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What is more serious, a kiss or sexual activity?


Hayles

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I spoke with my very distraught best friend last night on the phone, through her blubbers she told me that her husband of 7 years had confessed to 'cheating' with a woman at work. Now, as she went into detail, it seems that he has been spending time with this woman, lunch breaks etc. and they have kissed - hence his need to confess.

 

My best friend is heart broken, and she said something to me that I would never have throught about otherwise, "the thing is, they only kissed, but somehow I think that is worse - it's more about the emotional connection that needing an itch scratched". I was a little confused at first, but then she said this "Men sometimes get hookers so they can have sex, they sometimes have one night stands, they don't just kiss random girls without feeling something for them - this is not about sex, this is about the possibility of me actually losing my husband to this woman"

Wow!!!

 

I pondered on that for a while - what do you guys think?

I didn't even really know what to say to her - I'm sure either way she'd have reacted the same way.... any advice?

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well I think a kiss is just as bad as sex!! I feel bad for your friend

 

I know sometimes when I've really been into someone... just having him hold me and kiss me is AMAZING!!... and nothing can beat that feeling..

 

So, yes, I understand how she feels!

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Interesting question. Kissing is a very intimate act. My partner would say she feels most intimacy when kissing.

 

But I guess to me, kissing, in relation to sex would be more of a prelude, intimate but more of a prelude.

 

I guess it will be different to different people

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This reminds me of the show 'Pretty Woman' where Julia Roberts would prostitute her body.......but never kiss the man.

 

I think for some ppl, kissing is showing more intimacy.

In order for me to kiss a man, I would have to have strong feelings for him.

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I think a kiss can be more accidental - you're in a bar, had too much to drink, intimate conversation, and you get close to someone. The angle of the head is right, you're close, and before you know it you're snogging them. I mean, I wouldn't *LIKE* it, but I can see how you might end up kissing someone and it not being a big deal, whereas for me sex is a BIG deal, and I would see that as more serious cheating.

 

Just to add a slightly difference perspective!

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I think a kiss can be more accidental - you're in a bar, had too much to drink, intimate conversation, and you get close to someone. The angle of the head is right, you're close, and before you know it you're snogging them. I mean, I wouldn't *LIKE* it, but I can see how you might end up kissing someone and it not being a big deal, whereas for me sex is a BIG deal, and I would see that as more serious cheating.

 

Just to add a slightly difference perspective!

 

I agree that a kiss can be an accident, but this doesn't sound like it is the case. My ex accidentally kissed my roommate, except they had been flirting with each other for months, and had been talking on the phone a few times before this happened. There was something between them, so it really wasn't much of an accident.

 

A kiss can be forgiven a lot easier than sex, for me personally. I forgave my ex for the kiss, but now that she has cheated on me and is out having sex with another guy, that I don't know if I can forgive. I have kissed other girls since the breakup, it was emotional but not too bad. When it came to sex with this girl, I couldn't do it. I was definitely wanting it, but couldn't do it, either because of morals or guilt.

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I think your friend is concerned that her husband may be in love with the other woman. Many people can deal with their SO having a one-night stand or two, but they could not deal with their partner having strong feelings for the affair partner. Many people will tell you that the thought of their partner falling in love with someone else is more painful than the thought of them having sex with someone else.

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Emotional infidelity (with or without kissing) can certainly be just as hurtful as physical infidelity. It seems that gender differences are typically expressed here. Men are more threatened by physical and women by emotional. Similar to the fact that in general men want more physical interaction in a relationship and women want more emotional support.

 

Still seems like it is valid for your friend to be upset and that at the least her husband's interaction is a sign of some real issues in their relationship. I hope that they can not just deal with the incident, but also address the deeper issues behind why he was so close with another woman in the first place.

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this is very serious and hurtful...my husabnd had an affair with a woman at work and supposedly they did everything but have intercourse (he tried to talk her into going to a hotel but she refused several times...she was still married too!)....they had an emotional bond and he even said he loved her once...it is so hurtful and they should get into counseling asap to try to figure out why this happeneded...i wish them luck!

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this is very serious and hurtful...my husabnd had an affair with a woman at work and supposedly they did everything but have intercourse (he tried to talk her into going to a hotel but she refused several times...she was still married too!)....they had an emotional bond and he even said he loved her once...it is so hurtful and they should get into counseling asap to try to figure out why this happeneded...i wish them luck!

 

That sounds horrible. I'm sorry that happened to you.

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Wow... thank you all for your input... Well, for an update, I was speaking with my friend just now on the phone, she has decided to separate with her husband. The chance of reconciliation is far off in her mind for now as the wound is still very fresh.

It does seem that her main fear of him having feelings for another woman is the issue at heart, and whilst she is being incredibly understanding and mature about the fact that he has simply found qualities in someone else that he finds attractive - she feels betrayed by the kiss.

 

She is remarkable - she said "While I don't believe it's right to have feelings for someone else while you are married, or with someone else, sometimes it can happen, unexpectedly, unplanned, that I get - but he should have come to me and talked with me before he explored that further."

I think she may be right.

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That's serious.

 

I wonder if the kiss is more the symptom than the actual cause of the separation. It symbolises a connection, an intimacy, and builds on the lunches together, the time shared. It's not more intimate than sex per se, but it - and the lunches - show a deeper emotional tie that's a real threat. About the mind and not the body.

 

I understand her need to justify it, and rationalise that maybe under some circumstances she could tolerate cheating if it was just him "scratching an itch" but I also think the whole kissing is more intimate that sex line is a bit of a Pretty Woman fantasy. Sex is sex, what is more intimate? I doubt she'd really be more okay with him having one night stands when away from home.

 

I hope that they can make their way through this and that your friend is okay. This stuff must feel like an enormous betrayal but maybe they can one day recover.

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I hope they do, and in time, she may be more willing to try - right now it's just hurting far too much. She is definitely more upset about the lunches etc. as I wrote - she realises he has gained feelings for someone else, he has been basically 'dating' behind her back - and as I said, she does wish he had come to her before exploring what he could potentially have with the other woman... before a lunch 'date' or a kiss...

 

I pray for them... she is strong and she has always been committed to the marriage, so perhaps once the hurt lessens she will attempt again - for now he is living home with his parents!

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Yeah I Do Think That Kissing Is Worse Than Sex 'cause You Wouldn't Pay To Kiss A Woman Or Kiss Any Random Woman.sex Can Be Random And Meaningless.my Advice For Your Friend Is To Really Sit Down And Talk To Her Husband Without Getting Heated And Try To Find Out What His Kissing Buddy Has That He Doesn't Have At Home?

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