Past relationship

[tkrob]

I have been dating my boyfriend now for over five years. When I met him, he had been divorced for almost two years. His ex had cheated on him and had broken his heart. They were high school sweethearts...so it was hard on him.

 

It has taken alot of work for him but he has really worked hard to move on. I am so proud of him that he has made huge progress toward moving on.

 

My concern is that he still loves her. I know that he will always love her because she is the mother of his children...and I know that they had a good marriage and have tons of memories together (14 years worth of memories). I know that it isn't easy getting over someone that was in your life that long. She is married now. She has a whole other family with her new husband. So, there really isn't a threat of him and her getting back together...but sometimes, I have to fight the thought in the back of my mind that he still loves her.

 

I know that he loves me..we are even talking marriage...but, I guess it is my own insecurities.

 

Anyone have any advice???

[RayKay]

Well, to some point yes he may always love her...but that does not mean he does not love you, or want you.

 

My only advice really is to not dwell on the past that cannot be changed, to accept and love him, to accept and love yourself and know YOU are worthy of his love too!

 

Your own insecurities will slowly eat away at your relationship if you do not get a handle on them; they will affect your behaviour, actions and reactions....

 

Our future is not what we "hope", but what we BELIEVE it will be. As long as you believe you are not worth it, and that it will not work out...that will be what "dreams" come true...

 

Another suggestion is either you go to therapy, or you go to premarital counselling together?

[DN]

He probably does love her in some way. But that does not mean that he does not love you or that his love for you is somehow diminished or less intense. Human beings are capable of holding many emotions in their hearts simultaneously and it is a mistake to think that there is some sort of competition among them.

 

He loves you and is with you and will probably remain with you. All you are required to do is to love him back unconditionally. That includes not questioning his love.

[Wotgorilla]

How is their relationship now? Are they civil? Do they communicate? How does he refer to her when talking about it with you?

 

He might still love her, but not in that kind of way. He might still love her simply because, as you said, she is the mother of his children.

 

My only suggestion is to talk to him. If he truly loves you, and if you two have a great relationship where the "M word" is coming up, I'm sure he would understand how you feel. Communication is key, good luck!

[JoeWho]

I was with my ex for almost 10 years. We were not married but we started dating back in high school and she also cheated on me which ended the relationship.

 

I will always love her as she was my first love and we shared so much together over those years, but I will never be in love with her again.

 

I bet your guy is the same, you have nothing to worry about. She was his past and you are his future.

[tkrob]

Thank you all! You helped alot. I know that he loves me! I guess sometimes I just need someone to remind me!