Insecure, Not-Confident, Angry, Jealous..but I'm Nice

[musicguy]

The feelings mentioned in the title, I am and it's affecting my life and my relationships with women. I am at a loss to find out what to do about my insecurities with myself. My trust issues with women are very prominent when I get into relationships. I generalize women when I get into any relationship because of the way I've been treated in the past and I'm trying not to do this .because not all women are the same, yet, in my mind I feel that they are all going to treat me the same as my ex's have.

 

Jealousy, yeah I get jealous a lot in my relationships. If the person who I am with has a lot of guy friends or hangs with guys, I freak out that they are going to leave me for one of them.

 

Anger--I've had female co-workers tell me that I'm an angry person, that I'm a tickin timebomb. I get angry at females, even at work. Because of how females have treated me way back in school.

 

I don't know what to do about all of these issues, does anyone have any suggestions for me? I feel as if I have been ruining my life and my relationships because of these things. Thanks

[Honey Pumpkin]

Anger--I've had female co-workers tell me that I'm an angry person, that I'm a tickin timebomb. I get angry at females, even at work. Because of how females have treated me way back in school.

 

Big sign that you need to sort this out - as you know! Anger is hard to describe, but we have all met angry people, and know how offputting/scary that vibe can be. Especially if it's strong enough that it's directed to all women, even co-workers.

 

Have you seen a counsellor/therapist to talk through these issues? That might well be the way to go for you, if it's such a big deal that other people are commenting on it. And as you say, you don't want it ruining your life and relationships. It sounds like your trust issues are really deeply embedded, and it's affecting you to an extent that it's actually impacting on your work life - not good.

 

But you have identified the problem, and you will be able to work past it - you have the will and the desire to do so, which has to be the main part of the battle.

 

Good luck

[FortunateOne]

HP is right. It's a negative vibe to hate women and the world. Positive confidence is awesome as a "babe magnet" and this is, I believe, what you seek. Yet this takes time to develop and "A LOT" of hard work from you. How can I say this? Guess what, I used to be like you.

 

Now how did I overcome this hatred for women? I had to search deep into my childhood to recognize and admit the "evil" things that happened to me because of the situations, beliefs and treatment I got from my mother, which by the way I hold blameless due to the traumatic childhood she had. By dealing with this I realized that my hatred manifested itself from the negative role model my mother and her friends posed on a young developing mind. I won't go into details but these "things" poisened my mind that women where here to use men for material and emotional reasons.

 

Once I recognized and acknowledged this was an unhealthy attitude I decided to realize that an unhealthy mind was the big issue. This is when I started to see how selfish I was to wollow in my own pity for the attention. I was an emotional leach to those around me and I thereforeeee read many books on what love truly is about. This is when I found that love is what you give, not what you get.

 

This revelation impeached the warped unhealthy world view and I began to see what confident people refer to being at peace and in love with one's self. I started to love all, specially all women as friends. Yes I've made mistakes along the way to this wonderfully positive attitude but it's all part of the process of being a healthy man. Now positivity purvades my life and I see every one in a positive light.

 

Now the most difficult part of this journey was the first step to admit the truth to one's self, yet once you do the rest of the ride gets easier.

[iamtheone]

You sound like me, musicguy. I get angry a lot too, and am insecure. I've started seeing a therapist, though- he asked what I'm angry at...maybe keeping a journal can help you? I've found that when I think of myself as an insecure person- well, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Stop thinking of yourself in those terms and the body will follow...I'm having CBT with my therapist, I've only just started but apparently it's rationalising my thoughts and replacing negative ones with positive ones...if people treated you badly then it's their loss. What happens with the women at work if you try to think of them as men..odd question but disregard their sex- are you still angry?

 

Do you exercise? What are your hobbies (besides music exercise helps me exhaust myself, so I'm less tense.

 

Finally, hugs- I know what it's like to be angry, very angry, when inside you're really hurting.

 

P.S. I hope I'm not out of line saying this- did your old avatar used to be a photo of yourself holding a teddy bear? If so you're absolutely gorgeous ;p

[musicguy]

Finally, hugs- I know what it's like to be angry, very angry, when inside you're really hurting.

 

I write poetry, play my guitar and listen to music

 

P.S. I hope I'm not out of line saying this- did your old avatar used to be a photo of yourself holding a teddy bear? If so you're absolutely gorgeous ;p

 

and yes that was me in the photo holding the bear and thank you