Confused about my ex

[tropicaliris]

I've been broken up with my ex for about 8months now me as the breaker upper since after 6mos of dating he wasnt sure if he wanted a relationship and wanted to still date me but not want to commit. I couldn't do that especially after 6months and as a monogomous person I needed to break away. About 4 weeks after we broke up he started seeing his current gf (whom he is in a "relationship" with). Since then I've gone NC to attempt to heal strictly till December.

 

In december (while home in another state) I found out from my pap results that he contracted something to me and my dr. said to contact my last partner (my ex) to let them know they are contracting this thing (not serious but its a common std). So I mustered up the courage and hesitantly broke NC strictly to let him know.

 

After our convo, he asked me to call him when i got back to the state i currently live in (since i was visiting home). I told him "maybe...when i get settled in..." being unsure of my feelings and knew contact would hurt. He still wants to be in contact with me for some reason I don't know...

 

So I get back, it takes me a few weeks to call him. So I finally call him, the conversation went well, caught up, he wasn't distant and we talked like we used to when we were together (minus the "babe" or "honey" or any of those type of words) and nothing about "us". So I think to myself, ok.. a lil step back for me kinda made me sad to hear us talking so well only to know he has a gf and i am not fully over him. So I basically lost the desire to contact him at all since I know I will just be reminded of us not together, and our failed relationship.

 

So from january till now i've been not contacting him at all..But my ex (whom has a gf) still texts me and calls me up wanting to catch up and keep up with my life. He texts and wants to talk on the phone about every 4 weeks or so. Just this past weekend he called me to invite me to a party he was having at his house (which I know his gf was there too). Knowing his gf was there, and knowing how I am unsure of my feelings for him, and don't think its good for an ex gf to be around the ex and his new relationship (these things get messy..)... I declined and gave him an excuse that I had to study for my finals as to not being able to make it. He told me to still stop by if i get a chance to. I didnt go at all that night.

 

So earlier this week he sends me a text message, "Hey! how did your finals go?" I didn't reply to it till later that night.

 

So theres a question thats been bugging me for so long about this is why does my ex always contact me and want to remain in contact? I don't even contact him at all literally and we don't really have much of a friendship (since right when we met we started dating), why does he still want to contact me when he is supposed happy in his relationship??? We did break up with the idea of keeping a possiblity of us in the future open.

 

i know you all may just offer hypothetical answers (since my ex does have his own mind) but possibly a little insight from a third party would be helpful.

 

Thanks for your help!

[Relationship Coach]

Why does he still contact you even though he is with his current GF....because he is a dog. Let's look at this from another angle. Why would you want anything to do with him knowing that he passed something (STD) on to you that he probably contracted from someone else while the two of you were dating.

 

Lessons Learned:

1. Always us a condom.

2. ALL STD's are serious, get tested for everything now that have been exposed to an STD.

3. Stay away from him and focus on more important matters, you!

 

RC

[tropicaliris]

So you think he slept with someone else while we were together? That's why he contracted this thing to me? Or could it be from a previous relationship?

[Relationship Coach]

It is very hard to say when he contracted it, depending upon the type of STD he may have never realized he had it. However there are types of STD's that have pretty obvious symptoms and he would have been very much aware of them. How did he react when you told him about the STD?

 

RC

[tropicaliris]

Hi RC,

 

I decided to PM you instead since im not comfortable discussing personal health matters on an open forum.

 

So I left you a message, Thanks!

[jade.green]

hi tropicaliris. i am going through something similar, though my ex is not actually seeing someone...but i think i can say the same thing for both of them. they rae the ones who are confused, and hence they are confusing you. i don't think that your ex is really clear about what he wants, and this isn't surprising since he couldn't commit to you, and probably isn't committing to this new girl he's with. that's my take on it.

[tropicaliris]

Hey jade.green thanks for addressing that part of my question

 

Yeah I'm really not sure what my ex is thinking and he is supposedly happy in his new relationship (altho when we do talk he never mentions her or anything possibly cuz he knows i don't really want to hear about it).

 

But ya i dont know what it is that he wants, its like i am giving him what he wanted which is no relationship to me, letting him move on to whomever he rather be with and not contacting him so i can slowly slip out of his life and on with my own (as all breakups naturally go).

 

I just get confused because this is what i think he wants is to be with his new gf with me out of the picture but he seems to be hanging on to me for some reason. He sounds really happy to talk to me when he does call, and he usually is the one leading the conversation. I still am continuing my no contacting him and moving on fairly well. I am enjoying life once again and am starting to notice that I am feeling attracted to other men now.

 

To me it seems he's committing more to this new girl than he has to me seeing how they have set the "status" within about a week of beginning dating. So now that he has his "DREAM" girlfriend seeing how he CAN commit to her in such a short amount of time, why keep me around?

[jade.green]

hi tropicaliris. i admit that this is very confusing behaviour. but nothing that you have said suggests that he is any more committed to her than he was to you. the fact that he continues to call you makes me think that he is not. so i wouldn't necessarily assume that things are peachy keen in this new relationship of his. in my experience, men do not change so quickly. that said, i don't necessarily think that by phoning you every so often he is interested in getting back together with you in a committed way (though i don't even know if that is what you are thinking). he is not giving you enough to suggest that he wants you back. so i would think that you should try not to think too much about it (as hard asit may be) and to continue as you have been doing - slowly but surely moving on. you want someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. you deserve that. so try to just let him be confused (and i'm sure he is) and not let him confuse you as a result! after all, i think you are the one who knows what you want!

[tropicaliris]

Yeah i agree i dont think he's showing me enough to prove that he wants to be back with me in a committed way. To prove that to me requires him breaking up with his new gf, and showing me that he wants another REAL committed chance. To be honest I am not sure if I even want him back? I thought about it if we were to ever be back together all of this would be hanging over me and I know I wouldnt see him in the same light as I did when we first met.

 

And your right, i think the thought that i want someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them... contributes to my feeling of uncertainty of wanting my ex back...

 

Anyways thanks for replying it was very insightful!!

[amy99roo]

I'm in the exact same situation, STD, confusion, contact every 2 weeks to a month, 6 month relationship, 6 months out, ex with new girlfriend, etc...only things are a little sloppier...

 

No advice for you (seeing as I don't know what to do or think), but just thought it might help to know it's not just you...

 

PM me if you'd like

 

Keep your chin up...