cold fish.

[mintblossom]

i am starting to not like my younger sister very much. and i am starting not to want good things to happen for her. (well i mean, i don't want bad things to happen for her, but not particularly good things either). i feel like if good things happen for her, she will just rub it in my face.

 

she's not very warm, friendly, or nice to me. i try for us to be sisters or sisterly, but she treats me like crap. i don't like the way she treats me. she'll ignore me or tell me to get out of her room or to not use it like her living room, and she has all these complaints about me, all these rules what i can and can't do around her, and it's all according to her whim. if she's in a decent mood, she is nice enough, but if she doesn't want to put up with you, she'll just ignore you, silent treatment, goes silent, scold....etc.

 

i mean......i wanted a real sister. someone nice, fun, warm. she can be just so cold. she never tells me anything. she never really has a conversation with me about anything deep. she says she has too many issues with me, BUT she won't tell me what they are. so it's not like i can do anything about it....it all makes me so uncomfortable.

 

growing up i went through a lot of problems....as the first born, i was bullied, had no friends, so awkward in high school. so i was ALWAYS struggling through issues at school and i never had anyone to talk to about them. she didn't go through what i had to - she didnt get bullied long-term, she made good friends, she blossomed, grew etc. i feel she looks down on me for it like "look at all this crap YOU did to YOURSELF." she doesn't care or understand that i wasn't in control of a lot of situations even though i wanted to be. i couldn't control how other people treated me or the circumstances around me.....and i couldn't control the depression that i started to feel.

 

anyways, i feel like i have no sister. at least not the warm, fuzzy kind i wanted. i said to her "some people don't even talk to their sisters" and she was like "we could get to that point." i was thinking.....that is such a mean thing to say. i don't want to take anymore of her crap.

 

usually i just put up with it, turn the other cheek, kind of live with it, listen to all her comments about how immature, stupid, irresponsible, or whatever about me. but im just SICK of it. im sick of her lectures about how awful i am. i think she's cold and arrogant and she doesn't understand emotions or feelings or pretends not to.

 

i don't think i like who she is anymore. she wasn't like this before. but she seems to have blossomed into a person i don't really know and don't really like. she doesn't treat her friends this way.

[robowarrior]

You need to be like a castle gate , close yourself to bad people/things/events and only open yourself up to good people/things/events, this counts regardless of wether someone is family of you or not.

 

You see your sister is just a stranger who happens to be related by blood to you.

 

You know you are a loving person, you have good intentions KEEP THEM, we need more people like you on this planet, what you shouldn't do is let the negativity of other people mold you into something that you do NOT want to be.

 

This -> is essensially your problem

 

You seek contact with people with who are just demons in disguise.

 

Not that you should call your sister a demon or anything, and you know turning the cheek although you are a bible fanatic isn't the right thing to do,(what is he going against jesus?) well not completely, what im just adding to it is that you shouldn't allow others to use you as a 'read' "doormat" , that you follow the ' be servants for everyone' doesn't mean you are a slave that should be commanded around like a dog to do everything others ask from you, you do 'in terms of good deeds' what you want to do, and stand up for yourself against those evildoers who enter your castle and push them out of your life!

 

Break up all contact with your sister, you don't need people in your life who are only out to break your heart, you need to protect your own feelings against those who ruin them.

 

And its something you do to yourself, why? You enter these people's lives with the idea ' im welcome here' well you are not, you are not welcome in your sisters life, nor in the lives of those who bullied you and tortured you.

 

Your sister wants peace and quiet, just give it back and lead your own life, dump those people with evil hearts, and search for real friends who REALLY only have good intentions with you.

[Batya33]

Not sure what you mean by "be sisters" or "sisterly" in the real world. Some sisters click, others never do, etc. My sister is 5 years older than me. Until I was 13 she would barely speak to me. Then we became very (very) close and basically, we still are. We bicker "like sisters" and love "like sisters" but I know plenty of sisters who don't - even twin sisters.

 

"Trying" to get closer to her is probably making it worse in a way - she probably sees it as annoying rather than well-intentioned.

 

Of course it's disappointing but to compare it to some hollywood movie standard is unrealistic I think. It's fine to maintain boundaries with her if you feel she isn't treating you with respect.

 

As far as her lecturing you, you don't have to listen to that - you can just walk away. You could consider whether, in getting defensive, you go too far in saying when you were the victim - and you don't make it clear what part was the result of your choices - or mistakes. Obviously depression is not your fault, but maybe if she saw you taking responsibility for some other aspects, that would help her understand.

 

I am NOT saying she is correct in the least -- perhaps you were entirely a victim in all that happened -- but it wouldn't hurt for you to evaluate that (even if you had before) and consider whether, for your healing there are choices you made that you were in control of - everyone makes mistakes of course! I see you wrote that "not all" of it was out of your control - maybe, for her sake, in those conversations be honest with her about what was in your control, and what you would do differently today.

 

My sister made some bad choices and I felt very resentful in the last few years as the results of those bad choices began to come out - when she finally was honest about her role in it it went a long way in my understanding and empathizing.

 

Good luck!