Ex text

[darkpumpkin]

It's been a week and my ex contacted me last night. He text me that a moive that had come out was like my favorite video game. Here's how the conversation whent.

 

Him: "300 is like god of war on big screen"

 

Me: "Awsome! how's it going?"

 

Him: "Not bad, you"

 

Me: "About the same"

 

Him: "Ahh"

 

Me: "How's your knee's"

 

Him: "Creaky as ever lol"

 

Me: "Aww lol"

 

Him: "What I can I say I'm old"

 

Me: "True but young at heart"

 

Him: "Maybe lol"

 

I left it after that. I'm not sure what to do. What does it mean? I don't want to have hope....but I do. Please let me know what you think.

[honeyspur]

It means time has passed and hard feelings have subsided.

It is common once this has occurred that the ex feels safe enough to regain the friendship part of your relationship.

And, looking at your response, it was the right thing to do.

 

Don't have hope - that could make you act/talk/be different around him instead of being the real you which isn't centered around romance. You have many parts to you - be all of it.

 

I would go see the film (if you haven't already) and send him some similar texts.

DO NOT start up a constant communication because becoming friends with an ex needs to go slowly.

 

Good luck.

[darkpumpkin]

You think after only a week and dating for 5 months that he's just ready to be friends. I don't get it. He didn't talk to me for the whole week then I sent him this text on Saturday.

 

"You put up with a lot from me and I want to say thank you. I know you have moved on and I won't bother u again but I just wanted to thank you".

 

Since then he text me Sunday and just emailed me at work this morning.

[honeyspur]

Well, you'll have to excuse me - I see now you started your post with "it's been a week".

I agree - that is too soon. I think if it had been, let's say a month, it would be more understandable.

 

My advice would be to remain casual and not initiate anything. If it gets to be too painful, consider NC (again, if you tried before).

However - if you have an honest feeling in your heart to try and be friends - then go ahead with it.

But if the feeling says "I want him back" - you could be clear with him next time he texts.

"I appreciate your kindness and hope to resume some kind of friendship later - but now I need space." or something along those lines.

 

Good luck and sorry for the misunderstanding!

[darkpumpkin]

But you still hold true to the fact he is just looking for friends? I don't want to pressure him or bring in up, Fact is in that week I learned that I am worthy of so much including him making the move if he wants more then friends. I expressed to him before that I wanted him back.

[honeyspur]

No - I definitely agree with your instinct that he may be trying to get back - but as you so intelligently stated - he needs to do something other than cute, non-chalant texts. He also may be feeling guilty. AND he may just want to be friends - you need to ask him blatently if you start getting texts like this a lot. "You're confusing me - what is going on?" Something like that.

 

I think you have a very clear mind from your conclusions about how you deserve the proper way of communicating.

Vagueness is not what you need - so stick to your guns.

I also have read a lot of your posts and see you give fantastic advice.

Sometimes when I am feeling unsure - I look back on posts I've given to others, to see if maybe I know advice to my own problem.

It happens sometimes, so it's just a thought.

 

Mostly what I'm saying is you are correct to be cautious. Keep your level head and things should be ok.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

See, this is what burns me up about ex's contacting. Especially when the person does the contacting is the person whom ended the relationship.

 

My friend, he is acting like as if nothing ever happened. Like, he can go ahead, end the relationship, have everything all fine and dandy and then contact you a week later like all is well. Aren't you in the least a bit angry about his nonchalant-ness? He is testing you, testing the waters with you to see where he stands in your life. And because you engaged in this texting conversation with him, you have re-enforced to him that is okay for him to act how he pleases and you will be okay with it. Are you okay with it? If you are, then carry on. If not, it would make sense to ignore his attempts to contact you. Or until you feel healed enough to be in contact with him.

 

It is my feeling you are not ready because you reading too much into his actions over this past weekend. Hang in there okay?

[darkpumpkin]

Honestly a part of me is reading into them and then apart of me is holding to the strength that the relationship I had was a learning curve to prepare me for the future man of my dreams. It doesn't make me angry because Kellbell as you know i lived through an ex contacting me when he was just using me. I have written back when I want and stopped also when I have wanted.

[blender]

Do NOT initiate any contact.. you did well in just being lite and polite in response to his "movie text".. and you "let go" of the texting early and that was wise, but just "let go' now, do NOT initiate contact with him, and also realize that if he does contact you again in a "friendly way".. you can set some standards/values for your own heart by simply replying with, "I have to respectfully ask you, what are you intentions in contacting me again?"

 

If you want to know "why" he's contacting you, then you must have the self respect to ask in a confident boundary type of way, otherwise you run the risk of "defining yourself" as a "buddy" whom he can text once in awhile, is that who you wish to be in his life? If not, then don't choose actions/behaviors that allow this to happen if it's NOT sincerely what you are hoping for... because IF you want to be taken seriously for a potential reconciliation, you will have to set some boundaries, and know what YOU want from all this.. and then to "let go" if he is not willing to make an intentional sincere effort to work on being in a couple with you..right?

[darkpumpkin]

So if I know I don't want to be friends right now I should just reply to the next time he contacts me "May I ask you what your intentions are to be contacting me?" and if he replies "I thought we would be friends"

[darkpumpkin]

I don't want to be his buddy. So no one here thinks he may after a week just miss me? He didn't break up with me. It was in a sense mutual.

[honeyspur]

Well, missing you in what sense, though?

Naturally he must miss something - but you don't know what unless you ask. Is it just sex? Is it simply something familiar since things have changed now and you are no longer together? Is it the great way you communicate? Is it the safety he felt in you as a person and not a lover?

Is he realizing you are "the one" and wants to fight for the relationship?

These are good questions because it could be any of these.

There is nothing wrong with being clear and blatent to get the answers you need. He seems casual so it might feel better to mirror that - but your questions are valid.

You can say any single thing to him and it's ok because it's the truth.

If you just want to know if he misses you - ask and stay strong if he says no. Start the communication about it if you WANT.

It doesn't necessarily need to be a big deal, as you know. It could be the beginning of a dialog that needs to happen.

[darkpumpkin]

Yes. I guess it comes down to wanting to know his intentions. I don't want to hear what I already know quite yet so I will leave it till he decides to contact me again. I mean how much does someone really want you back if they email you to tell you they don't feel good.

[honeyspur]

Yes. I guess it comes down to wanting to know his intentions. I don't want to hear what I already know quite yet so I will leave it till he decides to contact me again. I mean how much does someone really want you back if they email you to tell you they don't feel good.

 

 

LOL - EXACTLY.

[kellbell]

Hey may miss having you around but he may not miss you. See the difference? There was nothing in those texts he sent you that implied he misses you or wants to start over. He thanked you for putting up with him. I might add that anything serious and heartfelt should not be done via texting. It should be done in person or phone, preferably in person.

[darkpumpkin]

Ya that's what I'm thinking. I'm not looking for a text buddy. And quite frankley if he misses me just not misses that I'm there he will not just stop contact. i was foolish once believing that because someone didn't come out and say they wanted me they still did. That is not the case. If this boy wants me the only way I can give to him he will make an effort or just ask me.

[darkpumpkin]

You guys are to good. He's still on the dating site and sending to roses to people. Plus he's on more favorite's lists. I had to look. I thought if maybe he deleted it he would be seriouse but he's not. he's just using me to fill in the lonely spaces.

[kellbell]

"If this boy wants me the only way I can give to him he will make an effort or just ask me."

 

That's the spirit! And please, please...for your sake, stick to this!

[honeyspur]

"If this boy wants me the only way I can give to him he will make an effort or just ask me."

 

That's the spirit! And please, please...for your sake, stick to this!

 

 

Yeah - that's genius thinking!