Thinking............

[Gracelove]

I'm sitting up here watching dateline, it's soooo sad!!!

This poor lady was raped and murdered by her stalker. Isn't that so sad!

You know, it just makes you think.

I mean, that's so horrible to have to go through that. No one to help you. In your own home...

It's just so sad.

You forget. I mean. You forget how dangerous things can be. How horrible rape is, how horrible it is to be alone....with someone who is hurting you, and having no one come to your rescue.

After you try to be so careful, alert, to protect yourself.....there seems so be no avail.

Just a question to those out there who've been stalked, abused, or rape. How do you get on with your life after the fact??? How do you deal with things?

Do you forget what happened for the most part and barely think of it? How do you really feel about yourself now? Do you ever think of how it could have ended?

Do you still feel angry, hurt, or vunerability within? Have you found a way to get rid of it completely??? How long did it take?

Is there anyone here who has been close to a rapists, stalker, or abuser (possibly as a friend)? Did you know the type of person they were? If so, how did you still manage to befriend them?

If not, how did you feel when you discove red their true personality???

~Grace

[romantic sweetheart]

Hello Grace. A close friend of mine was raped by her boyfriend. This after he kidnapped her and threatend to kill her.

 

Despite all this, she has forgiven him and has chosen to fill the emptiness with love, not anger. A hard, and noble, thing to do.

 

I have been reflecting on trauma and pain, as you have been doing, in the past few weeks. There have been many revelations made to me, in dreams, in what I have read, in the people I have spoken with recently.

 

My message is this: the body is not who we are. We, as unique and dear souls, tend to forget this. It is a sort of amnesia that we wake up from as we learn more about the essense of our true selves.

 

Whatever happens to the body is temporary, and the pain is temporary, speaking from an eternal perspective, the perspective of the precious soul.

 

The emotions of pain are real, and they shape our experiences as we live the life we were meant to live. The one thing that heals all, binds all, and cherishes all, is love. Not just romantic love, but love as the true energy of all that is and ever will be.

 

And, remarkably, the hardest person to love is often our own self. Many life experiences we go through are really a plan, a gesture, to remind us about the sacredness and beauty of our own soul. Even in the most awful of circumstances, this beauty will never decay, will never be destroyed. Even as we are absued, assaulted, raped, lied to, robbed, insulted, and more, that which is eternal, our essense, our soul, is never defiled, never lessened, never corrupted.

 

In the physical realm, many frightening things can happen to our bodies. We can be murdred, raped, tortured and more. But rising above these physical traumas, is the soul, endless, boundless, and forever.

 

Harder to understand is how we can forgive unspeakable acts of atrocity towards us and others. At a personality level, it may seem impossible. But on the perspective of the soul, which sees and understands all, it is possible, and vital, to our purpose here as we navigate our unique paths in this life. thereforeeee, it is to our benefit to replace closed doors and bitter words, to replace anger and hard-heartedness, with love.

 

More than just a cheesy response, this is the very calling of our souls.

 

And it is a process. Even if we cannot manage to forget the pain, or forgive what happened to us, this in itself is not a failure, but another opportunity to learn. All choices are experiences. There is no one path, but just as there are main roads we take, the soul might hope we take a higher road to love. But whatever our experiences, whatever our responses, it is true to what we know now, true to our authentic experiences, and is thus regarded. We learn as we go.

 

Pain is a catalyst, a breaking open of ourselves so that we can understand ourselves. Beauty is within each experience, whether pleasant or painful. And that is simply because love is at the core of every moment in life.

[musicguy]

both my ex's were raped and let me tell u it was hard for us to deal with, but we managed to overcome it

[NKP]

It happened to me just about 6 years ago i just say to myself look it been and done and theres nothing i can do to take it back. I deal with it by justnot thinking about it and trying to forget about it.

 

Yeah i hate myself but not just becuz of that, becuz of alot of things, and crap happens and this happened to me, i prefur it happened to me instead of someone i love.

 

Yes i am still very hurt, but i am not going to let it keep running my life all the time, to me its just in the past. I have let it go for a while now but there are days i just cant get it outta my mind.

 

The guy that raped me was my brother i was really close to him, and yes i still talk to him, just started talking to him not long ago. After all he is my brother and always will be, and what he did was in the past, its not who he is today

[musicguy]

[Gracelove]

Hey Guys!!!

Thanks for your replies!!!

Romantic Heart

I love what you said!!! It's so beautful. I can understand where you're coming from when you talk about the difference between our body and soul.

However, physically, I'm fine. My body has healed. But when I was raped, I was raped in every sense of the word. My body, spirit, and mind were all raped. My body has healed, but my mind/soul, and spirit have not yet.

That's the hard part. If rape was just a violation of my body (physical self), I would have gotten over it a long time ago, it wouldn't really be an issue to me.

Musicguy

The rape eventually wasn't an issue in your relationship anymore?

Why are you no longer with your ex's? What happened? It wasn't related to their rape?

It's great that guys are willing to work through it with their significant others. I'm so grateful my boyfriend has stood by me.

Lost Love

I can understanding the feelings of hurt and pain. Has it become any easier to deal with in the course of 6 years???

I can totally understand how you just want to get on with your life and not be bogged down with the whole thing anymore.

I try not to think of my rape situation. I can talk about it to a certain extent. But more as if I were someone telling a story. I talk about my feelings or the facts, but I don't really allow myself to feel much when talking about them.

I've realized that since my rape I've been able to control the way I view it.

It's so weird......it's like I still pretend it didn't happen to me. I know it did, I can talk about it, but still part of me refuses to really accept it.

I thought about it today a little bit, and actually ......I guess I'm okay when I talk about it over the internet.

I just actually remember things today like, after the incident.

It's like I don't let myself think about the incident, I think about afterwards.

I can talk about my emotions and feelings in general. But........I don't know it's just still really hard. It's hard. I'm really strong these days. I don't think about how I felt then.

I don't think about how I felt. How my friend betrayed me. I know that's what she did.

But you just exhaust things ya know. I mean how much can you cry. How confused can you be.

I hate thinking about how I REALLY felt during those times because I feel like a complete victim.

I feel like a baby kind of. Someone could do something to a child, anything really, because a child can't protect itself. Which is why, of course, we have parents. But when that happened to me, there was no one there to help me and sometimes I think that hurts more than anything.

I was like a baby, ya know, no one could help me.

And I don't like thinking about that, so I think about "now". I think about the depression, and the weight, and that other crap they diagnosed me with.

I think about those things, and I'm okay.

And I know I'm "skirting" around the real issue, but that's the only way I can do it right now.

I mean, how can you recover from something like rape? How can you really cover. You only focus on other things and people think you're getting better. But do you ever really get better? Do you ever look back on it and not feel the exact same way you did at the time?

Do you ever think back on what happened and not cry.

It's scary how I'm able to compartmentalize the whole thing. How I'm able how to talk about my feelings, but not my true feelings.

I trying to communicate, and that's a start I guess, but I don't believe I'll ever be able to really describe how I feel, because I don't know the words to use.

Sometimes I feel so phony. I can get dressed in the mornings and do my makeup, my eyes, but I can't just stop and look straight into my eyes and evaluate how I'm feeling, because I just cry.

I cry, my best just isn't good enough. No matter how I mature I try to be by talking about rape like others do...I mean sometimes it seems so pointless, how can you be mature talking about something that destroyed you? How can you be mature talking about the worst moment of your life without cutting something off.

Whenever I talk about this rape I.....I don't even know why I talk about it. I mean what's the point really. I talk and talk and talk hoping that it'll make me better. But am I really getting any better.

I mean in all honesty I really feel like rape isn't something you can ever recover from.

I mean you try to be strong. Try to convince yourself that you're a person who can take care of yourself. But obviously not well enough.

I mean can anyone protect themself from a psycho? And any given moment any random person on the street can decide that they want to destoy you're life and "oh well", you're powerless to stop it.

And I love God I do. I believe in him. I believe he love me. But I keep asking, why wasn't he able to protect me? I mean, he did protect me because I wasn't murdered. But why.........

And then I tell myself, well, he gave everyone free will and people can do whatever they want.

But still I want to know, why me. I me I lived my life doing nothing but loving people and being kind to them. Why me? I totally didn't deserve this.

Oh, I was naive, so what?! That doesn't mean I deserved rape.

Because I befriend a girl? And I was a realllly good friend to her. And then she did this to me? Why?

Why do people want to hurt me?

Is it because I used to be so happy? I mean is that really a crime?

And I'm stuck! And frustrated, and upset. And everyone around me is frustrated because I'm not getting better fast enough and sometimes I just want to scream....I'm not going to get better!!!

So just stop it. It's not like I made a mistake, it's not like I went out and did this to myself, so why does everyone have to put the pressure on me?! Haven't I had enough.

Look at me! I'm a mess. And fat. I have to not eat just so that I can lose the weight. And it's a bunch of crap.

I was doing so well ya know. I was beautiful! Becoming a woman, finally caring about my hair and clothes and appearance.

I had such a nice body.

And now I have to fight for everything! I have to fight just to get back to where I was. And I fight and fight and I don't even know if I'll ever achieve it.

And this world is so screwed up and to think that I once felt it was a great place to live.

I was happy to be alive. I was able to enjoy life. I was a human.

And I don't even know if I hate me. Just because this happened to me. I mean, I don't know what to do with myself. Someone raped me and left me with me.

And my mom talks about how she had a perfect child and then this happened. It make me feel like she's talking about her dead child.

Oh, I had this perfect child until....

And what am I suppose to do with me now??? All that I've worked for. Working on trying a be a better person and now this!

I mean how could someone be so Stupid!!! And that's what the rapist is stupid!!! He has no idea what he has done! No idea. How could he.

And he'll do it again and again.

I mean raping me once should have been enough. But I wasn't even a person. I wasn't a human being with feelings, I wasn't anything. I was nothing in those moments. And after those moments.

And it's been a struggle just to get some self-worth back.

Will I have be a full person again? Will I ever be worth anything again? I don't know.

I just walk around alllllllll day, doing nothing. Just being.......what? I don't even know what I am. All I know is "managing". That's all I do all day, "manage" my sanity, "manage" this mess I've been given. That's all I can do.

And I miss my old therapist.

I mean ever since the rape I've been passed around from therapist to therapist, moved around. I just don't even know the point of talking anymore. But if I don't talk I feel like I'll lose it. So it's a lose, lose situation.

I'm in limbo.

[NKP]

Yes it has gotten abit easier, at first it didnt really effect me it did but then i just let it slide it really hit me about 2 years ago tho. Plus i never really talk about what happened to anyone i just dont know what to say.

 

Well you will never forget what happened and how you feel/felt it will stick with you for life, but you will stop crying and you will be happy and enjoy life again. You will recover but it will always stick with you though. You will always have your days or night when you just cant stop crying and think about what happened. Just dont let this guy ruin your life anymore than he has already, you deserve to be happy and enjoy life.

[Gracelove]

Awwww!!!! Thanks lost love!!!

 

I guess that's just the part of life we were dealt. I really appreciate your help and encouragement.

 

Things will be okay for us in the end I suppose. Afterall, we're still living. Life has gotten a lot better in other areas of my life. I don't want to seem totally ungrateful. I am happy to be alive. But when it come to the rape, it hasn't gotten better for me. Hopefully that will change.

[musicguy]

You are a beautiful person, both of you are

[Gracelove]

@ -)---(-Aww!!! Thanks music guy!!! -)---(- @

[musicguy]

@ -)---(-Aww!!! Thanks music guy!!! -)---(- @

 

You are very welcome