Alaskaman Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 My ex-girlfriend dumped me during the first week of January. We had been dating since last April, and we had a great relationship. When she dumped me she told me we had different love languages and that i wasnt exactly what she was looking for and she wasnt going to try and change me like she had done in the past with other guys (i am 26, she is 27). This all seemed odd to me how this came to pass, but the following weekend it made more sense b/c there was a guy with out of state tags staying with her (she had a few long distance relationships before we started dating). This is obviously her new guy b/c he is there pretty much every other weekend and she is gone on the other weekends (i know this b/c we live in the SAME apartment building, yes its a bad situation for me). Anyway, i was very much in love with her and still am. I decided by reading here that no contact was the only way to go b/c of our close living situation. Oddly, she sent me an email on Valentine's Day (i thought was cruel, wishing me a happy V-days), and then 3 weeks ago she called me on her way home from work. I let it go to voicemail, and i have not returned the call. I would really like to talk with her, just to chat. Have i waited too long since that call 3 weeks ago to call her now? She had very strong feeling for me before, and i can't believe that they are completely gone now. Should i make a move even though she has a new guy, or should i just let it be? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southerngirl Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 So she broke up with you for another guy? You deserve more. Let her go. I know it hurts right now, but you will heal.. Let it hurt. Then pick yourself up, dust yourself off and go on with your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaskaman Posted March 15, 2007 Author Share Posted March 15, 2007 I know, thats exactly what my head says also. I can't help it though, i've been over analyzing it. I just don't know where this other guy came from b/c thinking about the week before we broke up, there was absolutely no sign of him or the impending breakup. I guess i am still hanging on to hope for us b/c i feel so strongly for her. You are right though, my head knows it, but my heart doesnt want to hear it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southerngirl Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 Well.......... if she cheated on you thats bad bad news. I remember years ago I had dated someone for close to two years. We broke up and immediately he had someone new. That hurt! Ouch! Painful, but it only showed me that he couldnt possibly have cared about me as much as he claimed or he wouldnt have been able to move on so fast. Least that was my take on it. Sure, it hurts.... Right now its probably best for you to try to stay busy. Look to the future and not to the past. Remember whenever one door closes another one is open, you just have to keep moving till you find it. It may not be with her, that is true.... but you can be very happy again. Relationships are like trying on a pair of shoes. You may put some on and wear em for a while and then after awhile the shoe starts to pinch your toe. Do you leave it there until you get blisters? Do you let the blisters fester and hurt? Do you take the shoe off and find a new shoe while your blisters start to heal or do you leave the shoes off until your sores arent quite so raw... finding another pair later. Then remember, when you put that pair of shoes back onto the shelf, theres another pair that will fit just right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaskaman Posted March 15, 2007 Author Share Posted March 15, 2007 Great shoe analogy. It fits well (no pun intended). I have gotten much better over the past 2 months, but it still bothers me when i see that guy's car in our parking lot (he bothers me alot more than her actually!). I'm a great guy, and i defintely deserve better than that, especially after all i did for her. All of my friend's wives can't believe she did me this way b/c they tell me that i'm the one of their husband's friends that they would actually WANT to marry their sisters. I just have to look forward and forget all the good times in the past! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophie274 Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 I don't have much to add to what southerngirl said, except to say I completely agree with her. Don't talk to her if you are still pining after her - no good will come of it. The fact that she got together with this guy right after you two broke up shows she had checked out of the relationship a while ago. Good luck with your healing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wotgorilla Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 You deserve better, once a cheater always a cheater! You did the right thing by not calling her back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 You deserve better, once a cheater always a cheater! i dont agree with that, as i've cheated, and im sure as hell not gonna again! especially after my bf gave me another chance! But yeah, stay well away from this girl, if she did that to u, she wasn't into the relationship... dont waist your time and heart on someone who will abuse it! look forwards, and enjoy the single life for a while! Miss X x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heloladies21 Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 It depends on what you hope to accomplish by calling her. If you just want the comfort of hearing her voice, that's a sure fire way of falling into a vicious cycle where you use her to satisfy the need, but eventually end up feeing back down in the dumps when you're reminded of the reality of the situation. So if you feel strong enough that you'd be able to stick up for yourself and address the situation of what her intentions are with you and could take a "no" and then move on, then feel free to call. Just stay away from the small talk and get to the point. But if you are still too much emotionally weak, then stick to NC till you feel stronger. You can always address this at a later time with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaskaman Posted March 15, 2007 Author Share Posted March 15, 2007 Thanks for all the replys, there is some great info in them. Youre right, she checked out on me before i realized it, and this is what is killing me about it. We used to be inseparable, now this new guy slips in and takes my place. I've done really good in no contact considering she lives right above me, but i've had the urge to call the past couple of days after work, but havent. Sometimes i feel bad for not returning that call from a couple of weeks ago, but should I? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wotgorilla Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 Don't feel bad, your instincts told you not to call back, trust them! Time to take care of you and move on..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heloladies21 Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 It's all about looking out for you #1 dude. You don't want to end up hating her because the animosity will just end up making it harder for you to get over her, but considering her actions you owe her nothing. Take care of yourself first, and then you can deal with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaskaman Posted March 15, 2007 Author Share Posted March 15, 2007 It's all about looking out for you #1 dude. You don't want to end up hating her because the animosity will just end up making it harder for you to get over her, but considering her actions you owe her nothing. Take care of yourself first, and then you can deal with her. I love that line, I owe her nothing! That is exactly right. I gave and gave and realize now that she never fully appreciated me. Used me and then said we had different "love languages".....and then immediately moved on with another guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heloladies21 Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 Yes, that's fine to be mad for now. But also realize that eventually you're gonna have to forgive her as a part of moving on for good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaskaman Posted March 15, 2007 Author Share Posted March 15, 2007 Should i ever call her back? I feel like i should, but i'm not sure how to react now in the situation. Should i completely throw away what we had, as we had a great relationship, as friends and lovers. I am just so torn right now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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