Long distance? mid-life?

[BrendaBean]

Hello everyone.

 

This is my first post and I'm not sure if this is the correct forum to post this, but here goes.

 

I've been in a long-distance relationship (me: usa him: india) for about a year and a half now. Since the beginning, our relationship has been so intense and our feelings for each other have always been very, very strong.

 

I had a birthday about 3 weeks ago and received a warm and loving call from him and everything appeared to be fine. We've never, since the time we've been together, disconnected the phone without saying "I love you." He has always been very affectionate in that regard and is more verbal than even I am.

 

About a week after my birthday though, I tried to call and he was not reachable. I became worried and sent him an urgent text message to call me. After calling me back and finding out I just wanted to know if he was safe, he abruptly told me that he was busy and that he'd call tomorrow.

 

The next day he sent a message saying that he was too busy to call and for me to stop calling and that he needed time to "think about his life". I asked if he was breaking up with me and he responded by saying "i need to think about that." I was literally shocked and dumbfounded. I called him and he told me that everything in his life is going wrong; he's confused; his business is failing (he's a travel agent) and he doesn't know what to do. He's adamant about not having someone else and that he just needs some time away from everything. He said that sometimes he just wants to DIE! What is going ON?!

 

Right now he's back home with his parents in another part of the country and will be there on his birthday next week (he'll turn 30) and I will be calling him then. He constantly says he doesn't want to break up, but he needs time to be alone right now. From what I can gather, I really do think there is something deeper going on and I am actually worried. It sounds like he's having a midlife crisis at 29 or maybe some other life-altering event, but I have no idea WHY. . and apparently neither does he.

 

Also, if it there is something serious going on, is it right for me to just walk away? Or should I just give him that space that he says he needs and MAYBE he'll snap out of it? What if he doesn't? How long should I really wait? Also, what if everything goes back to the way they were a few weeks ago. .is this something now I should just "expect" if I want to be with him?

 

Sorry for the novel.

[thisisjustsowrong]

Hello everyone.

 

He said that sometimes he just wants to DIE! What is going ON?!

 

 

This had me worried. I guess he is going through some sort of depression thing. When you next call him, instead of being confrontational, try to be supportive. Say that if he needs space you are willing to give it to him but that you just want to help and support him if something is wrong. Make it clear to him that you are there for him if he wants to share his problems.

 

Having said that, (if he does not have depression or something like that)having problems in life is not a reason to distance yourself from your loved one. It may be that he is going through midlife crisis but he also said he is thinking of breaking up with you. So prepare yourself for that as well.

 

At this point don't think about how long you should wait etc. Just try to understand what the problem is. or if it is really something serious.

[BrendaBean]

This had me worried.

 

you and me both.

 

I guess he is going through some sort of depression thing. When you next call him, instead of being confrontational, try to be supportive. Say that if he needs space you are willing to give it to him but that you just want to help and support him if something is wrong. Make it clear to him that you are there for him if he wants to share his problems.

 

i'm trying to stay positive and supportive, but my emotions are so up and down right now and i'm honestly just confused about how i'm supposed to feel. one part of my is understanding, another is cynical about this whole space thing, another is PISSED that he would pull this kinda crap so far into it. . on and on.

 

Having said that, (if he does not have depression or something like that)having problems in life is not a reason to distance yourself from your loved one. It may be that he is going through midlife crisis but he also said he is thinking of breaking up with you. So prepare yourself for that as well.

 

i understand where you're coming from and i agree. one thing i'm trying to do is find a balance between making excuses for him and having patience with him through whatever it is he is going through because i love him and want to be there for him.

 

At this point don't think about how long you should wait etc. Just try to understand what the problem is. or if it is really something serious.

 

that makes sense. thank you so much for your advice!

[thisisjustsowrong]

i'm trying to stay positive and supportive, but my emotions are so up and down right now and i'm honestly just confused about how i'm supposed to feel. one part of my is understanding, another is cynical about this whole space thing, another is PISSED that he would pull this kinda crap so far into it. . on and on.

 

one thing i'm trying to do is find a balance between making excuses for him and having patience with him through whatever it is he is going through because i love him and want to be there for him.

 

I completely understand. It's a very hard situation to be in. It's hard not to have suspicions but just that line alone about him wanting to die sometimes, tells me there is something serious going on. For now give him the benefit of the doubt and be supportive and encourage him to confide in you regardless of your confusion. It's so hard to make something of it without knowing what the problem is. I wish you the best of luck. I hope everything turns out ok in the end.

[BrendaBean]

thanks so much!