I'm So Lost

[mholstrom]

Hi All,

 

I'm new here, and pretty lost as to what I should do in my situation.

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. In the course of those 3 years, we have had MANY difficulties, yet many great times. He used to seriously verbally abuse me, and he would hook up with other women from online when we were having problems.

 

That was about 1 year ago, and since he has 'behaved' and lost most of his verbal abuse towards me.

 

To sum up the story sum, I basically saved his life from something he got involved with, and he tells me almost everyday of his love and gratefulness.

 

He was SO against marriage, kids, moving in together before, and two weeks ago he told me he wants me as his wife, we will get engaged, etc....

 

He's moving back south (we live in LA) to clear his head and handle his family's finances for a year. He told me about the marriage idea because he wanted me to rest assured that he's changed his ways, he wants me in his life (for a year it will be long distance) and he loves me so much. I do have many insecurities that stem from what he's done to me in the past, but he hasn't cheated or done anything to hurt me lately, so it's my issues. I ask him to support me and work through this issue with me, but he's losing it over my constant "issues."

 

SO, we were in the car yesterday, I made an unwise comment, and he told me to "shut the f--- up!!" He kept yelling at me, and I started crying and defending myself. SO, he takes my hair and pulls it VERY hard and shakes my head around. IT HURT. Then, I tried to talk again, he said, "shut up, shut up!!" He then took my hair again and shoved my head into the dashboard and shook my head around. I was SO scared. He physically abused me once in 3 years, and this is the second time.

 

Should I stay with this man and just work on my issues, or will he get worse if I plan a future with a man that's capable of verbally, and physically abusing me. When I'm not making stupid comments like I have a lot, he's sweet, kind, and affectionate. Please help me, I'm so lost and don't know what to do.

[Daddy Bear]

Oh, my God... get away from this man.

[DN]

I am so sorry. You may love him but you should leave him and never look back.

[Akatea]

A year is not long enough in my opinon. My BF cheated on me, that was two years ago. We have been together for three like yourself. And since he has again proven to you that he is not worthy of your love and trust, then I would have to agree with the others. Time to move on. As much as it will hurt, it needs to be done sweetie...

[sophie274]

Please leave him, right now. Do you have friends or family in your area you could go stay with?

[bih2003]

Honey - he has internal issues, he is not a man of control. He will abuse you later in life. My advice to you is that he never was kind or nice or anything he was abusive ,verbally and physically now. U are just in love and think he is KIND AND NICE! Leave him now or you will have lots and lots of problems in the future. You seem very nice . If he told me shut the * * * * up etc. i would punch him in the face.Advice: No matter what you have been through with him , what happened in the past look at what is now! THAT IS NOT LOVE! he is lying to you because he doesnt have anyone else to abuse. All the girls he cheated on u with prob saw what he is and kicked his * * * to the curb! I would run farrrrrrr away dear! Ur much muchhhhhhhh better than that! HORRIBLE SITUATION! if you think u will change him or he might get better! HE WONT only maybe worse to you and ur future kids. stay away from the problem. He deserves a girl that can beat his * * * around lol... I am a kickboxer i would have beaten him blue if he did that to me. DUMP HIM NOW , dont answer his calls, go out, meet people that are nice, dont tell any new guys of ur past that might drive them away , keep ur secrets to urself because ppl use it against u. dont answer him anymore, when he begs to see u say NO U CAN NOT! no matter how much pain u feel u need to be with him or u love him say NO NO NO NO NO! I have control over myself i will not sink that low.Best of luck! STAY AWAYS FROM THAT unless u want to end up in big problems and hurt come home not to a loving husband but a battering husband that tells u bad words infront of u , ur kids, ur parents, ur friends and etc. GET RID OF HIM NOW ITS NOT TOO LATE!

[mholstrom]

Thank you all so very much. I am so grateful I found this site, and all of you wonderful people.

I posted here with the thought that maybe if I didn't nag him or constantly bring up the past that actually wasn't so far away, he wouldn't have to yell at me. I know i have some issues, but I know deep down, even after the verbal abuse, and the 2 physical encounters, that a man that truly loved me, or was capable of a healthy relationship, would never think of treating me that way. I apologize fromt the bottom of my heart so many times, and he is deaf to the apology, and continues to throw it in my face.

Only when hours have past, and the damage is done, does he say sorry for his actions.

Thank you all SO MUCH. Each of you who've posted gave me strength beyond what I knew I had.