This is Horrible Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 hello everyone. first off, let me say that this site and its people have helped me get through this rough patch in my life so much. i really wouldnt be where i am today without ENotAlone. i dont post here too often, but i feel like i came to this realization today and should share it. some may agree and some may not agree with what i have to say, but i would like to hear other's thoughts on it. okay, so here it goes....the question i am asking is is being in a relationship worth it if the good majority of relationships end in breakup (or divorce) and it seems that people just get hurt from it at the end, when being single and happy is just as good as being in a relationship? from my POV, i was dumped on New Years Day this year from a 19 month relationship. the day (and weeks) after this happened I felt like life would never be good again. i was so determined to "win her back" but that feeling has left me and ever since it has left i have been getting better and better very fast. i am not totally healed from this, but i am able to look at things with more of an open mind now and looking back i say to myself why the hell was i so obsessed with just wanting to be in a relationship when there are so many other things that life has to offer, that i can enjoy, that i dont need to be in a relationship to have. these thoughts came to me today on my lunch break. i was walkig around in an out door mall by my job. it was a beautiful day in NY, i was talking to my friends on my cell phone making dinner plans for tonight, plans for the weekend, planning a trip next month....and it has all come to me that the thought that i HAVE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP IN ORDER TO BE HAPPY is like programmed into my head and i am missing out on so many other things that life has to offer and that thought is such a big misconception it is unhealthy and the furthest thing from the truth. at dinner tonight, i saw two friends that i havent seen since the summer. when they saw me over the summer they expressed concern for me. they said i looked stressed and i was a little overweight. to be honest, at that point of the relationship i was so miserable i might as well have just ended it there....but it was programmed into my head that i had to be happy. of course, over the summer, i told my friends that i was fine and explained the stress as nothing more than stuff from work and that was BS i actually believed myself because i thought i was really happy (LOL) because i had the "best girlfriend in the world (bigger LOL)". and i thought the day would never come where i would say this, but although i thought my ex was the perfect GF and that she was going to make the perfect wife for me, that is pure fiction and propaganda i made myself believe out of fear of being viewed as a failure and fear of being unhappy if i didnt have a GF. and to be honest, our values and views on things were so different it would have never worked no matter how hard we tried. i can finally say this and mean it without being afraid of the things i just mentioned because theyre simply not true. today the stress is gone. it left when i let go of the relationship and thought of getting her back about a month ago, and to be honest, it is the best i have felt in so long. this may sound selfish, but NOT being in a relationship allows me to do whatever i want for myself. i dont have to worry about saving money to do things with her...i can buy whatever i want for myself and not worry about it now, or not seeing my friends because i have to attend one of her family functions. it is a sense of freedom i havent had in almost two years, and i forgot what it feels like, but it feels great! today I have slimmed down because i actually have the time to go to the gym 5 or 6 times a week and follow a healthy eating plan because i am not devoting all of my free time to a relationship. at work i am so much more productive because i am not on Instant Message talking to her or checking my e-mail to see what she has written to me. I am getting a lot of work done and am in line for a promotion in September if this keeps up. I do not know if i am just lookng for negatives of being in a relationship, but being single is not the end of the world and i think that this is the life i may opt for over involving myself with someone and having to have to put everything i have into it and get nothing out of it when it's over. if i may add, this is not a bash fest on my ex either. my ex is my ex- she is not a bad person, but at the same time, i want nothing to do with her. she is no longer my problem because she is no longer part of my life. i wish her the best, but i wish everyone in life the best. as far as i am concerned she is nothing to me now. i think that the whole idea that society has that we have to be with someone in order to be happy is the furthest thing from the truth and i think i will stay single for a long time and enjoy what life has to offer without worrying about having a committment to anyone else. if it stays like that forever, so be it. life has so much to offer besides the company of another person, i truly believe that if you do have that person it is like a bonus but not having them doesnt mean that life sucks or that youre a failure. sorry i carried on this long but i feel like i had to type this out tonight. i appreciate feedback from the other posters. 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