Something About Sex...what I Think...

[ajaxajax]

Ladies and gentlemen

 

I've had a discussion with my sister and brother about a lot of people thinking it's ok for a man to sleep around, but not for a woman to do the same. Then, as I was thinking about it....SOMETHING HIT ME!

 

I might finally understand why society REALLY has this sexual double standard - even though I personally don't think it's ok for any of my sisters to sleep around. There are 2 reasons:

1. While woman can "fall in love" with man, man can "fall in love" with woman just as easily. In this regard, when having women, men naturally have competitors. They still all want the same prize - women (not just for sex, but for companionship, tender hand touches, laughter etc). So, each man tends to "hate" each and every rival male and feels disgusted against each woman who falls for that competitor and becomes "dominated" by, in particular HIS physical strength, HIS penetrative genital designed to violate the female target and, according to the man, HIS "very filthy, disgusting" semen! After all, no man wants to ever know how a woman receives another man's "white trash" - or be anywhere near it unless he's gay or bisexual

2. Men do become horny, but a lot more so than women - a lot due to testosterone being more in the blood. It's generally seen that men move in mostly because of physiology (of which not a lot can be done to eliminate - but can be controlled through eg proper companionship with a woman). Women do love sex, women do appreciate sex - and that doesn't make them (otherwise people will ask - um...what's a baby?). But, men feel that women sleeping around and having themselves being other men's "white trash" containers is not acceptable due to their major influence being not physiology - but UNACCEPTABLE CONSCIENTIOUS CHOICE!

 

I know that what I've said may be controversial and probably offensive by some women, but I just want you to know this too. I may be male but I'm trying to never tend to want to sleep around for the sake of how women see me and other men. And it gets SOOO hard when he stays single. As for the Q of why men sleep around behind their lovers' backs, it's either because their relationships are not up to expectations and/or these men don't appreciate their companionship enough.

 

I want to know what you, men and women, think about all this. Thanks

[Scotcha]

I find even the reference to a woman being a "white trash container" to be one of the most offensive terms I have ever heard. I can only hope I never come accross you or anoyone else who thinks this way in person.

[Batya33]

People who cheat typically do so because their values justify it, and for no other reason.

 

I thought it was funny that with all your generalizations about "why" a woman can't sleep around you never took into account I suppose sex where there is no "release" - or, I suppose it is fine then for your theory if a woman does "everything but" with many men. Hmmm.

 

Disclaimer - by my comments I don't mean to say I agree with anything the poster wrote - I don't!

[Locke2121]

I believe that there is a difference in a wanton woman, and one who simply enjoys sex.

 

The wanton woman can look for a different party every night. She doesn't care who she sleeps with as long as she gets her "fix." She is seeking to fullfill some inner need and thinks that sex will do it. She never seems to realize that every time she does it, that need just doesn't seem to go away, nor can she find the connection she is looking for.

 

But a woman who views sex as an enjoyable and natural thing, she tends to choose her partners with a bit more care, likes the ones that can give her what she needs, not only in bed but life as well. However she isn't afraid to dump him and move on if he isn't the right guy for her. She knows to take care of herself and never fall below a certain line of self-respect.

 

Men...well we are pigs sometimes. However, I tend to disagree with alot of people talking about men sleeping around, proving their manhood. If thats true, then why are there so many first-love romances? They can last for years or a lifetime! Many men want that one woman that can love them and give them simple respect.

 

Of course, just like women, there is always that percentage of men who think that sleeping with as many partners is a sign of power and masculinity. This being a male-driven world for the most part, they have it easier. But I tend to think that in the end, this men will be stuck, reliving their glory days, never realizing that all those married "suckers" have wonderful home lives, where each new day is something to look forward to and they don't have to rely on their past accomplishments to feel good. That or they die from an illness! Like a wanton woman, I find them pitiable, they never seem to find what they need.

 

I think that about 80 to 90 percent of people, men and women, are for the looking for that someone special. Most, myself included, are driven by what I call the Hearth Complex, that secret desire to find a person, raise some rug rats and live happily ever after in front of a roaring fireplace, dog and cat sleeping on the warm hearth, their lives full of happiness and romance. They may never find the lifetime commitment they want, but I think they can find happiness.

[arwen]

I find your post offensive to women who had their moments of 'fun', and your generalizations quite unfair and unequal for men and women. You seem to justify male cheating and presuppose that women do not have the same drive as men. How on earth do you know that if you are 1. not a woman and 2. not ALL women?

 

I agree with Batya on the cheating. Well put.

 

As a woman I can tell you that I also do not like to think about the 'entries' that a man has entered before he was intimate with me. I really don't see your biological explanation of this, and I wonder who ever taught you biology in that way?

 

Arwen

[Beec]

As far as the differences in women who are and who are not wanton, I won't touch it.

 

However, when it comes to sex, men do want a woman who they think will only be having sex with them. Evolution bred this into us. They do not want to raise someone else's children, we want to put our effors into our own. However, we are not above another man putting his efforts into our children. So, our woman must be ours alone, but if we supply the sperm for a child another man will raise, then that's fine with us, in simple animla terms. Morality changes things, but when ur ancestors were more primative this worked for men. Obviously, in this case, the woman who breeds only with her man has his children, and at the same time, some other woman might also be having his children, and he gets to multiply more than that poor chump raising some ther man's kids.

 

Woman at the same time want a man who will give her sons that have somewhat of an attitude, but also who really only have sex with them. A woman wants her man to only have to support her children, not the children that both she and some other woman give birth to. So, women look for a men who will seem like they will remain monogamous.

 

And while I think the OP used some terms that others may not like, I don't think that the post was intended to offend. Indeed, this is someone looking at a double-standard and trying to figure out why it exists. I think the terms used are the terms he sees society imposing on certain types of individuals, not terms he seems to have adopted for his own ideas. If he really thought so, why would he be concerned about a double standard.

[Locke2121]

I'm sorry Beec, I have to disagree with your views on men. Nearly every married man I know, from 20 to 80 have told me that they simply can't imagine life with any other woman, nor having children with another. The few who did have children with a women, then divorced, they said it broke their hearts leaving their children behind...they want them to stay with daddy. It also kills them when the ex moves on and a new man is in the kids lives.

 

Maybe its the place I live, the South is very family oriented.

[Beec]

I'm sorry Beec, I have to disagree with your views on men. Nearly every married man I know, from 20 to 80 have told me that they simply can't imagine life with any other woman, nor having children with another. The few who did have children with a women, then divorced, they said it broke their hearts leaving their children behind...they want them to stay with daddy. It also kills them when the ex moves on and a new man is in the kids lives.

 

Maybe its the place I live, the South is very family oriented.

 

I think that has a lot to do with the community and society these men live in and that's influenced by our morality and how we view children, etc. today. I cannot imagine letting another man raise my children so long as I was living, but I am a product of a a certain society and family.

 

And I also think that my comments are really looking to where we came from. As homo sapiens, we've only been around for about 130,000 years. Consider that it took about 120,000 of those years for us to learn how to grow crops and then form cities. Man only learned to smelt metal about 5,000 years ago, and about 3,000 years ago, man learned to make iron. We've learned a lot and learn develop knowledge more ra[pidly now, but we also have a different society and morality. But, evolution and the primitive cultures from which we spring still have a large effect on us.

 

Consider that slavery was probably close to universal 3,000 years ago, but now we would find the idea of ownign slaves abhorrent. Consider the entire cultures 3,000 years ago built themselves on slavery. The biggest inconsistency in the movie 300 is in how it depicts Spartan culture. The Spartans at some time in their prehistory conquered and enslaved their neighbors to the west, and referred these slaves as helots. The helots did all the fariming, etc., and a Spartan man was only a warrior. When a Spartan married he was supposed to rape his wife for sex the first time they engaged in intercourse. And at the same time, the Spartans could walk out and engage in battle first against the Persians and later against the Athenians for the freedom of the Greeks. The Athenians had a democracy that subjugated other Greek city-states. All of this seems inconsistent to us, but for these people it wasn't.

 

Evolution built stuff into us, and circumstances and the teaching of our societies puts other ideas into our heads. Over time these ideas change. An eye for an eye is not the concept we often use to punish offenders now, but it worked for others.

 

The circumstances that we live in and the morality we have has changed, but that does not mean everything is gone. The men you refer to are all probably above 30. Find me a bunch of men in their early 20s and tell me they would say the same to a man. Find me a bunch of urban teenagers and tell me you won't find a guy there who has had children with more than two women. With different circumstances, and morality, the ideas change, but not all the evolutionary urges disappear.

[ajaxajax]

Well, interesting...Beec, you female? Because if you're not, I try to tell something that might help women feel less bitter about men and understand us more but I get called by every woman an extremely filthy pig. Was expecting that from some women and understands their arguments. But...

 

Scotha, you may find my "white trash" semen container content disturbing but thinking about this:

Why is there a 60% divorce rate in America - when many people see marriage as meant to be at least life long?

Why is AIDS now spread in the US - and other parts of the Western world - mostly through heterosexual intercourse?

Why does America have the highest rates of teenage pregnancy in the Western world?

How is a man supposed to feel after finding a woman sleeping around copping other men's "trash"? (Obvious answer - bitter, upset, explosive, homicidal etc)

Why is there sexual deviance in every moral environment - morals are meant to be followed ALL THE TIME, aren't they?

 

Believe me, Scotha, my mentality is a lot more likeable than what you suggest despite the obvious disgust of my comment, of which I feel is not true, but RIGHT ON THE MONEY true! Frankly, I don't condone men sleeping around with women either, but understand that a man doing it to a woman can be seen as a symbol of DOMINATION by the man - whether or not she has another. And that's even more hurtful.

 

Arwen, I suggest you read my original post carefully. I did say who do it with their male partners and do it wisely are not ****. I know perfectly well that men are far more sexually active than women - and it's scientifically proven everywhere! That's one of the reasons why I hate men in general more than women in general - despite me finding some women being more despicable than you, Batya and Scotcha ever would find of me! I do not condone men sleeping behind their wives or girlfriends, I do not condone rape in ANY FORM. If you find me disgusting, then I'm afraid you should find those wonton men and women even more disgusting - and are proud of it!

[Batya33]

Well, at least we know that those "wonton" men and women never order hot and sour soup. ;-) Other than that, not sure what the relevance is of that post.

[applepie]

Why is there a 60% divorce rate in America - when many people see marriage as meant to be at least life long?

Why is AIDS now spread in the US - and other parts of the Western world - mostly through heterosexual intercourse?

Why does America have the highest rates of teenage pregnancy in the Western world?

How is a man supposed to feel after finding a woman sleeping around copping other men's "trash"? (Obvious answer - bitter, upset, explosive, homicidal etc)

Why is there sexual deviance in every moral environment - morals are meant to be followed ALL THE TIME, aren't they?

 

Some of these questions struck me as quite odd, considering they have little to do with anything you are saying.

 

1. I can honestly say that the increase in divorce rates in the US can be directly attributed to the fact that women are far more self sufficient. Historically and even as recent as the 1970's, women were in the household and rarely worked once they got married. They had no financial support other than that of their husband's and they were pretty much stuck where they were. Social expectations changed once it was the norm for women to be independent money earners.

 

2. link removed

 

3. I believe that America has the highest rates of teen pregnancy because they don't educate enough about birth control in sex education classes. Abstinence is the message they are trying to get accross, but in reality it doesn't work like that for the majority of teens. In most European countries, despite having similar rates of teens having sex, there are far fewer teen pregnancies. That's because they educate students about birth control.

 

4. I can't answer your next question because I'm not a man, but I don't think it's so much a matter of copping another man's "trash", but more of an emotional hurt.

 

5. I can't answer this question either. Well...I could, but I don't want to listen to any flaming.

[ajaxajax]

Applepie, I know what you are trying to say. I'm sure that a high divorce rate is heavily due to increased general freedoms for women, but I'm not so sure if that is why 3 out of every 5 marriages end up destroyed. And the percentage is even higher among newer married couples, who married in a time of greater gender equality - in all apsects.

 

I had some study of how AIDS got spread - it just alarms me on how women are now getting far bigger proportions of infected patients than back 20 years ago. Not considering drug abuse, how else would a woman get the damn bug!

 

Regarding teen pregnancies, sex education goes a long way - but it's no good if women and their partners don't put it into practice. My school had a sex education program and still ended up with some female students giving birth to children out of wedlock before the age of 20 and with the children having no male role model.

 

In terms of a woman copping it, well if you think about it...in the hearts of most men (even if they don't realise it)....that can be seen as an emotional hurt too - a deep one!

 

I'm only trying to state that the concept of copping it is what is probably thought in most men, but they may not realise it. That's why I used that vulgar term....to get that belief out in the open so that everyone can debate it - female or male!

[applepie]

I can see that we will never see eye to eye on these issues, so I'm just going to leave it at that.

[ajaxajax]

Applepie, P.S.: (From AVERT Web Site)

 

Around 47% of all people diagnosed with AIDS were probably infected with HIV through male-to-male sexual contact, while people exposed through heterosexual contact comprise around 17% of the total. Since the beginning of the epidemic, the number of heterosexual infections has increased dramatically. According to CDC estimates, heterosexual contact led to about one third of new AIDS diagnoses and one third of new HIV diagnoses in 2005.

 

Around 19% of all adults and adolescents diagnosed with AIDS have been female. Among new AIDS diagnoses in 2005, this proportion was 27%.

[ajaxajax]

I can obviously see that every woman in this post has obviously become very upset by what I thought was just an objective attempt to understand why the double standard is present everywhere. I may be told that they don't want to see me eye to eye on these issues, meaning that a woman's sexuality is none of my business - no matter how ill suited I think each woman's partner or "**** buddy" is for her (I, as a man, feel that I can judge better just like women think that they can judge women better).

 

Well, what about my own? I'm tired of people convincing me to be gay or to never worry about women (you're lucky I don't find all of you to be ****). And I'm tired of women pretending to like me romantically or sexually but are actually like it's a big joke. It's like I'm experiencing a personal anti-man epidemic! Why can't men and women develop a bit of sexual decency on a large scale - both for themselves and for each other. Because if women can't see me eye to eye and see that a man deserves to get the same respect a woman's entitled to - especially, if he's not a sexual predator...then I will always feel that a woman cheating on me using another guy's "white trash" will be INEVITABLE!

[CharLit]

Well, using less offensive terms in your first post might have helped in getting people to think about what you were saying rather than how you were saying it. Calling people trash containers is not conducive to considered debate. However, I still don't think many would have agreed. It seems to me that your 'theory' is based on a couple of huge misconceptions:

 

1) According to you, all men see all other men as competitors because they are competing for the attention of women. I'm already disagreeing with you there, but that aside: if it were true, why would the exact same not be true for women? Surely all other women are our rivals for the men we want, too?

 

2) From the above, you assume that men hate it if women have been with the competition. Why do you think the same doesn't go for women? Do you think I'm going to dance for joy if the guy I'm dating has "dominated" 50 members of 'the competition'? No, because I want to be with someone whose sexual standards meet my own, and yes, I get childishly and retroactively jealous

 

That's me, and there are also plenty of people who are open enough and secure enough in themselves that they don't give a damn how many people their partner has been with before them, as long as they are with them NOW.

 

And FYI, there are plenty of women with higher sex drives than their partner's. You'll find many of them posting here and on other forums about it.

 

Re. your last post: given how badly you think of women, why are you surprised they're not wild about you, either?

[ajaxajax]

CharLit, I didn't want to add anymore to this post - or even revisit it -because of people (particularly, women) seeing me as a pig for using those comments. But, I can assure you I am not a pig at all. I'm, for starters, dismayed at how women keep telling me "you're the one women would rather marry" but they keep going to everyone else - NOT THE ONE "THEY'D RATHER MARRY"! And the men they go with are chronic liars, drunks, girlbashers etc. And I feel that shows that they don't consider me good enough for me to be trusted - inside and outside of the bed!

 

I have read your questions...and I'm only discussing the male side of the double standard about men and women sleeping around. But, it appears that the women here are telling me that it's ok for women to sleep around with men and not ok for men to do the same. See, both men and women appear to be sticking to their own sides on this debate. I'm in fact suggesting that BOTH men and women get their acts together when it comes to sexual standards!

 

I would also like to tell you...this is still a very patriachial world! That means men rule and many use women up...without a lot even knowing it! So I do get upset when men use their physical strength over women, their financial position etc. And how am I supposed to feel if my girlfriend got "taken over" by 20 men previously or more? I do know that it doesn't mean it will happen again...but all too often it does! That's why out of my 3 uncles and one aunt, THREE OF THEM DIVORCED! The other one's still single. So how can I be absolutely sure that I won't be betrayed in the future and not just NOW?

 

And one more reason why I wrote such purile language. I went to my doctor and he said that it's likely I have both an anxiety disorder AND clinical depression - accumulated over a matter of decades (not years). And it's the sick nature of both many women and many men (at least in the sexual sense) that's contributed to my problem!

[Majoraslayer]

There is no such thing as a good reason to cheat. No justification in this world can make it right, whether you are man or woman. One is just as bad as the other, as both sides are human being and have an equal desire for companionship in their own way.