Am I wrong????

[confused82]

Okay so yet another question about my recent break up. So My partner and I have no contact except for figuring out our financial obligations. I know I have to move on and for right now I really feel like I do not want to hear about her and her day to day stuff. The deal is, we have a lot of mutaul friends who I am hanging out with right now and I understand they are probably going to see or talk to her and I do not have a problem with that but I have asked them if they run into her on a regular basis I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW ABOUT IT. we both live in a very small town and I am sure I will run into her but I have asked my friends if they run into her at the mall or something of the sort there is NO reason I need to know. Now I do not want them to lie to me or keep it from me if they hang out with her but I also dont need to know all the details. I feel like until my heart is healed I do not want to know her day to day business it only hurts me more. So my question to you guys, is this the wrong way to deal with it and should I not ask that of my friends?

I guess the way I look at it is, if one of them runs into her at a resturant why would they tell me???? unless she is with someone else or talking all about me there is no reason for them to tell me. I just makes me think about her THAT MUCH MORE.

does this make sense????

[astaro]

makes perfect sense to me.

[shes2smart]

If they're real friends, they won't want to do anything that's going to hurt you. At the same time, they may not know what hurts you unless you tell them.

 

I don't see where asking them to refrain from talking about her is that big a deal. Just explain that it's still too soon after the break-up, and it sets you back a bit.

 

If they can't be understanding about that, well...I might be looking for some friends who are a little more sensitive, y'know?

[confused82]

well, I have told them and they do slip sometimes. Such as a good friend of mine just broke up with her partner and called my ex and she felt as if she wanted to tell me and I was like, "listen I do not need to know that it only hurts me more to hear about her right now" they do respect that but I dont think they get it. My one friend tells me I should face it and it will only make me stronger but my opinion is you are not telling me anything significant so why would I need to know her day to day business.

My questions mainly was, is this okay to feel like I do not want to hear about her right now? I mean I know its okay but is it normal or should I face hearing about her????

[shes2smart]

If you're not ready to hear about her, you're not ready.

 

No one can make that determination but you.

 

Have you tried the, "She's my ex. What she does on a day to day basis in no longer any of my business or concern. Now, how 'bout (fill in with very obvious subject change here)" approach?

[confused82]

I sure have and some of the friends get it and others like I said they tell me I should face it head on......I dont get that and that comes from a girl who WANTS to always be friends with her ex's

[shes2smart]

Can you agree to disagree?

 

They're free to have an opinion on how you should be handling things, but you are free to ignore that opinion.

 

I'd tell 'em as much...but I'd try to do it in a humorous manner.

 

If they still didn't get it, I'd seriously consider finding some different folks to spend time with.

[confused82]

yes I think that is how I am going to handle it. I just wanted to make sure I wasnt out of the ordinary with my wishes. So other people handle their break ups in this way?

[shes2smart]

Well, out of all my previous relationships, I am "friends" with only ONE ex.

 

The rest, I have no desire to hear about, hear from, see, or know anything about at all.

 

Doesn't seem to have harmed my life any or harmed my ability to have a good, healthy relationship with my husband.

[Wandering_Sword]

Only do what you are comfortable with. There really is no need for you to justify anything to anyone. If you are not able to deal with information on your ex, no one should question it. Everybody should nod their heads in agreement.

what you are asking for is not unreasonable.

[confused82]

okay thank you guys!!!!