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So I went to a club...


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Yesterday I went to a club to meet some of my buddies and listen to their band. Suddenly I met some of my old classmates (I didn't expected them to be there) - we were talking about who's doing what and such crap. Then there is this one guy who'll always ask me this question: "Hey, where's your girlfriend" - I guess he knows that it's quite a disturbing question for me because his girlfriend is a very good female friend of mine and she knows almost everything about my private life. I answered his "where is your girlfriend question" with a simple ironic phrase like "What is that???". As I said this, I saw such an evil pleasure in his eyes, a typical "You're such a looser" look.


Then this feeling of being under a "you'll always remain single" curse came up. The concert itself was great, but at the end I didn't had anybody to talk to, because all my buddies were drunk like crazy (I have quit drinking), and another former classmate I was talking to was kissing and dancing with some girl all the time for the rest of the evening.


What I'm trying to say is that I really start to believe that I'll remain single for the rest of my life - just a week ago I had a date with a girl, but we didn't had anything to talk about - she seemed to me to be a person who's more or less only influenced by all this pop dirt, we had nothing in common in case of emotions about several things in life.


I know that everything in life can change in less than a second, in an unbelieveable moment, like walking around the corner of a house and meeting a person who seems to be like a friend since the beginning of all time - but I don't really believe such a wonder may happen to me...

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noo! Dont say your going to be single forever! Its not true, Im not trying to make you feel better, but the fact is it takes time to meet the right person. Your old class mate is the looser, he has to try and make himself feel better by making other people feel pathetic, probably to cover his own misery and pathetic life.


Life is unpredictable, you cant say you'l be single forever because you dont know. Just enjoy life because its too short. Im sure when you least expect it you'l cross the paths of a special person

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Well, new friends are hard to find, because the only places I used to hang out were bars - drinking beer and smoking joints all the time (that was like two years ago), the ones I really expected to see at the concert are great people, I feel like I'm a part of them because there is no other company I know which contains only a whole load of people that are quite different from the rest of the society, they even accept it that I don't drink anymore, because most of them consider doing it.

The problem was meeting those former classmates who pull me back into my past where I was just a little nervous schoolboy without any skills in communication. I start to rememmber that so many people of my former class already live together with a partner, some are married, some have planned to do it quite soon, and I don't even know how it is when two people love each other, since my youth wasn't quite promising - parents always considered to divorce, I was just 12 years old when I heard that my father was sleeping with any * * * * at his workplace.

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You better not talk about what you've just told me to people you meet. They wouldn't want to be around you.


I'm not going to be very artistic about what i'm going to say, but the only thing i can tell you is to snap out of these thoughts and start focusing on other things that benefits you.


Your father has nothing to do with you and thinking about what he did won't improve your life.

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Well, all of the buddies I meet come from broken families - when I meet someone new and she/he tells about having fun together with his parents at summer (like spending some time cruising around Europe) - I'm just unable to believe that his/her parents are still together with each other... I've never had a chance to travel further from home than 300miles, while they've been everywhere with their parents... I dream about being everywhere on the globe, while my job just gives me enough cash so I can live and buy some crap like razors for shaving & pay for my cellphone... I can't even get an education, it's too expensive...


I don't want to become a robot who's jumping from one crappy job to another for the rest of his life... I'm just 21, but so much junk has already happened to me - I survived a heavy car crash in 2004, I nearly drowned some time later, plus a few awful things that happened to me while I was drinking heavily... And then the social thing, I don't have problems talking to others, but when often people in some event or whatever divide themselves into groups of interests and simillarities, I'll remain alone thinking what to do next - smoke a cigarette, staring at the wall, or playing with the ice in my drink...

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