What's he thinking???

[catren]

So, I've had very little contact with my ex over the past 2 weeks. I've worked on letting him go and getting past the pain.

 

He calls tonight and asks me to come visit him this weekend because he misses me and doesn't think he will get over it. I said no and that is definite. I do get the sense that he may be regretting ending the relationship. He said he thinks he was probably wrong about everything. A month ago I would have loved to have heard all this stuff. But, now, it just ticks me off that when I truly needed him, he was cold and uncaring. Now with LC, he is warming up. I really think it may be too late to salvage everything because I don't think I could forgive him for the last 2 horrific months. How could I possibly trust him with my heart again???

[DN]

All I can advise you is to think carefully and don't do (or not do) anything that you might regret later. Decisions made in pain or anger are rarely good ones.

[catren]

Thanks DN. I know. I am thinking much more rationally these days, not in the place of pain I was in. I know that without him, I'll be okay. And I know that, if he asks for another chance, he would have to commit to a lot of work on his issues before I would consider it.

[shikashika]

I agree with DN... think about it...if he really wants to be back in your life there's going to be some serious explaining to do... but if he really really tries and you want him back give him ONE more chance

[Relationship Coach]

When you are ready to forgive him maybe then the two of you can give it another go. Holding that anger towards him will block the actual feelings which may come to surface later. Sometimes these breaks are needed to seek out a solution.

 

RC

[catren]

Well, I met up with S last night for a couple of hours as I was flying through his city. He thinks he may have made a big mistake with all of this, loves me, misses me, wants to get together to see where things go. I really don't know what I'm going to do. I did clearly tell him that nothing would change with us unless he was willing to get professional help to deal with his issues.

 

He certainly did point out that his head only cleared about us once I backed off on pressuring him. I moved to NC / LC for my own sanity as I started to accept that we were through. It helped clear my head enough to get rid of the desperation I was feeling. So, NC/LC was essential for both of us - I certainly did not see that at the time.

 

I don't know where we will go but, as I am thinking rationally now, I know that I won't take him back on just any terms. If I take him back, it will be because he's showed me that's he's willing to deal with the issues that caused him to walk away from me. Even then, there's no guarantee that we will work things out. But, NC/LC helped me realize that I will be okay no matter what happens. I needed to allow myself to feel the pain and accept the break up to start feeling better.

 

So, as many others have said, NC is a win-win situation. Even if your ex doesn't come back, you can start to feel better about things yourself. Of course, this depends on what you do during NC. NC needs to be about acceptance of what has happened.