I'm going back to her hometown

[warhuhwow]

I've posted similar topics to this before but never seem to get much response - maybe it's because it's quite an unusual situation.

 

I've been split up with my ex for nearly seven months, and permanently cut all contact two and a half months ago. I'm at the point where I no longer love her, want to be with her etc but god damn do I miss her sometimes.

 

I'm the type to work actively at moving on from things, and I'm kinda missing her hometown (we lived a couple of hours apart). I haven't been there properly for eight or nine months and it's a really nice place. So I've been having urges to go back there.

 

On Monday, my best friend and I have to go very close to her town for business reasons, and we've decided to go to her town for a couple of hours.

 

I don't want to see her again, I just want to go back to the town. I feel like maybe if I spend some time there reminiscing, then I can get a bit closer to completely closing the book. I don't know. It's hard to describe the feeling.

 

Anybody have any kind of thoughts or advice on this? I don't know myself what I'm looking for in response...

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey warhuh - I think I totally get what you're saying. You miss the familiarity or the habits.

 

I think its a good idea for you to go there.

 

Is she still there?

 

I say just be careful to avoid places you think she might be. Or being spotted. That might prompt a contact on her part. Tho I have a feeling you would deal ok with that actually.....

 

But sounds like a good idea to me.

 

I don't know if that's what you were looking or not, but I just wanted to say I can relate to what you're saying and how you're feeling.

 

Good luck! Let us know how it goes!

[Jetta]

How is going to the town, where you have memories, going to help you move on? Really you need to NC the entire situation.

 

Okay I'm facing this myself. I go to karaoke, which is a reminder to me and everyone who was there then about Trevor (the guy I fell for, and I know he had something for me to) but we never connected because I was married and stalled to long to leave. He moved on, I believe. I realized last night I haven't.

 

Now I'm thinking if going there has been healing or not. It's leading me to believe he hasn't really moved on, except been out of sight. And really in order to progress I have to let go and probably should let go of anything that is linked with that situation. But it's fun and I'm a sucker for fun. Oh yeah even my family says it's what led to my demise so look at the temptation I'm facing and failing.

 

What's your reason for going? I don't think it's what you say it is. I really think you should let it go entirely. It's easier to move on once you break away from the situation.

[Ferion]

Well, besides the town being a nice place...why do you wanna go there? What I'm thinking is that, it might boil up some old memories of your ex. It does sound like your ex is playing a factor in this.

 

Be careful! Just imagine running into your ex. How would that turn out? Breaking NC can be dangerous.

[JoeWho]

Taking back the places that remind you of her can be helpful to moving on, but be careful that you don't bump into her. That could be a nightmare.

[warhuhwow]

The best way I can equate it is to perhaps think of your old school, or a town you used to live in. It's recognisable and you want to go back and find places that are notable, like "that's where I used to take biology class", "that's where I first asked out someone", "that's where I crashed my car" etc.

 

I didn't mention that in two and a half months I am leaving the country, and so I am feeling desire to close the book on lots of things, especially this old relationship. Maybe in another circumstance I wouldn't have the desire to return.

 

I've done NC as much as I can; I don't want any contact with this girl. This trip is just for me. I would never do it alone either - I'll have a good friend with me to vent to hehe.

 

Chances of running into her are low. From the train station, it's one mile one way into town, and one mile the other way to where she lives. I'll be heading into town and I also remember she finishes work later on a Monday so I know when she'll be at the station and can avoid her.

 

I wonder if anyone has ever done this before? Like maybe had a business trip to somewhere equivalent or passed through it sometime after a relationship has ended?

[warhuhwow]

UPDATE

 

So today I went back to her hometown. And I have to admit, I was overwhelmed. I couldn't really take it. I felt like I was trespassing and that any moment someone I knew could've turned up.

 

It was odd being there with my friend, because I got to know in the months after my ex and I split up so it was kind of like mixing two separate phases of my life.

 

I went to some places that meant something to me. I don't know how to describe it.

 

Right now I'm very upset and teary and aware of how much I miss her. I just feel like shouting "I MISS HER I MISS HER I MISS HER" over and over again. But at the same time I know that those days are gone forever - and I think that's what I finally grasped today. It was like a switch flicked in my head. So give me a few days and I'll probably be fine and going back will be thought of as having been a good idea.