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One of the worst days EVER today...


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Today was such a crappy day. I'm doing so horribly in school. I wish I could be smart and orderly like the rest of them, but I guess when god was hardwiring my left and right brains, he was thinking about the time satan created atheism. I failed a test in Vietnamese, and failed my Constitution test in political science. I'm tired of flunking all the time. It makes me feel like I'm extremely stupid (which I am). It's way too late to withdraw and take new classes; and if I withdraw now, my mom will get extremely mad at me. Why can't I just be stable and happy like I'm supposed to be like everyone else? Why was I put in this pitiful excuse as a human being just to be tortured like Verne playin monkey in the middle with Magic Johnson and Michael Jordan? I just slammed the door into my head several times because I'm stupid, and choked myself with my belt (but stopped when I realized I'm too cowardly to end it all.) All I'm good for is a stupid guitar, and I can't even do that right.


Not only that, but I've been trying really hard to get a job... I can't even land a lousy interview. And no, it's not because of my "attitude" or whatever, it's because all places care about is job experience. So I'm screwed for the rest of my life. I hate it!


Crap. I want to die.


And yes. I know how much worse others have it. That just makes me more depressed.

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I'm failing two classes this quarter. Both of them are program classes and are supposed to be real easy. I feel like an idiot too. And why are you worried if you're mom will be mad at you? I used to do the same thing, then I realized that it's my education not hers. I stopped telling her about my grades because it was just extra stress.


And four years ago, I spent an entire year trying to find a job. I went to walmart, office depot, the little ghetto post office place, all kinds of banks...didn't get anything. It was a time when taking personality tests instead of a proper interview, were real popular. I was way too honest on those tests. It's a crappy feeling when a place you feel is beneath you, won't hire you.


But I guess in the long run it was a good thing. Don't give up with the job hunt. Eventually you'll find a job that's perfect for you.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Reading this post and thinking back over the last post of yours that I responded to, I really think that part of your problem is your negative outlook. You seem obsessed with finding something wrong with yourself, and it sounds like you're using school as evidence that there is something wrong.


Of course something is seriously wrong with me! If there wasn't, I'd be completely happy and easy to amuse all the time!


Well, just about everyone else can do well in school, but I just can't cut it. my life savings goes to the one that can make me feel better.

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Have you tried getting a job at a restaurant or something like that? Because I got a job at Chuck E Cheese's once, even though I had zero job experience. I didn't accept the job, but at least it was offered (I had an interview and everything). There are a lot of websites out there where you can find jobs like that.


I got a C and a D on two of my midterms, both of which were worth 30%, which means that I'm already screwed in 2 of my classes. Sure, it was depressing, for like, a few hours, but seriously.. 10 years from now, am I going to remember this? No. Unless it's something permanent like your arm getting cut off, you shouldn't let it affect you that much. That's my perspective, anyway

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Well whenever "we compare we will despair" so just accept that not EVERYONE does well in school, so many accomplished people never even made it into college, let alone through it.. academics is NOT a measure of intelligence... it's just a measure of "comprehension and memorizing" at times..


so give yourself a break, this world is waaaay bigger than school.. but for right now you are focused on trying to do the best you can, no matter how it compares to anyone else, just find pride in your "effort".. that alone is a sign of intelligence, and music, especially guitar.. is a sign of your creativity.. it's not about doing it BETTER THAN SOMEONE ELSE, it's about doing the best you can.. so many accomplished musicians can not even read music, but their passion, thier EFFORT is what separates them from the rest...


You can choose to look at this as the worst possible scenario or please, continue to write about it, and express all your self doubts, and really write down the struggle you have within yourself on a day to day basis, keep writing it, until you have about ten pages, then send it to a publisher... any and every publisher, look on the internet for "publishing addresses to editors" and maybe all the angst and sadness you have experienced can be so helpful for others, there are so many people who feel alone in their depression, you can be so effective in expressing the cycle your mind gets into.. have you ever thought of taking a class in 'Psychology"...


you could be so powerful in helping others by trying to understand, forgive and love yourself enough to try to discover why you feel the way you do, becuase as you said, many people go through this, and why is that others seem to find there way out of it on a day to day basis enough to smile and let it go?


Well you might be able to help find that answer, because you're an "insider" of the depressive state, and so many people need help in this area... you have so much personal power to make a difference even in one life, and that is precious, so try to find something that interests you, whether you "good at it" or not, it's about the 'effort'.. not the outcome.. trust this,, live in the moment, in the present, that is a gift, that is why it's called "the present".


Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, so for today, take the present and keep writing all your feelings out, don't judge yourself, just write, write, write, you are expressive and creative I can tell from what you have written here, use that talent.. to express yourself. and to help others.


Is there a school newspaper you could intern on? Make an effort to write about 'stress at school".. you might even be able to make it a column, that so many could relate to.. you're not alone, but know that so many people believe they are, so you can make a difference by expressing yourself through writing, a book, a paper, a song.. write, write, write, express yourself.. it's wonderful...

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I just re-read your first paragraph on this thread, and YOU can write well, and you do express yourself in an honest and creative way, I could just imagine your first paragraph in a school newspaper, or in any paper and how powerful and relatable it could be to so many. KEEP writing... you're talented.

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Of course something is seriously wrong with me! If there wasn't, I'd be completely happy and easy to amuse all the time!



Ohhhhh... such an unrealistic idea.

Hard work is required for that! Thats the only trick you need to know. Feeling good is day to day effort......you need to fulfill your need for love, power, sucess, fun...in equal amounts divided in small portions during the week.

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