Lost my Job

[macgyver4ever]

So I lost my job today due to cut-backs and restructuring, whatever that means. A little over a month ago I lost my girlfriend of 4 years. She was seeing someone else behind my back, and ended up leaving me for him.

 

Now I am all alone in the big city. My only family here is her family. They took great care of me for the last 4 years. I can't really turn to them, but did talk to my ex's mom today. I know she will tell my ex what happened. My ex will probably call but I don't know if I can talk to her. I am on day 13 of NC, it would be 30 days today, but I had to talk to her about canceling her phone.

 

Do I talk to her if she calls. I need her more than ever right now. I need someone, something in my life, because I am alone. I feel like I have lost everything important in my life, everything I have ever worked for is gone.

 

What do I do?

[nilli]

you may not feel it right now but this could be a wonderful opportunity. You can start afresh.

 

I started a new job and came to terms with the fact that it wasn't going to work out with the guy I love practically in the same week and I cannot express how much the job change is giving me strength. A shake out of my routine was just what I needed (job is a bit precarious but..hey ho, that's fine with where I'm at right now) and there's the added bonus of meeting new people, new cafes, new thoughts and just "grappling" with change.

 

It's a mixed bag of emotions but that is preferable to one dull ache as there's happines and excitement and hope mixed with the worry, sadness and doubt. I found I was pretty much alone too, although I have made friends here, I had isolated myself a lot due to depression over this guy. Now I'm feeling happier, friends seem to be around more. I'm not suggesting they were fair-weather friends. I really didn't want to see anyone all that much so I'm sure they're around more because I am more "inviting" now.

 

It's unfortunate to have to deal with all this at once but it could be the old proverbial blessing in disguise! You don't mention whether or not you loved your job or not so I don't know whether to commiserate or celebrate (if you hated it of course!).

 

New jobs often come with new friends. Put your ex out of your mind and be creative in your job-hunting.

 

It's normal and understandable to want someone familiar from whom we have received love and affection from in moments like this. Ask yourself if this is still that person, could she really comfort you? Really think about who else you can turn to when you need it....friends can be as supportive as family.

 

hugs,

nilli x

[CynicalGuitarist]

Man, that's a tough break. I wish I could give you a well-thought-out plan for you to work at, but I can't really give such a thing because I'm 19 with no job or job experience and never even had a girlfriend. All I can say is; just hang in there, because we may never know how things turn out. I do, however, think you shouldn't talk to her right away when she calls because you might need some time to re-coperate from something that serious.

[macgyver4ever]

I appreciate the support, and to know that this may be a blessing. I didn't "love" my job, but I did love the people I worked with. They had turned into my family in the last few months, and it was the one safe place I had. Now it is gone.

Our company had just gotten sold, and I had not been getting near the amount of work I used to. I had been helping other people with their work. I was getting ready to look for a new job, but this is not really how I wanted to have to find one. I know people, and I should be able to find something, but last time it took me 8 months to find something. I only have a few months before I have to start borrowing money.

 

I would like to not talk to my ex if she calls, but I'm pretty weak right now. I could use all the support I can muster, but I really don't know if talking to her would make me feel better. Who knows, she may not even call. She's probably staying with her new boyfriend tonight.

 

If anyone knows of any industrial designer openings, I'm available!!!

[Scrembledeggs]

Tough break, man. I'm truly sorry to hear that this has happened to you. Hopefully good things are on the horizon. I wish I could offer more, but I'm no good at this sort of thing. Just hang in there, and good will come your way.

[macgyver4ever]

My ex never called or anything. I'm sure she knows by now. Pretty heartless, but that describes who she has become. Completely selfish and unfeeling.

 

 

What is my ex thinking right now? How would you feel if this happened to your ex?

[Beyondthesea]

It's good that she hasn't called, you need to maintain NC even if you are hurting right now. You don't want to turn to her and get your emotions messed all over again.

 

This truly is a new opportunity to do something different. Where is your own family? Why don't you move closer to them now that you have no ties there? Or, if you love the city you are living in, go out and explore the sites. Enjoy yourself, love yourself. Find you again, and see what you really want to do

[macgyver4ever]

It's good that she hasn't called, you need to maintain NC even if you are hurting right now. You don't want to turn to her and get your emotions messed all over again.

 

This truly is a new opportunity to do something different. Where is your own family? Why don't you move closer to them now that you have no ties there? Or, if you love the city you are living in, go out and explore the sites. Enjoy yourself, love yourself. Find you again, and see what you really want to do

 

My family is in Iowa, and there are no jobs for me there. I wish there were, because I miss the people and my family.

 

It's a long hard road, but I know it will be quite a trip. I'm not big on change, so this is completely out of character for me. I'm excited to see where it takes me, because for the first time in my life I have NO IDEA where I will be a month from now. My future is so open and endless. I'm scared, but confident.

[macgyver4ever]

Update:

 

She Called me Friday night. I didn't answer. I plan on calling back, just not sure when. Either tomorrow morning or Sunday night. I'm not going to be a jerk. She left a nice message saying that she was calling to see how I was doing, and that she heard about my job and wanted me to know she would be there if I wanted to talk, and to call her back sometime.

 

Seemed sincere, but she sounded very emotional, kinda scared.

 

What do you think? I feel pretty good right now. I was stable all day. I'm confident.

[rocio]

Only take on one battle at a time. Don't communicate with your ex until you're feeling better about the whole career/finances situation.

[ninja]

I totally understand your pain macgyver4ever. I was in a similar situation as you are except that I was asked to leave as I was such a wreck at work after my breakup. I felt lonely and literally the end of the world at that time. I guess you could see it as a break to visit your family, just don't be alone at this time.. You are very strong.