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Hi All,


I just thought I would put my experience into words as I think it will help me.


I have just come through a 4 year relationship, with me moving out last friday. I am numb with what to do. There I was with a woman, wedding plans, Family plans (already went through 2 miscarriages) but something obviously went wrong. Since the second miscarriage things just never got right, I messed up with money, I was miserable, my ex was miserable and then it all came to head on new years day. we lived under the same roof since last week which was difficult. We had a very up and down relationships, my ex went through depression which even when she got better, it was never going to be difficult to trigger again.


Ever since we decided to split, my ex was fine, she got on with her life, seemed to me in good spirits. This angered me and I am still carrying that anger. Did I not mean anything to her? How can she move on so quickly? All questions I have that are spinning through my head.


I am dreading seeing her again as we live in a small town and our social life overlaps.


How long does it take before you can put something behind you?


anyway, I thought I would let some steam off

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Loosing a baby is so HARD! Take heart in the fact that MANY couples cannot stay together after the loss of a child.


Of course you meant something to her. But please realize that SHE has changed as well. Not being able to carry a child to term....that really screws with a woman's head! Somewhere deep in her mind, she wants to get away from all of that, and that includes you. She hasn't moved on, she just wants to get away, there is a difference.


Time to change your social life. The two of you need to get away from each other and the pain that being together brings.


You need to do SuperDave's No Contact Challenge. Here is where you'll find the rules. Now this won't get the two of you back together..this is more of a way to help you start the healing process and allow you to move on.


Also, start a journal. Pouring out your heart every day really helps. And don't forget, we are always here to help.

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Thanks for both of your replies. I do understand how she has to move on.


I was hurting alot and showed my feelings that I was sad and miserable. My ex, did not show any emotion, she just carried on. I know this was her self preservation, but I was just trying to state the questions going through my head that has made me feel this way.


'If i meant so much, how can she move on so easily?'


I admit I am being selfish and I have a lot of anger built up but its something I am trying to reason with

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Seriously. She may appear to have moved on but she is probably in severe denial. My ex was like that for a few months after we broke up and then all of a sudden, she came tumbling down and it was ugly. Not that I was hoping for that and not that you should hope for that either. All I'm saying is that people cope with trauma in different ways. If you are expressive and can feel your feelings more completely than she can, then I would say that you are probably doing way better than she is in the long run. Don't confuse your external reactions with a statement of 'how well you are doing'. Maybe you are not in denial about what happened while she still is and it is way better in the long term to come to terms with reality as soon as you possibly can.

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Man reading all these break ups makes me so sad. Im sorry for your lose bro im stuck on what to tell you. For me getting closer to god helped me alot to cope with my break up. Times like this we have to be strong and have faith. After a break up we have to work on repairing our selves. Im sure if it was meant to be you to will get back but you cant think that. My advice right now is horrible im so depressed still and its been a month. Anyways i will pray for you bro just keep your head and be strong.

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