Boyfriend gets really upset with his ex... what to do?

[freeindeed]

Hi everyone.

 

Last night, I was with my bf at a place we all hang out. Sometime during the night, his ex showed up with some of her girlfriends and was social with all the people there, which is normal. I'm not threatened by her at all, so I didn't mind and we stuck around and I was having a great time. My boyfriend uttered a couple things under his breath about her, but I didn't think much of it. But at one point of the night, she started talking to a girl that was my boyfriends friend for many years (even before they dated), and he got sooo uncontrollably pissed off. He started pacing and saying that he wanted to confront her, and the cuss words were spitting out left and right. He told everyone that was around us about what an f-ing B she was and how she has no right to try to continue to invade his life like that. I pulled him away and said let's go... he was really going to confront her and make a scene. When we left he called her and cussed her out.

 

Honestly, I felt the whole thing was immature on my bf's part. She's a normal human, she's allowed to talk to whomever she wants. But I also understand that this was his first love, and it really does feel like sometimes she's just trying to invade his life....i.e. shows up places where he is, without reason to. The whole thing is a little weird to me because from what I've heard, she broke up with him (this is also what my bf says), so why is she still around? Personally, whenever I've broken up with a guy, I try to be considerate and not really "pop up" at places he's going to be....but that's just me.

 

The thing that's kinda bugging me is why he gets soooo upset about stuff like that. Is that a sign that he hasn't let go of that relationship?

[Dubb]

I always felt if you have really let go and moved on an ex's actions will not bother you in any way.

[Kalika]

The fact that he's so angry about it speaks volumes. He could have just made a crack about her stalking him or something.. I mean, why the calling her up and cussing her out?? It definitely sounds like he has some feelings remaining about the breakup.

[RayKay]

Hmm....I agree it does speak volumes if that was his reaction to her showing up at a place they both hang out, and talking to someone....so what if she was "his friend", they both can talk to whom they want! His friend included, and he does not control either of them.

 

I mean if it is a place she goes too as well, I do not think it is about her being inconsiderate....why can't HE not go there too if he knows she may be there?

 

 

Either he has not let go...or needs to control situations..I don't know, but it would concern me if he reacted that badly to someone just showing up at a public place with their own friends obviously to have a good time.

 

Generally when people moved on, they would shrug it off, maybe make a joke...but calling and cussing her out, swearing and going off....I would be careful of this guys temper too, for yourself.

[freeindeed]

Maybe I'm fooling myself, but I feel like he really does detest her. But part of me knows that if he was completely over it, what she did wouldn't matter to him at all. What my ex-boyfriend does, doesn't upset me at all, but i've been broken up with my ex way longer than he has. He's only been broken up for 4 months.

 

I really do feel like she's allowed to do anything she wants, talk to whomever she wants, say whatever she wants (her friends and her definitely have).... but in a way, I understand his frustration because it really does seem like she wants to aggravate him. The girl that she was talking to (the one that's been my bf's friend for a long time) had only spoken to her one other previous time, so it's not like they're buddies. Also, another time, there was an league event that's held out of town every year and when they were together, she NEVER went to it. All of a sudden, the first year that they're apart...she showed up. And she's not even in the league. It's stuff like that that makes wonder what she's trying to do. And that maybe my bf is justified in his actions?

[finewhine]

Nooooo... your boyfriend's actions aren't justified. His ex may be annoying as all getout, but, since she's his ex, it's his responsibility to move beyond her.

 

If they were together for a long time, their lives are intertwined in a way. He can either extract himself from the situation or deal with it better. Other means of dealing are unproductive and weird.

 

This has nothing to do with you, and there's very little you can do. I don't think it's a reflection on your relationship, but it is a reflection on your boyfriend's level of maturity. Try talking to him about it. Tell him it upsets you. See how he reacts.

[ghost69]

it looks like his ex was trying to get under his skin. why would his ex be hanging out in the same location at you anyways?