My girlfriend is accused of cheating on me...

[WadeCure]

Long... I'm sorry... this is very immature drama too.

 

I believe my girlfriend may be cheating or may have cheated on me. I don't know what to do because there is no proof just substantial and mounting verbal evidence against her.

 

I have been groaning about her for a while for her being unaffectionnate towards me and dismissing of my feelings. Then of course I posted about her wanting to move in so early, and lately I posted about her wanting to marry me - and then crapping on a heartfelt letter I sent back to her. Now this may be the beginning of the end of our relationship because now it has come up that she may have or is currently cheating on me.

 

It all started last Friday when my girlfriend's friend and one of my best friends broke up. It is very clear that my girlfriend's friend is very immature and enjoys dramatic situations. Once she played a kindergarten-esque game of "I'm not going to be your friend because you are friends with her." Her name is (not her real name, but I want to use it for short hand) Stephanie. One of my best friends (well call him Adam, not his real name) has kind of dependency issues so he stayed in this messy relationship with Stephanie for quite a while. Finally, last Friday he got up enough nerve to end the relationship with her and move out of her house.

 

My girlfriend, her name is Melody (not her real name) went out to comfort her while I stayed over at her house last Friday night and slept. On Saturday, I had to go home and visit my family while Melody went out with her co-workers and partied at some night club. I've been very trusting of her up to this point and I haven't had even the slightest suspicion of any wrong doing. She gave me this story about how she came home drunk but lost her keys so she was stranded outside of her apartment for a while until apartment maintenance was able to resolve the problem.

 

The next day on Sunday my best friend Tony who has stood by me for years and has been there for me when I have been at my very lowest gave me a message online and said "hey man, we need to talk..." and nothing else. I was concerned so I replied to him, "sure, want me to call you?" He didn't reply because he had already left for his work for the evening so I gave him a call. He seemed concerned and when I asked he said "I'd prefer to wait till we are in person." I pressed him about what was going on, if it had something to do with me, or whatever - he said to me "I just prefer to talk in person, I need your opinion on something." I was nervous for the remainder of the night wondering what was going on. The next day he sent me another message saying that it was okay, that there was no rush and we could talk about it some other time. I said I would wait on him because I was concerned and it was ok. Melody and I had exchanged a few e-mails at work when I mentioned this:

 

"You can hang out with Stephanie tonight. It’s fine. I might be in late because I have to talk to Tony. Its up to you."

 

What happened next was an unbelievable reply:

 

"well i already know what you have to talk to Tony about and all i have to say is he needs to stay out of my f***ing business. you know what i did saturday night, i went out without my friends, then came home and had no keys. so if Tony wants to make something up in his mind to gossip about since hes apparently more of a girl than i am, then fine. but i have done nothing wrong. you know everything i did because i tell you. i dont have anything to hide. so you can tell Tony to stay out of my f***ing business. If he has something to say or ask me, he needs to talk to me, not go behind my back. I'm tired of him being bored and making s*** up. You know who I was with and what I did. If Tony apparently has nothing to do but make stuff up, then fine. But he needs to make it up about someone else. "

 

Then at work she called me after I was stunned and didn't reply. She called and said "I'm not cheating on you, I'm not cheating on you" on a voicemail in which she was absolutely balling her eyes out. I knew I needed to wait on Tony to give me what he knew. After work I was pretty upset so I called Adam and he said, "well.. Tony and I need to sit down and talk with you, apparently Melody's behavior has been questionable, we will piece the puzzle together tonight." After that I called Stephanie. I told her the following:

 

Stephanie. I don't know what to say. You know that I love Melody more than anything in this world. But if I dont' make her happy, just tell me now so I can move on.

 

Stephanie, Melody's best friend (and the one who apparently has spread about her infidelity to me) said this, and this is the kicker, remember this while you read:

 

Burgess, you know that Melody is my best friend. If I were you I would reevaluate your relationship with Melody. Don't tell her I told you this.

 

I told her I appreciated it and I hung up and jettisoned to Tony. I sat with him at his work and he told me everything he knew. He kept saying "it's all hear say, it's all hear say" and the reason why he didn't tell me sooner was because nothing was concrete. But he proceeded to tell me that he overheard Stephanie and Adam having a conversation which talked about Melody cheating on me. I am not sure the timeline of events, but somehow Tony was able to get Adam to talk to him about it. Apparently Stephanie had said to Adam that "he better not tell anyone or I'll never speak to him again" about Melody making out with some guy on Stephanie's bed during their supposed "girls night" in which it was those girls and "some guys" who Melody told me where there because they were Lindsay's (another not real name) friends with benefits. He went on to say something a bit more farfetched where Melody was trying to have sex with some other guy and that Stephanie and Adam had a bet how long she would be faithful to me.

 

So all day while this is going on Melody is acting super lovey dovey (where she has always been very unaffectionnate) saying she loves me and commenting on a picture of us on MySpace saying "I love this picture of us" etc while at the same time calling me crying about her not cheating, etc, about how my friend and Adam were trying to mess with her and Stephanie and "break them up," and that Stephanie would "never say those things about me." I never told her what Stephanie told me because I wanted to keep it in confidence because she requested.

 

I went to her apartment and she met me outside, she was being super affectionnate to me, very unusual because of her rare affection showing. She laid down on her couch on my lap and we talked. I told her I loved her more than anything, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, that my heart was hers... BUT - I had to protect myself. So I proceeded to tell her EVERYTHING minus what Stephanie told me. Then Melody said "it's all bull****" to me everytime I mentioned about it. She said that "Stephanie would never say that about me" while I shut up about what happened earlier in the day. She continued ad hominem attacks on Tony calling him a drama queen and etc. So I asked her, I said "I will only ask you this one time... is any of this, even in the slightest bit true?" She said "it's not." I told her that I believed her. After we made up... seemingly.

 

She proceeded to tell me she was unhappy with me because I'm super sensitive basically and that she didn't want to take care of me and I was being dependent. One of my worst nightmares is being dependent because it cost me my best friend. But I told her I would work on it, that I would go to therapy and see how I'm supposedly "projecting my problems out" to her. She then went on to say she felt like she was the man in our relationship and all sorts of things and that she couldn't handle it - but that she 'respected' me being myself after I unapologetically told her I'm a sensitive emotional guy. She said she wanted me to be more independent "like her". We agreed to work on the relationship. I don't know if this has any play in whats going on.

But last night I couldn't sleep. I was and still am angry because there are four people involved and one or more is lying.

 

I can say honestly without question that Tony and Adam are not of the type of people who would do this because they have been with me for years when I was depressed and I have enormous trust in them and they with me. I do not have any slightest bit of suspicion against them, they have been there for me time and time again and they do not stand to benefit from me suffering. So I decided I want to get to the bottom of this and learn the truth. I never told Melody I suspected her. Today I told her in a message after she said "i love you very very much and cant wait until we get everything straightened out. " :

 

Hey,

I wanted to tell you that today I need time alone to try to sort things out. I'm still shaken up so it wouldn't be a good idea since we agreed to work on the relationship for me to talk to you today because I'm afraid that, in the shape that I'm in, that it will cause problems. I just need to be independent today. I hope you understand.

I love you more than anything in this world.

Travis

 

Her reply:

 

well if thats how you feel, then thats what we'll do. i love you and just wish all this f***ing drama would be over. cant we just forget it all and be us again?

 

I didn't reply. A few hours later she sent another message: "will you go to church with me on sunday night? i want to go to Southlands 608 service." Then a text message on my phone "I love you." Then another message on my MySpace board, "your explanation of me cracks me up" and then a little bit later an e-mail: "don't freak out or take this the wrong way. I feel everyone would be happier if I wasn't in the picture." And then finally another text message: "love you bunches." Several messages today after I told her that. I still haven't replied.

 

Tonight I'm talking to Tony and Adam. I don't intend to talk to Melody today.

 

I can't get what Stephanie said out of my mind. I have no proof of it. But Stephanie, Melody, and Lindsay are "wild" I guess you could say.

 

Note what Stephanie said and nobody said anything about Saturday night.

 

What do I do?

[agent1607307371]

Dump her.

 

You don't trust her and are taking everybody elses word as being worth more than hers.

There's no proof of wrong-doing but the word of one questionable source.

 

 

 

Adam had a bet how long she would be faithful to me

.

That is not the action of a good friend btw.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Okay, I remember your previous threads - I am not going to comment in detail, but...I don't know; to be honest, I think you're not happy at all with your girlfriend, are you?

 

Leave aside the question of fidelity and trust, but the way she reacted was pretty horrible - she *attacked* you.

 

 

 

I find this very critical and hurtful - and just as a quick note, what is she planning to do to work on the relationship?

 

I woudl think long and hard about this - because her reaction to me seems hostile and attacking you. And you don't seem happy, do you?

 

Difficult one though - I hope you work your way through this!

[Rabican]

Even if she didnt cheat, you dont trust her... which is a huge problem. There must be a reason for that. Secondly, you have a big problem, shes not happy with YOU the way you are. She wants you, but she wants YOU to change. Meaning... shes really looking for a different kind of guy. Do you want to change who/ what you are for her? IF you do, make sure you are doing it for you, and not just for her. You wont be happy otherwise.

 

My vote would be to dump her.... but then again I dont love her... so its easier said than done. If you want to work things out, Id say just work on working past this... but keep your eyes open and ears clean so you dont miss anything out of the ordinary.

 

Also... it might not hurt to do some investigating... check emails, phone messages etc.... however if you are wrong about her cheated then you just shot yourself in the foot if you get caught.

[doyathink]

Wow!

Ok, to me.....she is acting over dramatic. If she didn't do anything...I would think she would tell you...no, I didn't cheat on you, PERIOD!

But instead, she is over reacting which usually shows guilt.

 

And...this is the kicker...she knew what you were going to talk to Tony about BEFORE YOU KNEW! Dont you find that odd that she knew what he had to tell you b4 he told you.....as in, she knew that HE knew?

 

I think she did it...regrets it...doesn't want to lose you...and will lie about it till the cows come home.

[thisisjustsowrong]

Wow!

And...this is the kicker...she knew what you were going to talk to Tony about BEFORE YOU KNEW! Dont you find that odd that she knew what he had to tell you b4 he told you.....as in, she knew that HE knew?

 

Yeah, how did she know what Tony was going to say to you? That seems very suspicious. And even her friend is sort of warning you about her.

 

I think along the same lines with doyathink. She is being overdramatic which in itself is suspicious. You know what they say, where there is smoke,...

[RayKay]

Wade,

 

In the context of this, and your previous posts....whether she is cheating or not (I suspect she is up to something though given her reaction and now her sudden "affection" which I sense is more manipulation) that she is terribly immature and dramatic. For her...love is about drama, and not giving. And...that will ultimately make you a miserable person because she is not loving you for YOU....she is loving what drama and "proof" of your love she gets when she throws you these antics and games.

 

My advice is similar to before....be careful of staying because you fear being alone, and have nothing to compare it too. Be careful of blurring those feelings you got losing your viriginity with her of real love between the two of you.

 

Honestly, she sounds like a very immature girl at this point, with no concept of mutual love, of respect and so on.

 

And I am quite sure she did cheat based on the reaction to it all from her.

[The_Unknown_Reader]

As a few others have said, her over dramatic response, and the idea that she knew what Travis was going to tell you are HIGHLY suspicious.

 

I remember that my wife and I were out with another married couple a few years back. The wife of the other couple had a few drinks and was a little inebriated when she just kept saying over and over again "I didn't do anything, just ask, I didn't do anything." The funny part was no one had said anything to anyone that night about ANYONE doing anything. No conversation was even close to that.

 

Oddly enough, he found out later she had been cheating on him. And even better than that, my wife ended up cheating on me with him. So the Jerry Springer story goes.

 

In any event, if people have nothing to hide they are usually not that defensive. Dig if you must to find proof, but you should be careful with her and might want to take precautions for yourself to protect against contracting STDs. Getting tested wouldn't hurt either.

 

I also find that if she's hanging out with "wild" people, she's probably acting the same...

 

As for me, I found out about my wife's infidelity about 7 years later after her second affair, I should have been more suspicious then.