Lost..

[Vynde]

Hello all.

 

It’s been almost 6 months since my wife left me. Needless to say, in the beginning I was barley audible and lacked the desire to do anything, including the will to live..

 

I have come a long was since those dreadful days. It forced me to take a long hard look at my life and what it is I need to do in order to help myself move on and most importantly improve myself.

 

Lately however, I have become depressed again, forcing myself to push those thoughts back best I know how.. They linger, creeping to the surface to matter how hard I try..

 

I feel like a lost soul looking for something. I feel out of place and am having a lot of trouble adapting to the new life I’m faced with. Even during a good day, I can feel that familiar pain lurking within..

 

I’m trying everything I know, applying the advice I gained not only from this forum but friends, family and professionals alike..

 

I feel like I waiting for something…

 

Can anyone relate to this?

 

I know I was deeply in love with my wife and I know that healing takes time.. I just dont feel right – I feel so lost.

 

Thanks for lending the ear, or in this case eye.

 

John.

[Jetta]

I can totally relate to this. I've lost everything. I was a mom from age 21 until 32. Now I'm not, my kids are still alive I'm sort of a mom but not the kind I wanted to be or even was. That has been the most difficult and unexplainable loss in my life. Not only that but I've also lost my mind, it's returning but still talk about a black mark, it has me doubting if I really can pull through this time. And I don't like the option of not making it.

 

In your case there will be another woman, another wife. Focus on your career. At least it'll get your mind off your problems. I know for me I didn't want a future for a long time so I gave up entirely. Well I realized I was going to live and I better make the most of it. Now I'm working on planning a brighter future, only I don't feel so pressured anymore. I failed miserably now I can relax and succeed (the turtle won the race right?).

 

Start planning a future, focus on the good things in your life now, and build from there. It's hard when the loss or losses are deep. Take some time to grieve but allow yourself to progress. I got no sympathy with my losses because they were all my fault (everyone said). A loss is still a loss and the pain can put you close to death, but you'll survive, you sort of have to, so then what will you do? Move on eventually, build a new life with someone new, etc.

[Vynde]

Thanks Jetta,

 

I guess the deeper, the longer it takes to heal..

 

I guess what scares me is that I do have good things going for me, I have great family, great Friends, a good job and good health - I tell myself, those things are good and not everyone is fortunate enough to even have that much..

 

I should be happy, I have so much to look forward too, yet I'm not. I just feel sad all the time..

 

Thanks for your advice.

[Biffy]

Hey John,

 

I'm just dashing off home for the day and will reply to you later but in the mean time have a big manly bear-hug.

 

You're getting there bro, little by little. Just think how far you've come.

[SeaBisquit]

yes, it's always scary to deal with changes that we have to face in our life. you had a life with someone else in which you did things together now you are faced with doing things alone.

[Me and myself]

Vynde, my dear friend

 

I'm so sorry you feel so sad.

I can see, from your words, that you have done the most important thing: to look to yourself and for improvement. To do that you had to look for yourself and what you have done. That's the most important thing since you can take all the lessons to be used in your future.

I understand how you feel...you have inside of you a lot of love to give to someone who really don't want to accept it. And I know, that hurts a lot...you don't need to push those thoughts back, you just need to feel them and take them all out..cry, scream, write them, but don't hold them inside of you...maybe that's why start to feel depressed after 6 months.

One month ago I used to cry everytime I wanted to to...I had the need to take all these feeling form inside of me, every single thing made me feel like crying and I took all the opportunities I could get. It relieved so much, just like I was leting all the pressure inside to go out.

Keep busy during the day, force yourself not to think about your wife...save it to the night time, when you have free time and don't know what to do with it. Take that free time to let all your feelings go out so that you can face a new day tomorrow.

 

Thanks for lending the ear, or in this case eye.

In spite of all, I can see you haven't lost your sense of humor. That's a positive thing!

 

Good luck and stay strong here with us!

[houdini]

Vynde,

 

how you holdin up??? Hopefully tomorrow will be a better part of the emotional rollercoaster. I wanted to ask you if you got any closure on why she left if it was another guy or not? Have you learned anything new as to why she really left? I know during breakups things are so cloudy at first but as time goes by the truth starts to rise to the top as to why they really left us. Let me know the latest!!!

 

Thanks,

 

Houdini

[icarus27]

Glad to see you checking in, man.