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She is having doubts about her feelings for me...

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Over a month ago my best friend and I kissed for the first time and fell in love with each other. We have been very close friends for many years and practically spent all our time together before we were in a relationship.


About 2 weeks into our relationship she went out of town to visit family on vacation. When she got back she told me that she was doubting her feelings for me but that she did not want to end the relationship because she wants to give it time and see if her feelings change. She says she wants to wait because she believes that it is worth it and I believe that she is being honest and sincere.


It has been 3 weeks since then and we have continued to hang out together and go out practically every day. We have not had any physical contact since then other than an occasional hug or caress or leaning on one another... which is ok by me.


She says that she still feels the same but wants to continue to wait. I would wait for her forever because I love her more than anything and I know she is the only one for me. It is just very difficult sometimes and I have no one to talk to about it.


I don't want to rush her and I want her to feel comfortable around me.

I think she is just a little freaked about the whole committment thing (I am her first boyfriend).


What should I do?

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I'm not sure if I can offer any good advice about your situation. I can only relate to you my experiences. It will be up to you to decide what to do from there. But I hope it will put into your mind possible outcomes and solutions.


I too fell in love with a good friend of mine. In fact, we both fell in love with each other. We were involved with other people at the time we fell for each other, but we moved seemlessly from deep friendship to pure love, passionate and true. For awhile, it was a beautiful and magical time. But it wasn't meant to last. I distinctly remember the last day we had a good time with each other, and of all days, it was the day before Christmas.


After that day, I sensed something had happened. She just seemed a little more distant, a little less caring, a little more concerned about us rather than celebrating us. She then went to visit her folks for a week, and when she came back, it all started to go downhill (what is it about visits with folks?...parents can make you feel guilty but....I don't understand).


To this day, I'm not sure what happened. Everything seemed to be going right, but it all fell apart so quickly. We tried to remain friends, but we couldn't. She stopped hanging out with me, stopped talking to me about her life, stopped asking me for advice. She started to hang around with some of my friends, laughing, doing things with them that she used to do with me. She would laugh heartily at other peoples jokes and seek their advice, but she and I could not even have a decent conversation with each other. Of course, my confusion and jealously started to rise. She started to get sick of convincing me that we were still "soulmates." In the end, we completely broke apart and couldn't even talk to each other. We were nothing, not even friends, and she made it a point to say that to me explicitly a few times. She said "what was the point."


She finally left for an overseas position, and I will probably never see her again. I tried to reconcile things with her, but she wanted absolutely no part of it. On the day before she left, our mutual friends threw her a party. I felt suffocated and sick by it all, and at the end, I got so angry, I punched a metal door a few times and nearly broke my hand (it got all puffy, bleeding, stiff...I was lucky it didn't break...but it felt good getting all that frustration out). I returned to her a gift she gave me for Christmas, some recordings that she said made her feel very special once in her life, like I was making her feel. I felt it was better off with her for her to keep when she went off.


Moral? None. I think it just wasn't meant to be, and our beginnings as friends and "soulmates" made the ultimate end that much more painful. A breakup with a girl is bad, a breakup with a true friend is excruciatingly painful. It sounds like your friend wants some space to think it through. But the only advice I can give is to live your life too. Don't dwell on it. Meet other people, exercise, go out, hang with groups of people that do not include her. Don't be her emotional punching bag and don't be the one she goes to only when things go bad for her. You need to live your life too, and if she feels any doubts about her feelings for you, you need to explore your feeling for her too. You need to be strong and independent (besides, women really, really, really don't like weak guys who need need need all the time). When she sees that from you, that strength, and she really truly loves you, she will be back. If not, that independence will help you to move on and find a new person.



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20bean, very interesting story. How old are you guys? You bring up a good point(being her first boyfriend) that she may not know herself and what her feelings really mean. Lots of women subscribe to the "what if" reasoning. "What if" someone else could be better for me - be more right for me. Especially for women going into their first relationship where they find out how they want a man to treat them.


Yet, there is no doubt that you have a solid foundation here which is a major plus. Your ability to communicate feelings is a strength and I think you need to tap that more here. You cannot stop your growth as a person as your partner waits to figure out your feelings. Wait, but don't blindly wait, for she might say friends is all she wants in the end. I am a believer that if it is meant to be, love will find a way. So if you can continue to be with her in this waiting period, do so and have your usual fun. But be weary of what is best for you.

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