Here we go again...

[bdwiii]

I need some advice. Maybe I really don't, because I know what my heart, my mind, and instinct is telling me, but it's hard to do when you're emotionally involved, but maybe I just shouldn't be anymore.

 

I'm the guy that posted on here a few months back, right around Thanksgiving and Christmas, about a "girlfriend" lying and cheating on me at that time, and my having to find out by talking to the guys she was sleeping with. She later wound up in jail for a pv, and then was trying to call me and I refused to take her calls because of what she had done to me and how she had totally lied and betrayed me.

 

Some time had passed, and I was just going to leave it alone and be done with her, but I had to write and get all of this off my chest, and so I wrote her a long letter explaining everything about how I felt, why, and that I knew what she had done. She responded with a phone call while out on work release, and saying that she was sorry, and would I want to try again? Like a fool, I said, Yeah, if you can promise me that it'll never happen again. Well, at first, when I'd go to see her on her luch and stuff, I would hold her hand, kiss her and tell her I loved her, and she would say it back to me, but that only lasted three days or so. That lasted all of three days, and now when I see her, she only asks for money, hardly speaks to me at all, and always seems miserable and not wanting to talk at all. I tell her I love her, and she doesn't respond. Now, just today, when I went to pick her up from work, and take her back to jail, she says, "you don't have to come at lunch, cause I'm havin lunch with "mark" a guy that work here with me. But you can come in the evening to pick me up"

 

Now someone please tell me, am I wrong in wanting to just tell her this is going nowhere and I want out, and that I'm just going to leave her for "mark" or whoever, and let someone else give her rides and money? Cause that's where I'm at. When we're together anymore, it doesn't even feel like a close friendship, much less anything resembling a relationship of any kind.

 

I need advice and help. Yeah, I know, I do need help, I need to have my freakin head examined.

[doyathink]

Hey, it's nice to hear from you again.

Man, this girl is sooo lost! You better get away from her now....let it go.

[Rosesarered]

get out immediately. how rude. i cant believe she has the audacity to be like that.

[Locke2121]

Drop that hot potato and move on! You don't have as much invested emotionally this time, so you will be able to go through with it!

[bdwiii]

Yeah, you are all right, and nothing's changed with her at all. The only difference now is that she's in jail right now and can't be out screwing these people, or maybe she is, who knows. Instead she just sees them for lunch and probably makes alternate plans for when she gets out.

 

I've written to her four times now at least since the 23rd of last month, and to date, I haven't received one letter from her, not a phone call, nothing. All it's been is going to the car wash (where she's working on work release), seeing her for 15-20 mintues for lunch where I pay for it, we barely speak, and then she asks me for money. She seems to always need money for things in jail like laundry, commisary, food out of the vending machines, etc. And now, when I try to even hold her hand or touch her, she get's angry and says, "Don't, I have armorall all over my hands and they're dirty" I tell her I don't care, and she says, "Yeah, well, I do!" So then we just drive almost in total silence until we get back to the jail and she leaves.

 

See, when I first saw her again since all of what I posted previously had happened, she was saying that while she's in there, she doesn't want to be with anyone, that she just wants to work on herself and getting herself straightened out. Then, when she gets out again (June), maybe she'll be ready for a relationship, and that would be me. So as she says, we're supposed to be "just friends" for now until that time. Like I said, when I first started seeing her again, she was sweet, would hold my hand, and tell me that she loved me, but now all of that has stopped and she's become very distant, doesn't write to me or call like she always promises, and then just treats me badly when I do see her. Just yesterday when I went over to see her on her lunch, she asked for money again ($20), and then when I gave it to her, she gave me a faint hug, and said, I have to get back to work, and with that turned and started walking away. I told her I loved her, and she didn't say it back, didn't even turn around or respond at all, she just kept walking away. Then later on that evening, when I went to take her back to the jail, she tells me about her lunch date with this "Mark" guy.

 

Yeah, I know, it's so obvious that she's only playing me out yet again for money and nothing more. She doesn't even write to me for Christ's sake. Hey, for all I know, one of the guys she was with before is still in the picture and that's who she's planning on being with when she gets out. I'm just being used for money once again. After what she did to me the first time, she should be sweet as pie and doing her damndest to show me that she's sorry for what she did, and that she cares. But not, instead it's this.

 

I think after her lunch with this guy, and when the time come in the evening to go pick her up and take her back to jail, I'm just going to tell her that I won't ever be seeing her again.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I think cutting it off with her is the ONLY choice for you... she is someone with very little character, who is a criminal and lies and uses you for money.

 

so you can pretty much assume she is not going to morph into a nice and faithful person, because she had done this so many times. Character is learned at a very young age, and she obviously thinks her lying/using is fine or she wouldn't be doing it.

 

Her words are obviouly meaningless, and just tools she uses to get what she wants (lunch, money, rides to work), so please don't listen to any of them and free yourself from this awful person.

[bdwiii]

You're right, and deep down I've known it all along, but when we're aflicted with this "sickness" if you will, that of loving someone entirely too much and without merit, we tend to block out the obvious, or deny that it is what it is, and keep trying in hopes of getting a different result. I really do believe "being in love" is like a drug, or being under the influence of one. Just like the lab rats that were made to become addicted to cocaine, and leaned that each time they ran through a maze, pushed a certain button, they would get more of the drug. They continued to do this profusely, banging they're heads violently against the button and the wall it was mounted on even to the point of killing themselves despite that they were no longer being given the drug. This was a simple experiment to demonstrate the power of addiction. That's exactly what this feels like.

 

I know that she's aware of these facts all too well, and uses them to her own advantage. She obviously has a very cold heart and a devious nature that she has proved to me now over and over, will never change. She knows that I love her, and she can't just be honest and tell me that she doesn't feel that same way, and wants to date other people and just let me go. Instead, she gives me just enough hope to keep on trying, and giving her what she wants, and then when the time comes, she'll just drop me again for someone else in a heartbeat and I'll have to work on healing all over again. Yes, I want to just tell her tonight all of these things and that it's over for good this time because she's shown me just how much she cares (not at all). But, like the lab rats, I'm actually fearful as hell to actually go through with it, and do it. Why? because I keep second guessing it, like maybe she is sincere this time, and I'm over reacting. Maybe this and maybe that... maybe she'll change. And then of course I know that if I do say it and go through with it, that I'll never see or hear from her again. But that's exactly what I need to do and to have happen if I ever want to be free of feeling like this, sad, depressed, and heartbroken. Like I said, I'm just like one of those damned lab rats, and it makes me sick to have to admit it.

 

I'm just going to have to muster up all my strength, all my courage, and do what needs to be done tonight.