did she call because she had a pretty much near death experience and it puts things into perspective ie: made her realize she made a mistake letting me go. Or she's coming back because she needs that "comfort". As much as I want to snap on her now, like I've BEEN wanting to do. Now I really can't. I want to walk away, and at the same time I want to know she's okay. Funny thing is, the past 3 weeks I've been praying a LOT more than normally. I've been praying for all of my family, I've been praying for myself to stay strong, and I've been praying for her. I've been praying for her to realize what she's doing to herself, I've been praying she finds self worth, self love and happiness. And after hearing about all this, it makes me feel like my prayers were answered. Obviously in a scary way, but answered. I'm hoping this scare she had will be enough to help her help herself. I had asked her why now she was calling, after this had happened. She told me she has tried calling the past 2 weeks but never gets an answer. And also said something like "Because XXX I don't have anyone I really trust, and I trust you, you always know what to say". When we spoke I was upbeat, not because I was putting on a show, but because I've BEEN strong, I've been happy, and for the most part have my head in the right place. Before we hung up she told me she loved me, I paused and reciprocated. I'm not going to drag this out any more than I already have. Just wanting some thoughts from you guys here. Ideas, advice, opinions, whatever it may be. Link to comment
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