anya1607307555 Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 hello, I'd appreciate your thoughts on this matter, hopefully it'll be coherent, I'm not the greatest at explaining myself background - I've had anxiety/depression issues in the past, although not diagnosed with anything specific, much of it is socially related. it mainly became a problem after the birth of my child (12yrs old) however, looking back I've really had social problems ever since I can remember. don't get me wrong, I always had friends. as a small child I was regarded as the happy, mouthy, but stubborn one, however as I grew older my confidence decreased with each passing year, yet I hid it under the pretense that I chose not to participate. truth is I was scared. now I'm in a position where i have no friends, only colleagues/acquaintances/family. I've always been viewed as 'the one people came to for advice, but who never had problems.' over recent years, I've attempted to address my personal issues, with varying degrees of success. I've learned a lot about myself and try to put it into practice. the problem that is troubling me at present is, I always appear to see both sides of EVERYTHING. like if someone comments on a situation I will instantly put myself on the other side and feed that back to them, even though they aren't asking for advice. I strive to be open minded and in my job (children/young people) I find my attitude helps in certain situations, however, I do find it difficult as many of my colleagues don't share my outlook. I'm not so sure it's lack of self-confidence as I do hold a few strong personal values, which I stand by (although I'm finding they are changing recently) but for the most part, it's like I sit on the fence. in any dilemma I swing from considering one side and then the next and back again. it's exhausting and annoying and constant. I briefly saw a counsellor a few years ago and mentioned it then, all he said was I needed a network of friends. easier said than done! although since then I have got a job and do voluntary work every week, but I still have confidence issues and no social life outside of those, yet still put on a brave face. (I realise the last point is to do with not wanting to show vulnerability and weakness, and I'm addressing that too) my question is, is my main problem (the devils advocate thing) due to my low self esteem? if I know what I'm dealing with, I can address that too, or is it something else? I'm just confused a lot of the time and do my own head in! help! Link to comment
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