Jess... Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 Hey guys. I found this forum last night, by chance, and let me say that the support on here is phenomenal. Its comforting to know that I'm not the only one, and other people know EXACTLY how im feeling. I know breakups happen every day, but when it actually happens to you, its soo earth shattering, and it feels like you're the only one in the world going through it. Anyway, heres my story, and anyone with ANY advice, please! You are more than welcome to contribute! My bf of 14 months dumped me on christmas eve last year. (wasn't exactly the christmas present i was expecting and I have had NC for 2 months. We were the "perfect couple" in the beginning. I really believed I'd found my soulmate, and as stupid as it sounds, I really did believe that we were going to be together forever. We were very close, we told each other everything, had talked about the future, we knew we were going to get married. In fact just 2 weeks before he dumped me we went to his cousins wedding together, and he'd said to me "I hope thats us up there one day" and I'd said to him "it will be"... Everyone thought we were going to end up married. All my friends have said to me since "wow I can't believe you guys broke up, I thought u'd get married!" and its like...Thats not sumthen I want to be hearing... We fought a lot. I could see things were going downhill, but I didnt think the relationship would end...I guess I just thought we'd get through it....I thought if we loved each other like we said we did, like i thought we did, that nothing would ever tear us apart... I did the entire "begging him to take me back" thing, all the wrong stuff. And I only wish I'd come accross this forum back then, because I would have known the right thing to do, and maybe our situation would have turned out a little differently.. Anyway I havent txt, emailed, rang, anything since late jan. In January, I went on a holiday. was just what I needed after the worst christmas of my life (and I've had chicken pox on christmas day before!! lol) which was really good, it provided me with time to heal, away from work, out of town, away from him. And I did start to heal while I was away, but only during the second week. I cried every day for about 3 weeks. And about every 5 mins, no lie. My parents and sister were getting sick of me being so miserable all the time (I kept telling them "you think you're sick of me being like this???? How do you think I feel???) but eventually I started not crying as much, and trying to be happy, for the sake of my family, I didnt want to ruin everyone's holiday. I got a new cell ph with a new number. I didn't give him the new number, and the people I did give it to, I explained that I wasn't giving it to him, so could they please not either. I thought this way, I won't be constantly checking to see if he's txtd me, because if he doesn't have the number, he can't. Sounded like a good plan, and also by him not having my number, it kind of banned me from txting him, because if I did, he'd then have the number. Not long ago I found out he also got a new ph with a new number and didnt want me to have it. So the weeks went by and although it wasn't getting any easier, I was slowly starting to get used to the idea of not having him in my life. Initially, everything that happened to me, like when I had a bad day at work, or if I went shopping and bought heaps of cool new things, my first impulse was to pick up the ph and tell him. Then I'd realise I couldn't, and all the crushing memories would come back. Now, I am ok with that fact that hes not around. Well I'm not ok with it, but I don't feel the need to tell him things, I don't even feel the need to talk to him, much as I want to. I wouldn't know where to start.. Where you guys come in, is I want to talk to him again. But I don't know where to start.. and what complicates things is that apparently he hates me. In fact that was one of the last msgs he sent me. I didnt think he meant it though, he was really angry when he said it, because we'd just had a huge fight. So it's been almost 2 months since I've contacted him, I haven't even tried to since then, but I want us to be at least friends, or at least be able to act civilly to each other. I don't want him hating me, we used to be best friends!! I think if we just got talking maybe we could sort something out, considering theres a lot of time between us, and everything is in the past, and I know that I have changed, and I want him to see that. So please help me, I need a way to talk to him, but I don't want to look like I'm trying to get back together. I think the safest bet would be an email, but I don't think he would reply...I can't call his house because his parents aren't too fond of me anymore (i didn't even get the chance to explain to anyone, all they got was his side of the story, and his side is only what he wants them to know, its so unfair) Help!! On the outside (what I can see) he "hates" me...What do you make of that? P.S. Sorry its so long!! Link to comment
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